Hi all! New here. My partner 32M diagnosed with ADHD and I are going away to NZ in three days. Usually I would be so excited to leave the country (first time since 2019) but the lead up and packing has been stressful to say the least. Sorry for the upcoming rant.
I feel like I'm planning a trip with a child. This is his first trip overseas since 2010 and I'm stuck in the position of having to explain airport security procedures even though they can easily google simple things like "suitcase limits" and "what can't I bring on a flight?". I shouldn't have to explain to a 32 year old man that if you wrap camera batteries in parts of your clothing that it might be inconvenient to repack or even find again in the future. I stress the "find again in the future" because he is loses everything and then if I can't find it it somehow becomes my fault or he gets ADHD temperamental. I asked him to please pack things in packing cubes/small bags to make it easier and he just started being dismissive and was plain rude. I'm always careful with my tone and try and be supportive and helpful, but playing nice seems to be biting me in the ass. It makes me want to cry just knowing that at some point in the future I'm going to have to deal with him losing something and not knowing how he will react.
On top of it the whole planning has been one sided. Flights/accommodation/car rental you name it, all planned by myself. The trip has been booked since September and he never takes initiative for actual booking, just hyperfocuses on hiking videos of NZ without actually figuring out the logistics. Glad to see he is excited but watching 50 videos on hiking suggestions without writing a single one down and then having to watch them again with the same result with no tangible plan is bloody annoying.
I'm exhausted and frustrated. How can he not take initiative, even for the smallest things, like writing his own luggage tag? Does anyone else have to be a parent for their ADHD partner when planning a trip? And does anyone have tips for working around a disorganised packer?
Again, sorry if the above comes across as insensitive to people with ADHD. Flip side is that I am going for an ADHD test next month, and find it even more frustrating that we don't share the same forgetfulness rules. He loses track of time - I'll pick up the pieces. I lose track of time? Well then it just wasn't good enough.
Travel?
Submitted by Swedish coast on
In our marriage, overseas travel has always been out of reach. We have simply been too weak in decision-making together, due to my husband's ADD.
Now that he is finally diagnosed, we still don't travel. I wouldn't dare leave my support systems at home and deal with the ADD symptoms and my own reactions to them in unfamiliar surroundings.
Swedish coast
New Zealand is awesome
Submitted by swampyankee on
My spouse and I went there for three weeks about 17 years ago. You'll be glad you went!
In our dynamic, because trip-planning is a shiny thing and can be hyper-focused on, my husband has always been the one to plan the trip, down to the very smallest detail--which sometimes became exhausting as well ("can we just hang out here for a while?" "No, we have a whale watch in 1/2 an hour!!"). I used to pack for him, mostly so that we would get out of the house in time to make a flight, but no matter how much I did for him he'd always manage to not be ready to leave the house at the appointed hour. So I stopped.
And the last time we were supposed to go on an international trip together, he lost his passport the night before we were supposed to leave. So, I went without him. Solved that problem nicely. Also, that was the incident that spurred me to tell him I suspected he had ADHD. He denies it (because, for instance, he's able to plan trips like the above) but he also appears to have become aware of his short-comings that I have been telling him about for years and working to alleviate them. So, that's a bonus.
I didn't answer your question. But I feel your pain! Good luck and enjoy New Zealand...!
This summer...
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
This summer, I went on vacation with my fiance. ( ADHD, DX, NM)
He did most of the planning for the trip. He had no problem packing or organizing anything.
Things started to fall apart once we got to the airport. We used the airport parking and took a shuttle over to the terminal.
The first thing that happened is my fiance left his cell phone which is his Lifeline (his way to keep track of everything) in his car. He did not realize he left it in the car until we got to the terminal and he was afraid that we would miss our flight so he opted not to go back and get it. He was upset of course given that all the trip information was on his cell phone but because he brought his laptop he wasn't too worried about it. He also had all of our travel information printed out in a folder.
The second thing that went wrong is he placed that folder in an outside pocket of his checked bag, which was only held together with velcro. After the bags were checked He realized We needed the folder. He could not get the bag back as it was gone.
He was beating himself up over forgetting his phone. When we got to our first flight change, he went to get his bag and the folder was empty. Everything had fallen out of the folder. That upset him even more. We ended up having to use my cell phone for things like navigation. Once we were at our destination, he was able to use his laptop to forward all of his emails to me so that we could use my phone for confirmation numbers for the rental car and hotels Etc.
It ended up being a nice vacation, even though the beginning was stressful for the both of us.