Oh boy I thought I could write this but the thoughts just left my head. I'll give it a try anyway.
I read in one of the posts a while ago that the poster had suicidal thoughts during some of the fights she had with her spouse. I did too...the only difference being that I took action and was almost successful. As a consequence the PA at the clinic we go to for medical care will barely talk to me. I feel horrible about this. It was a stupid thing to do, but at the time was overwhelmed with emotion and what my husband was saying to me. I felt like no cared about me and how I felt or what I thought. Absolutely stuck with no way out. But now I feel like the focus is on how my action affected everyone else, and no support for wanting to or understanding for what I did. I feel a little like I'm going crazy right now. I won't hurt myself again. It was a stupid thing to do. I admit that I've behaved badly out of frustration, but I'm trying to turn that around.
I feel pretty lousy about myself.
I was very very sorry to read this!
Submitted by Aspen on
I can't imagine the feelings that must be going through a person to cause you to feel for any moment that the best option is to end your life. How long ago was your attempt? Are you currently in any type of counselling? You absolutely need professional help to make sure that the issues you have are dealt with and that you have better ways to cope with frustration in the future.
Very very sorry for you and what you have been through.
getting help
Submitted by metooo on
The first attempt was in September. The second in November. I'm going to go in for intake at the local mental health center next week. I was in counselling but my counselor retired in January. I'm not taking any meds right now...I'm a little afraid to, but I haven't felt suicidal. Just like I'm going crazy. Both attempts occurred during fights...my husband told me we have an abusive relationship during the first fight, and something inside me couldn't deal with the thought that I might be abusive. There's a lot more to this....it would take too long to write about it. I think there is more going with my husband than ADHD. He's been saying things lately that scare me...almost like he's delusional. I told him a couple days ago that sometimes he scares me. His anger is worse than usual and he's been hard on the animals. I'm trying hard to control my anger...actually there haven't been any major blowups for about six months. But I can tell stuffing the anger is affecting my health. I already have fibromyalgia. We had a bit of a discussion today, but I still felt like I'm seen as the bad guy.