I have been together with this man, he's 37. I'm unsure if he is adhd, and i'm trying to understand what is happening. After a while i could see Signs that he had adhd and said i thought he was right. Then he wouldn't talk about it anymore and just said he didn't have it and we shouldn't talk about it anymore. He is impulsive, wants to do this and that, and suddenly not. He have a lot of things he does, planning all the time, is very energetic and just the way he talks about things stresses me. Just seems like the smallest things stresses him. Suddenly he can be so annoyed at very small things
He is totally in love with me . But all of the sudden he just pulls away, become cold and distant
I just wanted to hear if this sounds like a man with adhd. I really need to understand his behavoir.
Maybe he does have it
Submitted by sickandtired on
or maybe he doesn’t. Regardless of his diagnosis, you need to ask yourself WHY you would put up with this kind of behavior? He is very unreliable. You should be aware that there is no such thing as an EX-alcoholic. Alcoholism is a lifelong disease. Just because he may not be drinking at the moment has no bearing on his addictive thinking. You say he takes all of your very strong pain pills? That is addictive behavior. He is NOT sober. He is just trading one substance for another. If you have only been with him 6 or 7 months, and he has dumped you multiple times, you need to realize he is damaging your fragile self esteem with each breakup. Regardless if the reason is ADHD, addiction, or unresolved issues with his family... this guy is bad news. Why don’t you do the healthy thing and cut this loser out of your life? You will never be able to change him, but you can certainly ruin your life trying in vain to make him treat you decently.
I know he is bad for me.
Submitted by bob21 on
I’m sensitive and in a bad place in my life so it’s just difficult for me. The thought of losing him, hurts like crazy, but its so hard to be in. I know its not good for me…
You have more power than you think.
Submitted by sickandtired on
Why are you giving all of your power to him? If you are going through a rough time in other aspects of your life, letting him control your life will only make things worse. You’re not sure if he’s finished with you yet? You are allowing him to abuse you. You are NOT just some plaything that he can be with or throw away according to his whims. Stand up for yourself! Nobody else will.
Even if it is ADHD, your quest to understand his behavior will only leave you lonely and frustrated. Many of us who have lived with neglectful or abusive partners tried for decades to “understand” them, like our insights into why they do what they do will help us fix them. It is not like that. You can’t fix this. If he treats you this badly so early in the relationship, all you can count on is that his behavior will get even worse. This guy loves drugs and alcohol, NOT you. Don’t answer the door when he knocks. Don’t answer his calls or emails. Whatever else is going on in your life, focus on solving those problems. You don’t need his constant rejections to make you feel even worse.
You are right..
Submitted by bob21 on
You are right. I’m giving all my power to him, at its actually sad. He know he can just come back, and i will be there. And yes its making things worse for me.
Sending you a hug!
Submitted by sickandtired on
I am sorry you got yourself in this situation. You said it hurts so much to lose him. Don’t you realize you’re letting him reject you over and over again? He’s hurting you over and over again because you are letting him back in. You said you felt sad for years before you met him, and then you were happy for a short time with him. Please realize it was your IDEA of what you THOUGHT he was that made you happy.... not the real him.
In some ADHD folks, they may tend to hyper focus on new things. You were his new thing compared to his ex wife for a time. Now you are familiar to him and are no longer the center of his hyperfocus. My ex did this to me. The first year was great, then I was no longer his focus, and he focused on other things and I never got that good feeling back. It is impossible to get it back, and many partners get hooked trying to chase that high of being treated wonderfully at first. Please learn from folks on this forum who wasted their lives living with partners who are incapable of truly loving them. I got out of my relationship when I was 60, after over a decade of living with an insecure, angry, indecisive, immature guy who took all of my pain pills when I broke my leg due to his chronic procrastination. I am SO GLAD I got free of him. Now I am happily married to a wonderful, cheerful, loving, supportive man. If I can do it at 60 with chronic health problems, so can you. PLEASE show some love for yourself, and take your power back.
Thank you
Submitted by bob21 on
Thank you for your text. You are right.. He is not right for me.
You’re very welcomed!
Submitted by sickandtired on
You sound like such a kind person. You deserve someone so much better. Someone who will cherish your kindness and not take you for granted.
Thank you
Submitted by bob21 on
That was sweet to write. And you are so right. I am a very kind person , and will do the best for the people i love. Even if they don't do the same. And that's maybe stupid :)