Hi! I am new to this community!
My husband has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and everything has clicked into place. We have a typical ADHD marriage with all the issues. Now we know this I have been reading all the articles and books, listening to all the podcasts, joined a support group and have been looking for a couples therapist.
It seems like it isn't enough for him though. We have talked about separation (I instigated it) but now I understand the ADHD I no longer want this. One day we are great, super happy, and be recognises that our issues revolve around his ADHD, and the next he is saying I have 'worn him down' with our parent/child dynamic and our relationship is toxic and he wants to leave. It is so confusing for me. I am trying to hard to save this, for the sake of the love that we share but also our 2 year old.
How can I get through this?
It sounds like you are doing all you can
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
Hi rubibti. It sounds like you are doing all you can do... understanding ADHD, joining support groups and entering couples therapy. Your willingness and energy to understand and manage the issues is clear. However, just like you are on your own journey in the relationship (formerly wanted to separate, but now feel hopeful that you can save it), he is on his own too. The ADHD diagnosis may have been a lot for him to take in and perhaps he has lost some hope because of it - while you have gained some - that the marriage can work. You can't control another person and he may just have to work through his feelings on it. You are doing what you can do, which is to understand the issues, be supportive and communicate your willingness to do the work and stay together. It sucks, but the rest is out of your hands. That is really hard to accept. Sending you hugs and care as you navigate this tough time.