I wanted other non-ADHD partner views on whether their mental health has been significantly impacted by their ADHD partner?
Ive been with my partner (now separated) for 18years. He had undiagnosed ADHD until 3months ago. The interrupting, blameshifting, forgetfulness, impulsivity, wreckless behaviour etc has had a significant impact on me. I feel i altered my reality to justify behaviour that shouldnt have been justified. I took on the ADHD reality of: its a joke, theres no intent, im not telling you youre wrong (despite most things i say he has an opposing view, tells me "thats not it", "actually its this", "i dont think so"). This meant i downplayed everything. I was in denial for 10years. Now i feel awake and im devastated.
Ive had anxiety, denial, depression and possibly PTSD. Has anyone felt this or essentially lost themselves or ignored their gut feelings?
Yes
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
I was with my husband for 20 years. I experienced situational depression twice in the final years - with no prior history of depression. I dragged myself through every day in a haze by that point. I also experienced such intense anxiety about leaving. I was terrified of sharing custody with him because he was such a terrible and apathetic father. Not to mention he was unemployed so could come for alimony from me. I couldn't imagine leaving our daughter in his care - I couldn't even go to the dentist for an hour without everything falling to pieces. I stewed over it for years, resulting in debilitating insomnia, which has left life-long physical issues for me.
I also have a hard time trusting people now. The hyperfocus masked the ADHD and I thought I'd married a wonderful man when I'd actually married someone who would use me to skate through life and wring me out.
I'm two years out and so much happier. But there was a massive impact on my mental health.
I hope you are doing okay, getting help for yourself and celebrating yourself for seeing clearly. It's not easy when you're in it.
Thank you
Submitted by Elliej on
Thank you for replying. My husband isnt a bad man. He is a good father. But he has done some terrible things to me and because of the ADHD characteristics of interrupting, blameshifting etc i think ive got such a low self worth i accepted them as ok.
You are 2 years seperated/divorced. How long was it begore you felt normal? Im really struggling.
Most Definately
Submitted by kosty on
I'm a non-ADHD partner, and my husband had ADHD, and is in denial about it, even though he has admitted he was on the spectrum several years ago. OMG YES, I was letting his ADHD ruin who I was as a person. A year ago I started therapy and decided I didn't like the person I was, I wanted to be that happy go lucky 57 year old women again, so I started my love myself again, and take myself on a Peace & Happiness journey, and as of today I can say, I'm back to my old self, don't get me wrong I do have my days that I get frustrated with my husband and his ADHD, but through learning more about it and doing my own journey I have learned to accept him for who he is, and I have learned to love myself again.
I wish you good luck.
I feel the same
Submitted by Radderz on
My mental health has deteriorated so much over the last few years after struggling with my adhd partner for so long. She was undiagnosed (now diagnosed) and blamed everything on me to the point I just lost all self esteem. That has also badly effected my social life to the point where I just don't want to see anyone anymore.
I hope you're doing better Elliej.