How do you deal with the disorganization?

Comments

You can't fix this

Submitted by adhd32 on Mon, 09/11/2023 - 10:05

Change must come from her. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior so don't expect much. I am like you in that I am disciplined and methodical, H has no rules for himself or goals to work towards, everything is later.

You have to be able to disconnect from her and live your own life or move on. If she is willing to work on herself you have a chance. Sometimes when the word divorce enters the conversation it can be a catalyst to get help, but not always. It isn't about lack of love, but the lack of respect shown to the non spouse who keeps the ship sailing while steering and bailing at the same time. Consider that this life you have now will remain for evermore unless something, likely you, make a big change.

Ditto on previous comment

Submitted by BWRockhounder on Wed, 09/13/2023 - 09:50

I have been with my recently diagnosed Inattentive ADHD husband for 18 years. I come from a very loaded military family. Army, Marine, Airforce and Navy, all immediate and married family, so, I get the regimented style of life. I am a person who is adventurous but I love knowing where everything is. My husband is 58 years old and just got diagnosed 3 months ago.....after I left and said we were going to get divorced. I just couldn't understand the lack of thought process and lack of direction. He is very good at his job and is a gym rat....but can never plan anything. No vacations, no excursions, dates etc. He can't keep up a conversation without drifting off topic or saying he needs time to process the information I've just given him. It took me 5 years to get him to move to a much better neighborhood and 3 years to get him to see a therapist as I knew he had undiagnosed depression. I hate to tell you this, but unless she goes to a doctor and get guidance or even medication, you are going to stay in this mode of your relationship. She doesn't have the ability, without help ( and usually lots of it) to change. ADHD people are neuro-divergent . They literally process information very differently than other people. My husband is now on Adderall and Wellbutin and sees a therapist who specializes in ADHD and depression. This is important that the therapist is proficient in understanding the ADHD brain as it is literally wired very different. My husband is really trying and like you, I still love my partner. But... I started doing my own thing as I git tired of waiting on him to want to do anything. I'm a rockhounder, off grid camper and explorer at heart. I just go when I need to. I started focusing on myself instead of him and his issues. I go walking, eat better and have increased my circle of friends. It's still nit easy and I have to accept that it will never be what I would like for it to be. But honestly, there are alot of people with 'issues' out there and I don't feel like starting over. I love my husband and we are working on getting back together and him retiring so that we can have time together and he can relax more. Good luck to you. Remember, she will not be able to change without help and lots of it. And even at that, she is who she is and it will NOT be 'normal' no matter what.

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Comments

You can't fix this

Ditto on previous comment