What I have come to realize over the past 14 years being married to a high level add spouse is, most of my relationship related problems stems from my reactions to her life style...Melissa brings up a good point in her book about spouse's (usually the nons) who are angry, and why they are angry. And the fact this angry does in fact belong solely to the angry party....This truth can be hard to a swallow by the person who's anger is reactionary to intrusive or abusive behaviors....This was me, and still can be at times...I've come to realize that there is no easy way to continue in, and have a healthy marriage with my spouse without boundaries...The number one and two boundaries for me, had to be "STOP" the reaction's to a life style I had no conception or understanding of why, or how, it could even exist..(No matter how much I studied or read)....And "STOP" trying to fix, mother, or take the responsibilities of another adult, that aren't mine, and never will be....Without stopping negative reactions, no other boundaries (and there are a some) could help us, and me personally, because I could not have a life without unhealthy anger in it...

There is a million reason's why I, like many I read about here, have, and do, justify our anger....But the truth of the matter is, it is always destructive, individually and relationally...Learning respect and acceptance for a mind I can't relate to (in so many ways) has helped me to move past negative emotions, and enjoy the beauty of my own gift of life...

I wish for you, and myself a continued awareness of self, and an ability to move forward peacefully in our own lives....Accept what is possible relationally, and what is not, and be at peace with it....

c