First-time poster, long-time reader, new member.

I'm a 32-year-old male with ADHD that was only recently diagnosed, which is still confusing given how much I struggled in high school and college. Up until maybe 24-25, I felt as though I was headed on the right path, then things slowly started to unravel. I've got a partner of 11 years who I was ready to marry 7 years ago before it all fell apart (a one-year bout with agoraphobia was the catalyst that sent me into a tailspin). It's like I blinked, woke up at 32 and found myself $40K in debt, struggling to work and riddled with anxiety. We have been living with family for the past three years, but while she's been saving and building up to start a life for us, I've been drowning in the deep end. The pandemic was a nightmare for me, as staying home lead me down a road of various impulses and addictions (all behavioral, and all including money). Fortunately, I do make good money when I am working, as my creative mind is advertising's best friend. I'm not looking for pity or sympathy, I made my bed and I'll sleep in it, but rather any tips, tricks or pieces of advice you've used to right the ship when you're down and out. I love my partner more than anything, though I honestly have no idea why she's still with me, and want to put in the effort to build a real, sustainable life for us. I just have no clue where to even start and get overwhelmed (and often bored) after the first step each time. The stress I feel in my heart knowing what my mind has done to her is honestly unbearable. It breaks me and I want and need to make this right, so any and all food for thought is appreciated. I should also mention that I'm unable to take medication due to health reasons.

Thanks very much in advance.