Unfortunately for me and my kids, it isn't going to work out. I have resigned myself to this fact and now just trying to make sure things are in place for me after the divorce to allow me the emotional, physical and financial resources to finish the job of parenting. It would be very helpful to hear from others on this website about advice you would give to someone like me. My spouse's perspective (ADD spouse) on his contributions financially and parenting are not the same as mine. As I near the time for final agreement for divorce I have accepted the fact that I will STILL be the one to be coordinating all the facets of the kids lives and sacrificing my time and energy while he does what best suits him. He doesn't have the $ resources to make this an easier job for me, in fact I make more than him. But at the same time he is demanding things that don't seem fair given what I have contributed in the past, what I still contribute and what I am likely to contribute in the future. How can I protect my sanity so I can have a life eventually after so many years of taking on too many burdens due to a partner with ADD? I can't continue to have this extra child, demanding more than I have. So depleted......
When it isn't going to work out
Submitted by ladybug on 06/19/2010.
So sorry about your
Submitted by newfdogswife on
So sorry about your situation. It sounds as though you are on the right track in getting your affairs in order, for you and your children, so that you can move on.
Save your sanity! Communicate
Submitted by gobsmacked on
Save your sanity! Communicate only through your lawyer. If you don't have a lawyer - get one! Your ADHD spouse has far more energy for this fight than you can possibly have. Do not deal with him face to face, put a professional out there first.
I bear the same burden and truly understand
Submitted by rto173abn on
After battling and trying to love my wife with Bi-polar, and now recently diagnosed ADHD, I have been placed in a situation where just for me to see my kids, I have to file for divorce or seperation. Truly after a 15yr marriage, and my love for her still undying, this is indeed the most difficult choice I've ever had to make. She refuses to get on meds, and see counseling, so her unwillingness to even consider my struggles all these yrs., it has helped me to relize my kids are the most important in all this mess. I swore I'd never file divorce, that it wasn't an option, but being denied my kids falsely and illegally, and her not allowing them to even call me on Fathers Day, helped me decide divorce is mhat I need to do. This way, I get to see my kids sooner than the long term seperation my wife insists on having. Though I cry myself to sleep daily, and pray non stop, I know I don't have to be humiliated anymore, and blamed for everything under the son. She's been gone for over 3wks with the kids, and frankly the house is just as lonely as it was when she was here...just missing the kids running through the house. I sincerely hope and pray many of you find a way to exhaust every means possible to hold on to your spouces regardless. Don't wait till it blows up and its too late to do anything. As long as we all know we have given our very best, we can live with ourselves much better, than had we tucked and ran.
Maybe somewhere out there, someone normal can appreciate all the love and affection I have, and the type of will power its taken me to overcome so much in all these yrs, and stay with it as if in a war, looking for peace, and none is in sight.
But now, my focus is on the kids, who now suffer from her manipulating means of making them choose sides, but soon I will get to see them, comfort them, and I will be like a kid with them, so happy to just have them in my arms again.
Thank all of you who struggle every day and truly understand