As I was thinking about my own attachment style, I was about to take yet another test but realized I didn't need to. I realized I can self access my own style(S) based on all my past relationships over the years. It occurred to me, this might be useful for others to see especially if they've only been married once and early in life. I thought it might be as interesting for someone else as it is for me. It goes like this:

First high-school girlfriend ( the one and only ), short lived. The closeness and intimacy made me uncomfortable so I cut it off after only a short time. Avoidant 

Second serious relationship in college. Madly IN love, very enmeshed feeling and insecure. Worried all the time about it failing and being rejected. Needed lots of reassurance and validation. She cut it off after only a short time. Anxious  ( very hurt )

Third long term relationship lasting 3 years. Same as before. Madly IN Love. Felt very insecure and anxious much of the time. Worried a lot about how long it would last.  Felt very manipulated. She cheated on me for months before I found out. I was devastated. Full on RSD attack lasting for years. Anxious 

Fourth serious relationship ( 1 year ) Very healthy and secure feelings from her but I couldn't let myself connect. Felt uncomfortable trusting and lost interest in sex. I broke it off because I was feeling pressured from her for sex. (Dismissive? )Avoidant 

Went into a period of a lot of short term relationships based on sex. Some one night stands  and some for only a month or so. Most lasted only 4 months. That seemed like my limit. Ended with me feeling unfulfilled and wanting more that just sex. Avoidant.

Fifth long term relationship ( almost 3 years )  I was feeling secure but not serious. Ended it when she started talking marriage and realizing I didn't even like her that much. Convenience relationship.  Avoidant 

Sixth long term relationship was my first wife. Nothing but conflicts and fighting but great sex all the time. Fighting, sex, fighting,  sex.... This felt disturbing.  She left after a few years running off with another guy suddenly without warning. Marriage counselor we went to a few times said she was a Borderline.  I don't doubt it. She Hoovered me once and we had sex, but I had already met my future wife #2 so that went no where. Conflicted....push - pull. Co-dependent. 

Seventh long term relationship ( 14 years ) Ex-Wife 2. Started out feeling very secure after 1 year off after my 1rst wife.  When she went emotionally distant and sex started drying up, I went back to feeling anxious again. This remained for the rest of our relationship. I'm pretty sure she had an affair at the end which my marriage counseling kept trying to get me to see but I was oblivious.  Anxious 

It appears pretty obvious to me,  that my insecure attachment pattern is anxious-avoidant.  After years of therapy I'm feeling mostly secure but my tendency to default seems to be one or the other....either anxious or avoidant depending on who I'm with and the circumstances that happened just before each one. I seemed to flip and alternate from one to the other. I find this interesting because simply saying anxious- avoidant seems to imply it's a combination at the same time? 

This also doesn't show the times feeling dependent but that isn't the predominant styles. 

It also doesn't show that I definitely have a dismissive-avoident component as I've always felt a strong need to be self reliant and self sufficient but without all the symptoms. From childhood. It's obviously changed throughout the years.This was a good exercise to take as it tells me a lot about myself. I'm calling this progress.

J