How are things going at your house?
How are you coping/thriving?
ADHD symptoms are always very evident at our house, but they have been even more evident because of circumstances lately. If I told you all I've had to do, all I've dealt with during this latest situation, you'd nod your heads along. You've been there.
How am I - I've had some really down days this week. Sometimes I just can't keep functioning with the shallowness of our relationship and with such dysfunction. I want a life partner and true friend, but he isn't either of those. And the older we get, the less likely it is that he ever will develop the skills to do that. And in the last two months, he has revealed some deeper problems to me. Will the surprises ever stop? Will I ever stop being shocked by his thought processes and the fallout of those things? Will there ever be growth instead of things worsening?
Hopefully, hopefully, you will have better updates than I have.
Hi, Brindle
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
The times we are living in are trying to say the least.
The relationship with my fiance has not been affected by covid the way others have on this forum. Mostly because we don't live together. He has adjusted to my daughter living with me all the time as of January of this year, and up until Thanksgiving week, we were seeing each other twice a week. I work from home and so does he, we have limited exposure to other people.
Last week, my sister tested positive for covid-19, and is at home, sick. She has been fighting it since 11/19. She exposed our 83 year old Mother to it, and I had to stay away from her as a result, as she refused to get a covid test. Because of this, my fiance spent Thanksgiving alone.
His spending so much more time alone is not good for him. When he is isolated/bored, he reverts back to old habits. That need for a dopamine hit causes him to go back to smoking cannabis, which his cardiologist told him he needs to stop.
Watching him
Submitted by Brindle on
What is the effect on you, watching him coping in dangerous ways? Is the relationship taking a hit in any way?
I'm sorry that your sister is so sick, and I really hope she recuperates well. Is your Mom showing any signs of coming down with it? Are you feeling anxiety over their health? I hope everyone is soon alright.
Brin-
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
Well, my relationship seems to be doing OK. I am taking a hands off approach. I have a lot of stress which has been amplified by Covid.
Since my sister tested positive, she has been recovering for the last two weeks. She has good days and bad. We found out our Mother is negative. She fell in her kitchen on Wednesday. She broke her right hip and femur, and was taken by ambulance to Michigan Medicine. ( My employer ) Because of covid restrictions, Family was unable to be with her. She underwent surgery Thursday night to place metal screws in her hip to stabilize the joint.
Added to this new stress is a consolidation going on at work. I work from home, and will be reporting to a new manager as of 12/15. Virtual training is not the same, but I can only do my best. As the old adage goes: "Poor planning on Your part does not constitute an emergency on My part." Half-a$$ed planning and poor communication from management makes for a stressful work environment. Added to this is an online class I am taking and have classwork to do.
I am normally cool under pressure. Thursday morning, I had a complete meltdown in front of my 17 year old daughter. Power went out just as I was starting work, and I ended up having to go into the office. I needed help getting the garage door open, had to disconnect the opener since there was no electricity. I was tired from being at the hospital waiting the night before and did not sleep well.
With my fiance, he is a grown man. 53 is old enough to do what he knows he has to do to avoid open heart surgery. I have to trust him to do the right thing and not put himself in stupid situations that would either jeopardize his health OR our relationship. He knows there are consequences.
He called me this morning to tell me that he was hanging out with his neighbor and the neighbors girlfriend. Joe, the neighbor had a bonfire and offered him a beer and a shot of expensive whiskey. It was supposed to be one only. Several shots/beers later he went home. This morning, he went into his home office (he works on Saturdays). Much to his surprise, there was a hole punched in the wall near his guitar collection which he keeps on the wall. The small TV in the office was off its stand, and there was stuff all over the floor. He has no recollection of what happened.
Adele
Submitted by Brindle on
You said you're cool under pressure, and as soon as I read that, I thought, "Yes, I see that reading between the lines in her posts." I'm sorry that you've had so much piled on top of you at once. You truly do have a lot of stress.
I'm glad you're mother didn't get sick, and what a shock to read in the next sentence that she fell and broke her hip and leg! Do they have any further concerns about her, any risks going forward from here? I'm sure you're very concerned about her. I hope her pain level isn't high.
Your fiancé. Ugh. The damages and no recollection? Putting myself in your shoes, oh, the deep breathing I would have to do. Yes, I think you detaching yourself is the only way to go here. I hope he starts making better decisions for his health, too.
I hope you can get relief from the stress. Take care of yourself, too.
The good news is that my ex
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
The good news is that my ex-husband's continued ADHD doesn't affect me much. That is because he is my ex, he lives 150 miles from me, and we rarely see each other. The bad news (for him) is that he continues to be affected by the ADHD and related disorders (depression and anxiety).
We have two adult children. The younger one visited from out of state for several weeks this fall. She spent most of the time with me. She did go to her dad's house for a few days, but she said that even being there for only three nights was too much. She is a very kind and loving person (as is our other daughter), so she's concerned about her dad but also distressed about his messy house, lack of self-care, and general low mood.
How are you doing?
Submitted by Brindle on
I think it must be difficult to watch his life fall apart, both for you and your daughter. I'm glad your daughters have become such healthy individuals. It is something I think about for my own kids.
Are you doing well? What good things do you have going on in your life?
I think I'm doing as well as
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I think I'm doing as well as can be expected, considering the pandemic and other current events and circumstances. My job is very stressful but not like health-care-worker stressful; just the same old, same old: too much work. I no longer feel resentment at my ex for his problems with employment, which led to great financial difficulties for us and resulted in me deciding that I had to work as much and as long as possible. I am satisfied with my decision to keep the house. (At the time of the divorce, my ex did not have time to live here.) Being a single homeowner is challenging but nothing terrible has happened (yet) and I've been able to keep up with routine maintenance and yard care and pay for a few repairs and improvements. My relationships with my daughters are good, and I'm relieved that they get along with their father, also.
PI
Submitted by Brindle on
Sounds like you're in a really good place, overall. I'm happy for you. Especially with regards to no longer feeling resentment. I'm glad you're free of that.
At the end
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
I have finally reached the end with my ADHD husband. I have been there for a while, admittedly, but recent events have pressed the issue so that I will be leaving much earlier than I thought. My husband does nothing every day. Sits in a chair staring at the computer. Literally for 16 hours a day. He used to make some money under the table (a method which I adamantly opposed, wanting him to use his training and experience in an above-board job--he is smart and able), but since COVID began, he cannot do his under-the-table scheme. So because my business is slowing due to COVID (for the first time in 20 years) and he is not helping around the house, not helping with parenting, not cooking, etc., I talked to him in the summer and I said I needed him to get a job. A real job. He said he didn't want to. "I don't want to get a job." He said it like he was tantrumming.
I've had it.
I told him I was at the end of my rope... that we don't have a healthy marriage as it is... no intimacy, no shared responsibilities, no communication... I said that I have reluctantly accepted all of that and all I am asking is that he be employed and support his family. I said I felt this was an absolutely minimum ask of a spouse. He refused. REFUSED! I gave him an ultimatum and told him if he can't do this one basic thing for me at a time when we need it--when I have made so many sacrifices in this marriage and carried the weight--that I was leaving. I gave him time to consider this and to look for a job. Guess who is still sitting in the chair months later? I tried to encourage him along, send him jobs, ask about his plans, but he claims it is too hard, etc. He is just not going to do it, even with his marriage on the line. I realize I shouldn't be surprised, but I am every time he sinks to a new low. And he feels completely justified, too. He is losing no sleep. Happy as ever.
So I have started searching for a place to live and am aiming to leave in the next few months. My biggest concern is sharing custody with him, but I can't stay here anymore.
Melody
Submitted by Brindle on
You're right, shocking and yet not. Wow, to refuse to even get a job just leaves one nearly speechless. It's hard to imagine that he can even live with himself, isn't it? But I guess he slowly became ok with letting down his family in all the other ways first. Maybe you and I just thought that surely there was a limit to how far he'd go? That surely there'd be a line?
Obviously, you're angry. Are you sad at all? How is your daughter doing? About custody - if he wouldn't even get a job, do you think he might just let you have her? I'm imagining he would be fine with just not picking her up, and you'd end up having her full time simply because he doesn't get up and do anything.
I'm so very sorry, Melody. Sorry that the man you loved and the marriage you hoped to have has turned out like this. I'm sorry that he didn't get up and fight for the relationship. I'm sorry that he didn't even try to be a man you could respect.
I hope that maybe you can celebrate something - that you tried and worked and gave him this many years. That you survived it and even grew some and learned, despite the challenges.
Thanks, Brindle
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
Yes, it shocks me that he can sit, consumed by his interests all day while I work and our daughter works hard at remote school too. Then he expects to be fed at dinner too. And when I try to communicate, he speaks ands acts as though *I'm* the crazy one asking for something outlandish. Yes, you're right, Brin... I am still so angry. But in some ways I am thankful for the anger because it has been instrumental in spurring me to an action I know I must take. And to answer your question, I am definitely sad. I have done a lot of grieving about the marriage already, but I have been crying a lot lately. Beyond the loss of hopes and dreams, there is a house I love that I will be leaving. A daughter that at least in the short term will be hurting. My mental and physical condition is a mess. I will likely be losing an extended family on his side I have come to love. There is not a moment without pain for me right now.
Do you think he might just let you have her?
You have no idea how much I hope so. He is completely incapable of caring for her. He's her dad and I would encourage as many visits as he and she mutually want, but the idea of sharing custody is killing me and has always been the reason I didn't leave. So I really hope ADHD finally does me a favour and he doesn't step up. I know how cruel that sounds as I want my daughter to have and love both parents. But sole custody is the way things already are... he just happens to live with us. If that makes sense. Their relationship is very much surface and an exchange of pleasantries in passing at best.
I'm so very sorry, Melody. Sorry that the man you loved and the marriage you hoped to have has turned out like this. I'm sorry that he didn't get up and fight for the relationship. I'm sorry that he didn't even try to be a man you could respect.
I cried when I read this. I can't thank you enough for writing it.
I hope that things will be better for me soon. I think there will be a lot of good that comes out of this. It is the right decision for me and I actually think he will be happy alone. I am looking forward to being able to live in a clean house. I am looking forward to so much less chaos in daily life. I am looking forward to getting back to being myself instead of this beaten-down version of myself.
Thank you again for your response and for the original question asking for an update that prompted me to share where I am at.
Melody, how are things for you?
Submitted by Brindle on
You've been on my mind a lot lately, and I've been wanting to come ask how things are going with working to leave. How is your daughter doing? I hope you and your daughter are doing alright.
Hi Brindle - I've been thinking about you too
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
Thanks so much for checking in on me! We are separated and that is largely a very good thing. I made the move to leave late last year (toured homes and had a rental property agreement in my hand). I told my husband I wanted a divorce and I was leaving. When he saw where I was at (though I'd told him previously and he ignored it), he agreed to be the one to leave. I let that happen only because I really didn't want to disrupt our daughter with two moves (rental home then another move to a purchased home). However, ADHD being what it is, he dragged his feet on leaving for a month, making many empty promises and attempts to pretend it wasn't happening. Ultimately though, he finally left 2 months ago. I would say that mostly good has come from this and now that I finally "did it," I wish I'd done it years ago. Until we sell the house (or maybe for longer), he is with his parents. It suits him that he has gone from being taken care of here to being taken care of there. He only comes to visit our daughter for 3 hours a week. I am shocked by this, but I suppose I shouldn't be. We have to sell the house and though his ADHD has made it a mess, he is making no effort to help me ready it for sale. There are a lot of problems to get through that I didn't cause. It is exhausting and resentment rears its head at times, but I keep telling myself that "this time is the last time" I'll have to do it.
But I said it's mostly good and it really is! Here goes:
What has amazed me is that our daughter has been very resilient through this. She does not miss him since he never did nurture a relationship with her. She cried when we told her we were divorcing, but not once since. She actually said out of the blue that she doesn't miss him and feels better now that he's not here. She is still doing great in school and is emotionally thriving. I also don't miss him. I still wish we could have been what I thought we were when I married him. But I accept it never could be what it seemed like in those early years. For years, I have had constant anxiety in my body, ever-increasing in intensity. This pang in my stomach and chest never went away--I walked, I meditated, I did therapy, I went on anti-depressants. It didn't lessen. A few days after he left, that pain was gone and has not come back. I knew all along my body/gut/instinct was trying to scream at me, "YOU CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS!!". When I finally listened, it stopped screaming at me... and though I knew it was awful, I didn't know how bad it really was. I still have a ton of stress with being a single parent, working full time and readying a house to sell, but my body and mind are not nearly as stressed as when I was living with his ADHD symptoms and my built-up reactions to them.
I am scared but happy. I'm so sad I'm leaving a house I love. I don't know for sure yet what I'll be able to afford. I'm scared my business has to make ends meet for us no matter what. But I'm so happy I stopped hoping and toiling for what would never be. I'm happy I might find myself again. I'm happy every day when I don't go downstairs to the fridge left open, the door unlocked, my car keys missing and coffee spilled on the floor. I am so relieved. I have no regrets. I'm still sad sometimes, but I know I did all I could and I know it was the right decision. I'm happy I've learned really hard life lessons from this about my own relationship patterns and self-worth issues. I'm also happy to find out through this how strong I can be and how much I can do. I'm happy my daughter is seeing this side of me.
The people around me have also been amazing and I have found support in places I didn't know I would. That was one of the biggest surprises through it all.
Sorry for the lengthy answer. :) I've been thinking about you too, Brindle. How are you doing? Are you able to make time for yourself and stay relatively positive?
Melody - Your lengthy reply
Submitted by Brindle on
I didn't mind the longer answer at all! It was good to hear all those details!
It feels strange to say that I'm happy for you, but I know you know what I mean by that. I'm really glad that your bodily stress has lowered so significantly. Kinda makes it scary in hindsight, doesn't it?
I smiled a wide smile when I read how well your daughter is doing! His little interaction makes sense, and I take it as a good sign of things to come regarding custody. I am really thankful that your daughter has you!
But to hear all the ways you are happy and relieved, to hear you are supported - that was the icing on the cake! Especially the life lessons you are thankful for. What a beautiful thing to come out of all of this! Thank you for taking the time to write it all out.
As for me, I'm doing better in bits and pieces. I've overhauled one corner of my life and already reaping the benefits. I've also taken back up a childhood hobby, and I love it. I also have plans to write good ol' fashioned letters to a few people, rekindling older friendships. I do find I am so very tired, but I'm hoping that as I put more and more into myself, that it will change for the better.
Oh, I'm still just so pleased at reading how you are! What a nice update. :D And I hope you find a new home you love soon.
Great news, Brin!
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
I love hearing how you are finding ways to feel better. I have tried the same with picking childhood hobbies back up. It really helps. Anything you can do that is just for you has got to be a good thing. I hope that you will see the rewards of all your efforts in a short time. :)
Hi Melody, haven't been on
Submitted by Resentful on
Hi Melody, haven't been on this site in a while but your post made me smile. I am so glad you are at peace and your daughter is well despite the uncertainty of what lies ahead. After 20 years of marriage and 10 years of wanting to leave I have also pulled the plug and have finalized my separation. It was a hard decision as he was not a bad person however his ADHD made him very hard to live with and he did not once recognize his condition and the impact on me and our family. While I know this decision is the right one, I still feel apprehensive about what the future holds. Your story resonated with me and I know I'll do just fine. Thanks for sharing. I wish you all the best on your new journey.
10 years wanting to leave
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
Your story resonates with me too. I feel like our situations are almost identical in terms of length of marriage and length of time wanting to leave which is really comforting to me. We'll both do just fine and I wish you all the best on your journey as well. I would love to hear how you're doing sometime. It helps to know I am not the only one going through this. Thank you for taking the time to write.
Melody- At the End
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
Thinking of you and my heart goes out to you, with your current situation.
Often times, people don't change until their world falls apart and they are forced to do so. In my situation there was verbal and emotional abuse and there was no way my then husband was going to change. I left for my sanity and for the well being of our children. I am thinking that if your husband is unemployed and although able bodied refuses to get a job, that would mean custody of your daughter could go to you.
I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
-Adele
Thanks, Adele
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
Thank you very much for the kind words. I think about how brave you were often and how much strength you must have summoned to do what you did. It is amazing how all the stories I have read on here over the months and years help me in tough moments.
Goodness
Submitted by Mkarnett2001 on
16 hours! And here I am complaining about 6-8 hours. I've also been thinking about leaving for a while. Sometimes it seems like that's the best option. Your story helps validate my struggles, at least I know I'm not crazy for also wanting intimacy, communication and a partner who does even share of chores. Good luck on your decision, it seems as though you have been patient with him and given him opportunities. He can't be shocked when you tell him (although if he's anything like my guy, he will be)
I hope things work out okay
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I hope things work out okay for you, Melody. Your situation reminds me somewhat of mine, before the divorce. I had been thinking about divorce for several years and finally filed in December 2015. My then husband also was unemployed for long periods, but at the time of the divorce, he did have some income, from his dad, for caregiving services. However, he was paid under the table. My "ask" (to avert me filing for divorce) was that he come to our family house at least once per month and that he start getting paid by check. He had known for a long time that I wanted both these things. He didn't explicitly refuse, but he didn't change his behavior. So, a few months after I made the request, I filed for divorce. I told him a day or so later.
Thanks, PI
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
I think about your situation often. I think about how things ended and how your ex husband's ADHD can still impact you occasionally now (mail, unfinished projects, grown kids, etc.). Thank you for sharing the unemployment story with me - it is very similar. The not explicitly refusing but not changing behaviour is also similar. I think he feels like if he just keeps riding this out, I will just accept this (as I ultimately have with everything else) and everything will go his way again. For him, I think he'd like my work to pick back up or the vaccine to give him the freedom to return to the under-the-table thing he does that I hate (which he knows I hate). The difference between my past acceptances and this time is that I gave him a clear ultimatum... I have never done anything like that before. But it's not enough. Bottom line is me and my daughter are not worth getting up off the chair for.
I hope I will be able to move on and recover as you are doing, PI. I have a lot of respect for your journey.
I think he feels like if he
Submitted by Brindle on
I think he feels like if he just keeps riding this out, I will just accept this (as I ultimately have with everything else) and everything will go his way again.
I think you're right. Sigh. What do you think will be his reaction when he realizes you are moving on?
He should know, but he doesn't
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
I have so unequivocally laid it out, that I don't know how he can't see what is about to happen. I said I need him to contribute to this partnership in the form of a job and if he doesn't I am leaving. He has made his stance clear. I am literally making house repairs and organizing boxes fo belongings around the house and he acts as though it's business as usual. He, I think, will still be shocked when I tell him I am leaving.
Not sure we will make it to next summer
Submitted by adhd32 on
Like many long married partners of ADHD spouses I think I have finally reached the end of our partnership. What the future holds is uncertain but the nature of our relationship is forever changed. A divorce is not possible for financial reasons but living apart may be the only option. There hasn't been one specific egregious event but a million little ones that have piled on top of each other. One flippant comment H made last week was the straw that broke the camel's back. I could not react immediately because I was so hurt I could not respond. It's been a long time coming and even with a calm, very heartfelt follow up discussion with him I can no longer pretend that he is capable of being a partner. I can no longer accept a life full of boundaries and disappointment, always fearful of his reactions to the most innocuous things. Clearly he needs to address things from his past with a therapist but he doesn't see it and will not even consider it.
We had a great summer. He retired and we spent time together doing outdoor trips away, local activities, and other covid-friendly socializing but just as the colder weather came, the fun came to an end. I assume that the hyper-focus of summer fun and excitement has ended and he is back to the grumpy, complaining man he was while working only now it is 24/7 instead of just weekends and evenings. Because his job was physically taxing I figured his relaxing and resting was warranted for a while but he has gone completely inactive even though he promised to be working on packing for our house sale (everything else was done by me thanks to ample time afforded by the lockdown). He spends most of the day sitting around on his phone which is also maddening since he ran right out to get materials to pack his things to move but nothing is done, or so little is accomplished at his feeble attempts when he "feels" like doing it. I told him in the beginning that if he doesn't want to move, and the foot dragging is his passive/aggressive way of communicating it, to just say so. I also indicated that the push/pull of his behavior is making me doubt his intentions. Two or 3 days of continued effort is all this task will take. Now I say nothing.
Coupled with the knowledge of our past history, my future if we stay together will be this type of scenario in one form or another until one of us dies. I came to this reality when I accepted that the summer husband was hyper-focused on fun and grumpy husband will be replacing him forever. In the past I had many responsibilities that prevented any chance at us living apart but with the helpful posts by Will it Get Better and Melody (and several others who have moved on and no longer post here) I am starting to see there might be options other than hopelessness. I really tried to follow the strategies, changing my reactions, and everything else suggested but I was the only one working on the marriage. It feels like I am feverishly bailing out a sinking boat with a bathroom cup while H complains and moans that his socks are getting wet. We are at a crossroads and I have told H several times that a future with him is uncertain, and we can go our separate ways once we sell the house. No discussion from him, no promises, not even a comment, just crickets.
I'm sorry you're in this
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I'm sorry you're in this situation, adhd32. Your comment: "It feels like I am feverishly bailing out a sinking boat with a bathroom cup while H complains and moans that his socks are getting wet." How I felt for many years in my marriage: I was bailing out the sinking boat and my husband was poking more holes in the bottom.
Thanks for your support
Submitted by adhd32 on
Very true.
So sorry ADHD32
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what you're going through. You mentioned you are starting to see other options besides hopelessness and I think that's where I am too. I have let my fear about sharing custody drive me for a long time, but now my daughter is a teen and her opinion on which parent she'd like to be with will carry more weight (though it's not risk free and I am terrified). And honestly, finances were holding me back too. But there are creative options out there. There are people in worse situations who make it work. Whether it's getting a roommate or getting a place where I can make income from a tenant or taking on extra work from home or moving a little further out where prices aren't so high, I finally feel like I see past the constraints of how I think or hope things "should" be. Though age brings with it more obligations and anxiety, I try to think back to my 21-year-old self who couldn't wait to be on her own. I wasn't nervous when I left my parents' home... I made that decision with an entry-level income , no assets and no discernable plan. That girl who would face uncertainty and make it work when she had to is still in there - I know it.
I have enormous empathy for what you said about this being your future and your life until one of you dies. I think that all the time. It's devastating until it's motivating. We will be okay.
Thinking of you. I appreciate your post so much at a time I really need it.
Riding it out
Submitted by adhd32 on
Thank you for your support. I hope you are able to follow through, I can tell you that as my H has aged all of his ADHD traits have gotten worse. The more years that pass, the more ingrained the negative behaviors become.
I reread your earlier posts on this thread and I think we are in a similar place. I think my H thinks that if he keeps a low profile and doesn't make waves this storm will blow over like it always has. But this time something in me is different. I turned 60 this year he is 66. Being pragmatic I realize that the best case is 20-25 more years of good health and life to live. Do I want to continue to compromise every aspect of my life as I have done for the last 35+ years? I made countless changes in my behavior and reactions to keep the peace and accepted that H is who he is and will not change. I suppose I have been questioning if the life I have now is what I want going forward with fewer years ahead than behind.
It's a life limited by so very many boundaries to protect myself from disaster or public embarrassment that many activities have fallen by the wayside or have to be done alone. It's a life with someone who cannot talk about the future or the past or any other difficult topic that involves feelings without it ending in a meltdown. It's a life with someone who can never take the reigns and lead the family. It's a life with someone who gives little but takes as much as he can and doesn't appreciate the efforts of others (WIGB referred to being relegated to the pit crew and I think it is an apt description). If I have to protect myself from someone who is supposed to be my biggest fan, what am I clinging to?
Thank you
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
It's funny - I remember that pit crew analogy well too. I think of it all the time as nothing could sum it up better. And I am just so exhausted from overfunctioning. I hope you are able to follow through as well, if living on your own is what you decide is best for you.
Surviving
Submitted by Murietta on
So great to have found this site and I totally get what you are saying about Riding It Out. I am 52 and have been thinking about leaving for what seems like forever. With five kids, it is not an easy decision. I kept thinking, it has to get better. But guess what, it is not getting better. It just gets worse. Close to financial ruin, we have sold as many assets as possible, and all investments (in his now defunct company) are worthless. The promises of better days are constant, but I don't trust him. And I am exhausted working 50-60 hours per week and managing all the kids, household, etc. Cannot believe how many posts I saw about the ADD husbands ignoring overflowing garbage cans, garbage in the sink, laundry, dishes everywhere and so on. That is my life. I take care of every single children's medical appointment, house repair, car repair, you name it - if it needs doing, it will get done but only by me or someone I pay to do it. It is exhausting. I gave up asking him for help years ago. I told myself : if you want it done, you have to do it yourself. I don't know why I let it go on for so long. Well, actually, I do, I thought I was protecting my kids. Now I realize that I should have left long ago. It is so hard to think about leaving your married life behind, even if it is crappy.
Hi :)
Submitted by c ur self on
Just reading ur post....Acceptance and living a life that is limited by so many boundaries...Even when we are able to master the process, the day to day reality doesn't change, and our biggest enemy (struggle) is managing our own thoughts about what each day is going to be like, with very little effort from them.....
Why do people get married who disdain the beauty of what 2 being 1 can be, and should be??...It's just a difficult chore to be content each day, knowing there is people who would match your desire and work in marriage....