A topic for discussion came up recently with other Nons and that is the level of grief work that you/us should do - actually BOTH parties probably need to do - but how do I actually DO it? Like, how do I sit in it? Do I allow myself to cry? Do I try to cry in the evenings when I have time? (Although now that I've typed out that sentence it makes me smile/laugh because I can't really 'DO' grief, it just has to happen)
But seriously, what does grief work look like? What has it looked like? I'm wondering if I'm blocking myself from actually doing it (subconsicously) or allowing myself to grieve. I'm finding it really difficult.
And it feels like this forum should have a grief section because there's so many type of it that we are all experience PLUS the grief that happens before/during/after a diagnosis and for what our marriages were/have become/what they weren't.
Psychologist said
Submitted by Swedish coast on
The psychologist said time on this forum is grief work. Healthy time spent, which comforted me. Sometimes the forum is the only place I care to be. Also crying when there's time. Like in the car on the way home and with music on the radio, that is five minutes of grief work.
She also said allowing the feelings of loss and pain was important. And she told me I was impatient. Grieving after decades spent in a destructive marriage then gone to pieces will take many months. I didn't need to se improvement in my feelings yet, to still hope this could turn into something better.
You're right. There could be a grief section on the forum. The losses for many of us are immense.
What do you find helpful at the moment?
I'm the "less" ADHD person in
Submitted by ceolfrithtx on
I'm the "less" ADHD person in my marriage. I haven't finished reading (audiobooking) the Orlov book, does it go into grief? I'm somewhat familiar with grieving a living person, since I've been told that I'm grieving my son, who is alive but has moderate development difficulties and behavioral issues that isolate me from other people due to having to focus so steadily on him and which change what I can expect from him.
But it would be fair to say that I'm grieving for my marriage, which took such a strong turn so quickly after it started nearly ten years ago, when her ADHD issues became really obvious.
Grieving
Submitted by brindle2 on
I have had a combination approach. 1) If something came up organically, say, a memory of something hurtful, then I either stopped to grieve it immediately or made a note to myself to make room for it later in the day. 2) I would carve out some alone time and purposefully think of sad things that I know regularly bother me regarding our relationship or his treatment of me. I would remember the event as thoroughly as I could and cry. I purposefully worked to let the tears flow, but I also worked at not letting myself get angry. Push away the anger and only feel how sad that I was. I cried for as long as I wanted Usually that was 15 minutes or less, which isn't long, but it helped so much.
Years ago, I wrote everything out in journals. I have recently bought another journal to begin the practice again. I have a few things that I want to tell to someone, even if it is just a notebook.