So here's the deal--I have posted here before. My DH of 15 years has ADD, both my sons are ADHD as well. I am so overwhelmed and exhausted it's just not funny. I have no time for anything, let alone time for myself. Tomorrow night we are supposed to go to the Bon Jovi concert here in Chicago and I just emailed DH to find someone else to go because I am just not even remotely interested any more. This week I have slept on the couch twice because of DH's snoring and restless leg syndrome, taken the kids to a water park for two days( hubby didn't come), scheduled a surgery for my youngest son and made all the appointments that go with that, did all the prep work it took to get us to the water park, did all the unpacking and laundry related to returning, scheduled the sitter for the concert, tried to figure out how to pay for the sitter and the parking for the concert, thought about how to have both kids bathed before the sitter gets here, what to feed them all for dinner and how to keep them entertained for the three hours the sitter will have them until bedtime and then thought about what Saturday will look like when we are both exhausted from the concert. I should tell you that the tickets were a gift, we did not pay for them, and we got them almost a year ago. It sounded like a fun event at the time, but now I am just so tired I don't even care. All I can think about is how noisy it will be and how much more tired I will be on Saturday. I should also say that we are in the midst of a foreclosure on our condo and I have cramps and a yeast infection. Maybe too much information, but that's what is floating around in my head and boy oh boy a Bon Jovi concert sounded great a year ago, not so much now. Is that normal? I feel like I have just hit a wall. Everything just seems like so much work for so little pay off. The counselor I see with the kids keeps saying "oh, you need a vacation on your own". How will that help??? The amount of work it would take to plan that and then undo and redo everything when I got back would not be worth it.
help
dana
You are an overwhelmed caregiver
Submitted by sapphyre on
1) You do need a break, even if it is just a day trip or a weekend. Things become clearer and simpler when you get away from them occasionally.
2) You are exhausted. I know the feeling. At the end of the day, you can't get everything done and you need to prioritize.
3) You need to care for yourself. When? You might ask... but soon, because, using the analogy of the oxygen masks on the plane, if you can't breathe, how can you care for your family? Fit your own oxygen mask first - find me time! Every day, even if it is just 5 minutes a time.
Good luck!
Hope you loved that concert!
Submitted by Clarity on
At Wrigley Field, right? I just loved Bon Jovi on Crossroads with Jennifer Nettles! Okay, I digress... My kids are grown now and I did everything else while my ADD husband worked. Which is a big deal around here! When he came home he literally told us to leave him alone, he wanted us to be quiet at the dinner table so he could watch TV. He would probably watch TV and play with his computer forever and ever and live happily ever after... Meanwhile I was stressed out with the kids, homework, schedules, shopping, meals, errands, yard work, finances, the uncertain future... Aaaarrrggghhh! I had to wait for the kids to grow up to think I could get anywhere with him and by then the stress had caused high blood pressure and I reacted to all the meds... This is not the life I had dreamed of that's for sure! It's not normal but, apparently a common lifestyle for us non ADD spouses.
It really helped me to pare down to the most basic needs which for me was laundry, dinner and dishes. Being able to keep the checkbook meant I could do all that! Focus on the majors and forget the minors! I hope your husband and sons are seeing a good psychiatrist familiar with ADD specifically enough to address the ADD, that's crucial. If you counselor says you need to get away, I'd ask for a written prescription and get away! I did as much as I could just to rest in a calm environment and regroup! I was often exhausted and frustrated to the point of bursting into flames! The kids are grown now but the finances are a still a mess and my future is uncertain. I must find ways to regroup by doing (free) things that I want to do alone or with anyone but my ADD husband who is watching TV in front of his computer now anyway... The concert in Millennium Park Wednesday was interesting, maybe we could start a nonADD spouse meetup group!