People often ask me the question – how did you find the inspiration to turn your marriage, and your life, around? I think you know when “inspiration” hits – it’s like a light bulb going on. Something very central to who you are and how you think changes dramatically enough so that you find hope, balance, and a sense of self that rings true and provides drive from the inside out. Inspiration, whether it comes as an “aha moment” or as a steady set of choices about being a better person, can come from many sources, and I would like to suggest a few here.
I gave a talk last night for ADDclasses.com about overcoming anger and frustration in ADHD relationships. At the end of the session listeners asked two very important questions: how do I get my spouse with ADHD to admit he has ADD and participate in improving our relationship? And, as an ADHD spouse, how do I get my non-ADD spouse to admit I have ADD and start to deal with it?
I've been thinking a great deal lately about how poor communication contributes to the downhill slide of many relationships affected by ADHD. Here are seven basic ideas that will help you get along better with your partner:
To those struggling in a marriage that may be affected by ADHD, this may sound counterintuitive: Determining whether or not a spouse has ADHD is a very good thing. In fact, there is no negative side at all. I broach this subject because a number of people have written comments suggesting that they believe that their spouse has ADHD, yet he is resisting getting a diagnosis (I use “he” here for simplicity – it could just as easily be “she”.)
