I'm extremely upset that I allowed him to reel me back in for even a few hours. So I had not spoken to my adhd ex in almost 1 month. Last time I posted here was because I had broken things off with him because I had met another guy and told him to let go that I had someone else. He let go fully a few weeks then he started contacting me again and creating new numbers and emails saying he wanted me to send him back some gold that he had given me because he really needed the money. I was doing fine ignoring him until yesterday when I texted back asking him his Zelle information so I could just pay him for the gold so he could leave me alone. I really really regret engaging. And I don't know what I was thinking to even offer to send him money. I guess I felt sorry again. So I send him the money for the gold. And he just goes off at me in a horrible way he called me lesbian, racist comments, the b word, said he hated me. Just really hurtful things. Mocked my tattoos and my face etc.. needless to say I cried the rest of the night and fell asleep just in a bad emotional condition.
I've been studying codependency and also taking classes on toxic relationships but it's these slip ups that just hurt so bad. To always give him the benefit of the doubt. And then realize again I've enabled him. Yesterday I sent $600 in exchange for the gold. I just feel so dumb and used. I'm trying to get out of this cycle of abuse but it's been really hard especially with someone who does not leave me alone and finds me weak one day and takes full advantage. I believe it's time I change my phone number now and really take the next step to create more distance. Emotionally I can't take this anymore. I just wish to move on with my life.
Trauma bonded
Submitted by Peacefull111 on 08/28/2024.
tough part
Submitted by Off the roller ... on
Hi Peaceful111, I too have had a tough time learning about co-dependency and it can be really jarring to see ourselves on a page of a resource/book that we dont' really want to be. With that though, you didn't slip up. It happens. Give yourself grace and then pick yourself back up and take another step in the right direciton. It sounds like you know the next step which is perhaps changing the number and blocking him. Forgive yourself for the $600 - really, I mean that - because I read your excerpt above and think 'wow, you've come really really far'. Remember, when we start to assert ourselves, those who benefited from our lack of boundaries are gonna lash out. we wish they wouldn't, but they do (otherwise you wouldn't need these boundaries int he first place!) This is that case. You are doing well, you didn't slip up, you just did the familiar but now you recognised it (probably much earlier than before right? See? progress!) and now you can take even more steps to maintain your peace.
good luck