I have been married to an ADHD man for 8 years. He is non medicated and barely acknowledges he has ADHD He will do no self reflection or research to help himself. Last 2 years have been bad with his RSD and very dysregulated (not that he ever was regulated). I can't talk to him. I am in this alone. My emotional tank is so full, I just want to give up but we don't really want divorce. My question is: Have any of you non ADHD spouses started taking medication to help you deal with your ADHD spouse? ie: antianxiety, depression meds? Any natural supplements? If so do you think it helps you and are there any nasty side effects? Please don't suggest alcohol.... Been there done that, I don't recommend it; however it does help for a few hours. Thank you in advance folks.
Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
Submitted by tat on 07/27/2024.
Doctor said
Submitted by Swedish coast on
My GP said I didn't need antidepressants, I needed to get out of the marriage. The soundest advice I've ever had.
Not knowing your situation in more detail, I still just wanted to pass that advice on.
All the best to you.
Why
Submitted by adhd32 on
Why are you looking to medicate yourself? That is like putting a bandaid on skin cancer. Treat the problem instead of tip toeing around it. It sounds as though you are afraid to deal with his issues since the RSD has been more intense over the last 2 years. If you are being abused please leave. He won't change without treatment. Ask yourself why you are willing to sacrifice your own happiness for someone you're only married to for 8 years with the last 25% of the marriage in misery. Get into therapy and start planning the rest of your life instead of medicating yourself because you are miserable due to your relationship.
I went on meds
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
I took anti-depressants for a short time. I had situational depression. My doctor said the only real way to solve it was to change the situation. She was 100% right. I tried two meds that wreaked havoc on my body and quickly saw how wrong it was for me to medicate MYself to manage HIS condition. I just had to do the hard thing and get out. I also took sleeping pills to get through the final years of the marriage. I was only sleeping an hour a night out of stress. I now have permanent cognitive decline from sleep deprivation and I'm still weaning off the sleeping pills years later because they are so difficult to stop once started.
Don't medicate yourself for his disorder. Save yourself and get out.
Melody
Submitted by Swedish coast on
I'm so sorry. It's heartbreaking.
They’re helping me
Submitted by Catterfly on
Hi Tat,
I went on meds in January and wouldn't have survived without them. They're giving me perspective to make sound decisions (vs fetal position and bed - what I would likely have chosen).
There's definitely a place for them. But I also agree with others about taking a hard look at root causes.
it's a bandaid if you need it
Submitted by Off the roller ... on
I went on an anti-depressant to cope (I spoke frankly wiht my doctor about my situation and for the time being, I wasn't going anywhere) and it has helped. But to be clear.. it's helped ME and only me. And I've realised that it's not to cope with my spouses disregulation, but moreso so that I can stay focused and get the sleep I need and my emotions don't run away from me too much. But my doctor was EXTREMELY strict on instructions on if i was to start taking it, i.e. I had to keep working out, eating well, drink my water, make plans with friends, socialise, etc. so that the medication would HELP me instead of me relying on it to fix something that I needed to do the work on.
and side note
Submitted by Off the roller ... on
And would you believe... the doctor perscribed the same anti depressant for my husband a few months earlier than me and it did not work as well for him as it did for me. Just a random thought as well.
Hi tat....
Submitted by c ur self on
I have not used drugs, but, I do pray, believe, exercise, and use self talk, it all helps...Also I swapped to decaf. a few year ago...(which definitely helped w/ restfulness) At night I pray, read my devotion and some scripture and maybe a little in a novel to help me relax and get sleepy....I will never personally take a drug, to help me deal with a self absorbed individual....I've already exhausted myself and given many years of love and caring to someone who has no thankfulness...It's time to walk away.....
I have asked her to move out after 16 years...(she has an empty house) Maybe she will consider the effects of her self absorbed mind, once there is no one to use...I pray that for her....But, I just want to clean my house and maybe sell it...Get out of town for a year or two possibly, and clear my head...
To add...I have found getting my rest mean's getting in bed as early as possible...She moved out of our bedroom into a guest room about 4 years ago...I wear foam ear plugs at night, that also helps me rest, the quietness has a big calming effect, I use a white noise machine...I miss marital intimacy and that produce's it's own frustrations, but I try see it for what it is...
Bless you...I will pray for you...I know it is hard!
c
I know how you feel. My
Submitted by scoullard@outlo... on
I know how you feel. My husband does not admit to even having ADHD and my stress levels are through the roof. I empathize with you! As for meds for myself, I have been on Prozac twice in the 20 years we have been married. I went to therapy & got a script for what I thought was work related depression. At the time, I didn't realize how much the stress I experienced in my marriage contributed to my depression. Prozac did help my mood and I changed jobs to alleviate the work stress. I am considering meds again but now it is because of the martial stress! I hope you find relief as well.
60% of non-ADHD partners do experiences elevated stress
Submitted by N4ally2 on
Sorry to heard that you feel like you are alone and so glad you found the site. According to recent studies, nearly 60% of non-ADHD spouses report experiencing elevated stress due to the complexities of their relationship, with 1 in 4 experiencing symptoms of depression. So your questions is should you medicate yourself...Medication helps short term because it gives you some relief, but ultimately, improving your current situation is the long term plan. For me, I contemplated with divorce a few times before, and in retrospect, it is because I didn't really know how to deal with ADHD. Once I figured out how to deal with ADHD and starting some self-care practices, specifically around setting boundaries and effectively communicating it, it started to improve my situation. (edited)
Meds to deal with ADHD issues
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
Hi - yes. I took anti-depressants for about 2 years to deal with a very difficult patch in my own relationship. I was depressed and having difficulty moving through my days easily. I found that the anti-depressant provided enough energy and calm so that I could move ahead and make the changes needed in my life, so it was very helpful.
My strong recommendation is that if you choose to take meds you do so not to support the status quo, but to give yourself the breathing space to do the work needed to change your situation for the better - whatever that means for you. In my case that meant some counseling, taking care of my family, making stronger friendships and getting the broader support I needed to move out of the period that had led to the depression.
It made me unhappy to be taking meds to deal with the environmental stressors in my marriage at that time. But it was helpful insofar as it was a way to take care of myself, which I deserved...and so do you.