3 days after his ADHD diagnosis (and starting medication) my husband of 23 years told me he thinks our marriage is over.
He says our whole marriage has been a lie: that I've never known the real him and he's been acting the part of a loving husband the whole time. He says there's a block at the back of his brain that has stopped him from ever loving me as much as I love him. I don't actually believe this and nor do people who have known us well since the beginning. But it's heart breaking and frightening.
Is this reaction common? Is it the medication? How can I assure him that our marriage has been wonderful despite the challenges (which make SO much sense now he has the diagnosis) and that the good stuff we've had/have got going in a favour far outweighs the tough stuff?
It make sense to me....
Submitted by c ur self on
His words and actions make sense to me....And he believes it, that's all that matters, when it comes to his life....If my wife told me the same thing he is telling you...I would believe it....Because she has shown it for 13 years....Many of our add spouses stay with us, because they know they are messed up...But many of us make their lives easy, why would they leave just to face responsibilities they hate??
Step back and watch him, just let him do what he thinks is right for him....If your right, he will work through this and return to you a better husband...If not, then you want have to continue to live with someone who had rather not be there.....
c
Hi Ess
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
I just wanted to say that I am so sorry this happened to you. After that many years, I can't imagine how painful it was to hear your husband say that.
Is there any chance he would attend couples therapy with you? Maybe the new diagnosis has overwhelmed him. There must be a lot going through is head about his own mind, behavior and life right now. Ultimately you can't control another person and he will do what he wants. However, if this is extraordinarily strange behavior for him that lines up exactly with when he started meds, I don't think it hurts to ask the doctor about the medication playing a factor.
Sending warm thoughts your way for calmer waters in your life.
Thank you.
Submitted by Ess on
Thank you.
He is seeing his psychiatrist today and we start couples therapy tomorrow.
I'm sure we have enough of the good stuff going in our favour that we can be happy again and spare ourselves and our children so much heartache. But he doesn't see it.
Thank you for your kind thoughts
Sad but true
Submitted by Mizeeyore on
Believe him. When someone tells you who they are, that's your only choice.