Loaded question, but spouse (without ADHD) has been with partner for 27 years. Have noticed decline in focus and attention among other things in spouse without ADHD all similar to symptoms exhibited by spouse (with ADHD). Is it possible for some of spouse's ADHD symptoms to rub off on partner without ADHD having been around each other so long? Picking up similar habits...obv not actually having the medical condition as that's not how you would get it, but losing patience/attention with things, moving more when supposed to be seated, similar to spouse as a LEARNED/OBSERVED habit... Thoughts?
If so, any thoughts on how to counteract this, aside from not being around the symptomatic spouse, which is not going to happen? LOL
TIA for any constructive input.
Learning ADHD symptoms
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
I can only speak for myself, but I think I sometimes display a few ADHD-ish symptoms as a result of being with my ADHD husband for 20 years. I will explain.
1. To survive and ever be heard here, I HAVE to speak overtop of my husband. He constantly tramples people in conversation and if I waited for my turn, as is normal with others, I would never get it. Never. He honestly interrupts almost every single sentence spoken by me or our daughter. I find that when I am with neurotypicals, I am jumping in too early with replies out of conditioning sometimes, rather than waiting for them to complete a thought. I catch myself and can adjust back to "normal", but I have noticed this. I despise being interrupted and I hate that it has rubbed off on me for survival!
2. I find I am getting forgetful. I don't think this is ADHD - rather the entire job of running the house, parenting and work falls to me. My brain is full of the work for 2 adults. Every bill, appointment, household item, chore, etc., etc.... it's all mine. So I don't actually think I'm forgetful - I just have more responsibility and things to remember than I should have and my brain can't keep track of it all. Add to it the stress of this relationship and lack of sleep and I feel a little scattered!
3. Neatness. I was never the neatest person in the world. Before this, I would have labelled myself middle-of-the-road to "good". However, it is impossible to keep up with the constant mess/disarray of someone with un/under-treated ADHD. I have gotten used to a lot more mess around me. Also, because I do 90%+ of the picking up, I feel tired and resentful and will sometimes just let things go because I don't feel I should have to do it all. Sometimes that feels like his lack of organization and motivation have rubbed off on me.
I hope this has helped. Like you said, I don't think I have "caught" ADHD in any way, but some of the traits I have developed in coping with HIS symptoms can look like it sometimes! I think in a different environment I would quickly revert back to my "normal."
Those are all EXCELLENT
Submitted by nett76 on
Those are all EXCELLENT points- thank you! I also find myself doing all three things you mentioned above. I feel badly when I interrupt like in #1. I will have to make note to try not to do this when out with others. The forgetfulness I've actually made an appointment with my PCP to discuss. I was beginning to think I had early symptoms of alzheimer's. Perhaps it's really just my brain on overload, as you said. I'm managing a household of 5--and my youngest daughter has ADHD like my husband. The work load is daunting. Like you, it falls solely on me. I used to be able to sit for hours and read a book or study. I rarely multi-tasked. My husband (boyfriend at the time) kind of chided me about it and said I'd be more productive to do more at once. Now I'm a multi-tasker extraordinaire, and I feel like some of that and him being kind of all over the place rubbed off on me a little. At times I can still read and sit and focus, but not like before. I am def more like my husband now and distracted easily. Maybe it's just the nature of everything around me in addition to seeing how he handles himself and kind of adapting to it. Not sure-- I do miss the calmness and quiet of being able to steadily do one thing at a time.
Alzheimer's
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
I thought the same thing for a long while - that I was getting early onset Alzheimer's. But now I really believe it is because I have too much on my plate, too much stress and too little sleep. I have found that meditation helps. I like the guided kind that talks the entire way through. By the end, I typically feel pretty fantastic and actually calm. One walking meditation I use often says that our minds are like a muddy glass of water. When everything is swirling around, your mind isn't clear. When we let it settle, things are clear again. The narrator said it more eloquently than I did, but you get it. lol Anyway... guided meditation may help!
Hmmmm.
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
I read your post yesterday but just thought of a reply.
What you and Melody said makes total sense. I don't believe that you're learning ADHD Per se. I think it's a matter of adapting to an environment that you've been exposed to for years. You're presented with a situation that you cannot change and don't have any control over.
A similar thing happened to me in my marriage after 20 years together. I became someone that I didn't recognize. I was withdrawn in public as well as private. I've never been an extrovert, but I stopped speaking unless I was spoken to. I wasn't behaving like my husband. I was trying to do my best not to be seen. That was because being seen meant criticism and verbal abuse.
That makes sense, Adele
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
Adapting to your circumstances... that makes sense to me, Adele. And now that you are out, you are probably nowhere near as withdrawn and can just be your wonderful self in your current relationship.