Every couple has their thing, for my husband and I it's coffee. He didn't drink it much when we first met but I did and yeah. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. We don't roast our own beans or anything (now grinding the beans, umm yeah!) but we like to enjoy a cup in the morning to start the day. He prefers the coffee from the same gas station and really only drinks it at home if it's the 'right' kind like the last sentence. That's a whole thing lol. Its good coffee but I don't mind making it at home.

Context: Before we bought our house I had stopped drinking coffee for a few months. I threw away the coffee maker.

Story: The Coffeemaker

I need my coffee. It's one of the few things that I have that evens me out. Not that I will freak out if I don't have it but the day just ain't the same. Off to the cupboard for the filter, in the drawer for the strainer, pull out the pot to boil the water, get water from water cooler.

You see, I had figured out a way to make coffee without a coffee maker! Thank you YT! Yay me, right?

I've been doing this for about six months or so now? I can't remember for sure. Anyway, hubby gets to see me in action on the weekends - he leaves before I get up in the morning so during the week he just sees my coffee cups still on the counters. Everywhere. The first time I was so proud of myself. Like I was glowing, and just as smug as you can imagine. He looked at me and he was smiling and said, Babe why don't we just go  and get a coffeemaker? WHAT?! I was dumbfounded. Did he not see that I had figured it out all by myself and saved us money to boot? Nope, he said it made no sense for me to do all that stuff when I could just program a coffeemaker to do it for me.

I was so mad and hurt and RIGHT. I made my case and left it at that. During the week I went through my routine for my caffeine hit like a junkie making a score. On the weekends he got us coffee. Win win.

Until I ran out of coffee. And forgot to get it from the store. Three times now because I have ADD.

Here comes the I told you so. Here comes the lecture about how I should have just got the coffeemaker. He was right and I was wrong. UGH. I prepared myself for the inevitable. He said those things in one way or another. Not in a mean way per se, just in a I told you so kind of way and if I was being honest I would have gloated a little too so I didn't hold it against him but I still didn't' like it. So my pride wouldn't let me buy the coffeemaker. Once I bought the coffee, my problem would be solved. I STILL have not bought the coffee.

The first Monday after I ran out of coffee I woke up and there was a cup on the counter from the gas station. And the next day. And the next day and the next day. My wonderful husband who gets up at 4 am sometimes depending on how far he has to drive to work that day, drives to the gas station, gets me coffee, drives back home to leave it for me and then goes to work.

He still gives me grief about the coffeemaker. Even writing this I feel guilty now that he does all of that for no other reason than I don't want to spend the money.

It's our thing, coffee. In both of our ADD/ADHD way we forget. I keep forgetting the coffee. It's my fault we don't have one. Yes he said I told you so. Yes it made me feel like an idiot. Doesn't make it any less true. But my husband also loves me. He forgets to take out the trash or makes a mess. But coffee is the one thing he has to show me that he loves me.

I remember the coffee as I look at the mess. I remember the coffee after we have a fight. Coffee reminds me of my husbands love for me.

Do any other ADD/ADHD spouses have a story like this? I'm trying to reach out too. I was so lost for so long. I mean I did set out to save my marriage for my own reasons but we still fight/fought. I still didn't have an answer for what was causing the issues in our marriage. And then I found this blog.

Y'all, when I say a light bulb went off! It was like looking in a mirror reading the stories from other couples. I finally knew why I was the way I was! Why he reacted the way he reacted. There was a name for it! I saw all the love poured out on the screen. I felt my heart ache for the pain written out like a cry for help in a last ditch effort to save what was left of their hearts. There were others like me!

I make no apologies that saving my marriage and giving encouragement to those who want to do the same is my main goal here. I would love to talk and dialogue with others.