How do I help my partner who has RSD? The RSD incidents get extreme from me saying normal things which trigger them because of their insecurities and sense of failure.
I am constantly trying to help and support them. It's draining because I have to continually apologise for saying what would be normal things to anyone else. Friends notice how they behave and say I've done nothing wrong.
They lash out with cruel words, give me the silent treatment, go off for hours and then I wait until they come back to be told off.
it happens very regularly. It's impacting on the way I feel about them. They tell me after that it's their fault. Sometimes it resolves relatively quickly but other times it goes on for hours or into the next day. And I never know what will trigger them. I really try and want to say the right thing but just keep upsetting them. Don't know what to do.
Leave
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
Don't torture yourself; it won't change.
Medication might not be enough
Submitted by Swedish coast on
Hello, I'm so sorry to hear this. It's terrible to be regularly lashed out at and not being able to avoid it.
Im my husband's case (severe ADD) no medication his psychiatrist has tried has solved this. His temper can be generally flattened somewhat, but there is still raging reactivity to any hint of perceived criticism.
I'm trying to leave this now.
Good luck to you.
They have to be accountable
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
"I really try and want to say the right thing but just keep upsetting them."
It's not you, it's them. I tiptoed for years, monitoring my delivery of every word and it's just unfair and exhausting. Furthermore, they still find things to get upset about anyway! The root cause of the issue is THEM and they need to take it seriously and take accountability for this. That means getting real help via meds and therapy.
If they are unwilling to do this for you while you have been turning yourself into a pretzel not to trigger them, seriously rethink the relationship. If you raise this as a serious issue and they are unwilling to seek help for it, they're saying it's okay with them that you suffer at the end of their tantrums forever.
If I could go back, I'd be harder vs. softer. The light touch got me no further, kept me from being able to freely express myself and resulted in undeserved emotional abuse similar to what you are experiencing. It's really not okay and it's up to THEM to take tangible action to address it.
Walking on Eggshells.
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
Walking on eggshells takes an emotional toll.
Its up to them to regulate their emotions. You shouldn't have to twist yourself into a pretzel as 1Melody1 said.
I know what its like to live like this, and I won't do it again.
Stop trying
Submitted by adhd32 on
Move along. This won't change. They have conditioned themselves over many years to use this maladaptive behavior to soothe their bruised ego. They get a rush as the hurtful angry words spew out like arrows right into your heart. After it is over, they act like nothing happened because they are all full of dopamine and you are wounded and heartbroken and it's all your fault, according to them. It gets worse as they get older, you can not do a damn thing except leave.