Does anyone have any advice on addictions and ADHD. My husband was recently diagnosed and he has smoked Marijana our entire relationship, however recently he has been doing it more (he smokes before work and after work multiple times) and he also has been drinking more (he doesn't drink everyday but when he does he drinks a lot and it'll just be us hanging out and I'm not even drinking) he has agreed the drinking is a problem and is trying to stop but I also have an issue with how much Marijana he is smoking and how it affects the meds and his ADHD I just don't know if I should bring it up while he trying to stop drinking is it to much all at once, should I even say anything because he's been doing it our entire marriage? I just worry about the impacts it will have on my son, why is daddy always going to the garage or if he sees it, or if he smells it I just feel lost and unsure of how to proceed with these addiction issues on top of new ADHD, a young son, his refusing to take on healthy eating or exercising habits, I'm so frustrated. Any advice or experience?
Weed
Submitted by kal11 on 11/06/2020.
Re: Cannabis use
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
I have experience with my partners use of Cannabis.
We are engaged. He has ADHD, I am a "Non". I drink occasionally and have never used weed, don't have any intention to. At 55, I don't need another thing that could cause me any problems, and members of my family have a history with substance abuse, so why tempt fate .
My fiance was addicted to cocaine years ago and it almost killed him. In typical ADHD fashion he has always been involved in thrill seeking behavior, to get that dopamine rush. He smokes weed, and is currently trying to quit it--for the umpteenth time since we have been together. ( 5 years )
He starts using it mostly to manage the pain in his back, then keeps using it because he likes how it makes him feel. We don't live together yet, long story there, but since he started working from home he hangs out with his neighbors who are everyday pot smokers, and one neighbor grows their own.
Weed may not be physically addictive, but my fiance has a harder and harder time quitting it each time he starts smoking again.
He had a heart attack in February, and the cardiologist told him to lose weight, eat better and STOP smoking. He has been compliant with all but the smoking.
I used to get worked up over it, but I'm learning to let it go. I have set boundaries with him and am sticking to them. I won't go with him when he is behind the wheel and his eyes are all glazed over and his speech is slurred. I won't discuss anything important with him when I know he is stoned or high, because he won't remember half of what I've said to him anyway.
I have told him that the moment a substance becomes more important than me, I'm done. I won't compete with a substance. As much as I love him, he has to want to quit for his health. If it was a matter of managing his back pain with cannabis, there are other ways to do that besides smoking it.
Its like anything else, a person won't change unless they want to. I wish that I had some good advice to offer you. For me, its been learning to let go and setting boundaries.
**Edited**
I'd also like to add that I no longer bring up the subject with him. He knows how I feel about it. I'm not going to change my mind.
Bringing it up only puts pressure on him. He becomes evasive and lies about it. In my mind there's no point in bringing it up.
Add and addictions....
Submitted by c ur self on
Addictions are a part of human existence, and add/adhd, seems to increase the tendency of abuse, and the denial of it's presence...Drugs, Alcohol, Games, TV, Computers, sex, poor driving habits, to name a few, I've read here, or experienced with my spouse for years)
Do not trust what you cannot.....
c
yes, definitely
Submitted by julie jay on
exactly the same here...our first date, he asked 'do you mind if i smoke?' and little did i know...i tried to be 'cool' about it, but 14 years and a lot of loss later, i'm sitting here looking for apartments this morning because he "does not and cannot love a woman like [me]...but a younger, 'woke' woman who isn't so smart that will hang out with him and get high"...let's discount the FACT i work 70+ hours a week, pay all the bills and handle all the real responsibilities of the household, so i like to rest on the weekends now, i'll admit i was more of a party girl before he wore me tf out...i'm just too mentally exhausted to even engage with him much less act like i'm having 'fun' anymore. i'm just done with it all.
sorry, i'm very bitter and angry right now, so take my rant with a grain of salt, but i really would like to hear what Melissa or others have to say about the cannabis connection bc there is *NO DOUBT* in my mind there is something in it that ADHD'ers seem to think they can't live without, even more so than their spouses, children, family, etc etc.
Bless u Julie....
Submitted by c ur self on
I feel like your life is about to get a whole lot better!
c
As we all (most likely) know
Submitted by Mkarnett2001 on
As we all (most likely) know by now, addiction is common with those who deal with ADHD. I can definitely relate to your comment about your husband not prioritizing his health. That was a major concern for me as well, as my partner hasnt been to see a primary care doctor for our entire relationship (13 years). My partner hardly ever exercises either.
I can see why you are concerned about your husband. I'm wondering if his drinking and smoking are causing him to be less present with your son? maybe he isn't able to help you with certain things? Maybe he should talk to his psych about trying a new medication, or maybe he could try outpatient services for his drinking/smoking. Either way, it's gotta come from him.
If you find any solutions
Submitted by KimmieLynn on
If you find any solutions please let me know. My 65 year old husbands weed smoking and beer drinking every day exacerbates his symptoms and reminds me of a teenager. I hope as we work with getting his medications correct he feels less need to self medicate but I'm not holding my breath. In his case it'll unfortunately boil down to being a health problem that will force his to stop.
Observations from an ADHD Husband
Submitted by ADHD in Ottawa on
Just found this site and I'm blown away at the impact of ADHD on relationships. I apparently have a mild case as I'm largely functional in life although I have been a mess financially, and drank too much until 5 years ago when I quit. I have always procrastinated (on things I didn't like) and I know I have an addictive personality. Hmm, maybe I'm worse than I thought.
I have however been extremely happily married for over 10 years (my third marriage) and my wife and I have never, I mean never fought. But then she is an exceptional person.
I have been reading about some of the husbands discussed on the site and while I understand that yes, sometimes it is the ADHD that is the problem, I can't help but wonder if they aren't just immature, selfish jerks? I know I have been such a creature but I was happily able to learn over the years to take responsibility for my actions and feelings and now I am the luckiest guy alive. Well except for the fact that my wife has Mild Cogitative Impairment and is on her way to Alzheimers. I am not looking forward to that, but I wouldn't change a thing if I could go back in time and be presented with a choice to not date her in the first place.
I have been in some pretty fraught relationships in the past and have participated in screaming matches. I would never, never stay in such a relationship again. There is no reason to fight. There is always a reason to talk.
Not sure why I decided to write - maybe to say to some people on this site, to do your best, but to get the heck out of Dodge if you (and your spouse) just can't do it anymore. Yes, get counseling, try meds, but if you are with a twit who you know in your heart will not or cannot change, get out.