I've with my bf over 2 years and he has A.D.D, not ADHD because they are different he tells me. I am the sole cause of all of his problems. I walk around on egg shells all the time because if i say anything with attitude or pulling my face, thats it im broken and defective because i dont understand his issues, my brother has ADHD so I've experienced it before. I have a bad attutude, i dont listen, i belittle him, i ignore him, I've forced him to think of suicide. Its now become physical and he strangled me recently bacause i moved something of his, and he immediately said he didn't strangle me despite marks on my neck. I cant cope, no matter what i do its wrong or ive done it on purpose to trigger an argument. I was in an abusive relationship for nearly 20 years before him so i recognise the signs but it makes him worse when i mention his behaviour, but i caused him to react this way. He hasnt had Ritalin in 4 years, refusing counselling because i cause his problems. I'm now at the point where i need to leave or i will seriously hurt him. Im terrified every day. This can't be normal surely?
Advice
Submitted by Viago379 on 02/04/2021.
Stop blaming yourself and leave now
Submitted by adhd32 on
This is far more than ADD. You need to leave. You are not responsible for someone else's behavior, you cannot MAKE someone act a certain way, "but i caused him to react this way". If he cannot control his emotions and abuses you that is not your fault. Pack a bag and leave today. This is not love.
No, this is not "Normal".
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
adhd32 got it right.
Leave....before you can't. You've been in an abusive relationship in the past, and are in one now.
You didn't "make" him do anything.
Agree - leave asap
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
Hey Viago - Just wanted to add my voice to those above and say please get out of this as soon as you safely can. Tell someone who knows you in real life and/or the police and/or a local women's group that helps women in your sutiation and get help to get out of there safely. You asked "This can't be normal, surely?" Trust that voice in your head asking that question. There is nothing normal about this and it's hard to see that when you're in it. But that little voice inside you is right. Don't take any risks - get help and get out safely.
This is heart breaking....
Submitted by c ur self on
You may have never been in a relationship where you were honored, respected, and loved....You were created for so much more...These sweet ladies are giving you very wise advice....
Bless you....
c
Not normal
Submitted by HopingForChange on
I have been in the exact same position as you. The constant verbal and emotional abuse with the occasional physical abuse. You try to address it and are met with complete and utter denial and gaslighting. He won't change. It'll destroy you mentally. Be strong and take care of yourself. Remove yourself from the relationship completely and focus on healing.
It won't get better...
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
Despite what you may hope these problems are far more likely to get worse as the 'hyper-focus' phase ends. Leaving is not easy but your sanity is more important.