Let me preface this by saying I was a fireman / paramedic for 26 years and have seen every and any type of mental health problem known to man. Or so I thought. ( I have a son with ADHD and adult ADHD is a whole different ballgame folks , my ex made my son look like he was on valium she was so over the top).
Folks I admire anyone willing to endure a marriage with a partner with ADHD. I recently dated someone with it and this message board enlightened me. I broke it off.
Once the hyper focus wears off watch out. It was like a new person had arrived, and not in a good way. I had never dealt with anyone with ADHD and I was thrown for a loop.
Inappropriate comments started about a week and a half in. Holy crap. I had never had a woman say those things to me. She apologized but didn't explain why.
Time goes on and more of the same. Then I noticed she never finished her laundry. Then she would forget date night and run off on some " urgent" matter for someone else.
She could never get her stories straight. She forgot Valentine's Day ( what girl does this lol ?) . She never asked me anything about my life.
The only time we had a conversation over three seconds was if it was about her. I spent more time paying attention to her kids than she did at the theme parks. She was always on the phone looking at stuff to buy.
She literally would check out every guy in the room at dinner. And girl. Anyone besides me while we ate. She couldn't stop herself.
What I learned in a very short time, for those who may be new or pondering a relationship with someone with ADHD.
If they do not take meds and see a therapist you have zero chance at making it work. You will go insane.
Run, don't walk. They can be sweet and charming, but once they get bored with you it's over. No amount of helping them will be appreciated. You'll be lucky to get a thank you.
There is going to be other mental issues . She had depression issues as well from a traumatic childhood. And once it happens the treatment becomes very hard to diagnose.
They will make you feel like you are the one who is nagging, the old " parent - child " dynamic. You aren't.
They cannot be trusted to be monogamous folks. Not all , but many. It's how their brain is wired folks. They need constant stimulation.....
Which leads to horrible decision making skills and no impulse control. They will spend money on anything that crosses their eyes. I've seen it.
Sex is only if you initiate and even then it is unlike a normal relationship. I'll be polite on this.
I spent months researching and trying to figure out just what the hell I was dealing with. She is a sweet and good person, but the ADHD will win out eventually, every time folks.
Some of you are living in denial, some are hanging on to a marriage with no hope. God bless all of you for enduring this.
I do not say these things to make you feel bad. But one thing I learned after treating thousands and thousands of people who had various medical issues is this.
If they won't help themselves, there is nothing you can do. Look out for yourself. Life is so short. You deserve to be happy.
