Hi all,
I am very new to this site and hope to get some feedback.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age and i thought i had it under control in my adult life. I have ben dating my Girlfriend for 3 1/2 years and my communication seems to be getting worse. My main issue is that when someone is speaking to me, i often only hear the first few words they say and the rest just sort of disappear. This happens with my girlfriend, my Best Friend, co-workers and Boss. Recently i was in a job interview and was fielding questions and it even happened there. It was actually that interview which led me to realize i have some issues with communication.
My Girlfriend is very nonconfrontational, so most often the issues she has, she does not communicate. This can be good for me at times, but i realize that it may be hurting my relationship with her. But without her telling me i cannot be sure.
I used to be on medication for my adhd, but i feel it was too much. I stopped taking the medication after high school. I was taking 60mg of time release Dexedrine a day, 30mg in the morning, and 30 mg at luch. It turned me into a zombie. I dont have very good health insurance so im not sure that medication is something attainable for me. What i am looking for are tips and best practices. basically, i would like some feedback on ways that i can communicate these issues with others, without angering them.
anything is appreciated
Thank you
hi, it sounds like you have
Submitted by de-fragmenting on
hi,
it sounds like you have several sets of issues. one is that you aren't able to continue to focus on what the other person is saying. this, in my view, isn't a communication issue, exactly... its an attention issue. no amount of "working on communication" is going to solve this problem, in my understanding. meds might be your best approach. the good news is there are many new meds out there that do not "zombify."
now you might want to communicate that you have this problem, but no matter how you say it, it is still going to be bad news for the person you are talking to, unless you can share with them how you are working to resolve it.
the second issue is your girlfriends nonconfrontational style. I think I am understanding that you want to encourage her to share her issues with you. how to deal with this really depends on the reasons that she does not share them, which can get into her psychology. she may or may not want to change this.
however, you can certainly invite her to share them. If she does, and you respond in a way that feels good to her, then she will be more likely to do it again. If you respond badly (from her point of view), then she will be less likely.
so my question to you would be: do you think you can deal with issues that she brings up in a graceful, non-defensive way? one thing that worked for me today with my DH was validating his complaints about me by sharing things that other nonADDers have said about their SOs. the more I did this, the more relaxed he got. But I had a starting point of knowing what his issues were.
if you have a suspicion about what her issues might be, you could say something like "I was reading the ADD Marriage site, and I realized that I have been _____ (fill in the blank). I was wondering if this was effecting you in a negative way. If so, I would like to work on this issue." kind of prime the pump, so to speak.
I think its great that you want to invite her to share, and I hope it goes well for you.