I was reviewing some research recently for the book I'm finishing up and came across an interesting bit of info that provides insight into why so many with ADHD perceive that "nothing is wrong" while their spouses see things differently.

If, like me, you are a non-ADD spouse, it’s easy to dwell on the aspects of ADD that are inconvenient and troubling.  But what about those things that an ADD spouse might find inconvenient about a non-ADD spouse, but which often don’t get voiced?  I came up against this last night when in a conversation with my husband about how quickly the ADD mind works.

You may be frustrated at the slow progress that seems to happen in your relationship.  You push and push, yet little seems to change.  You may have read about my comment that “If nothing changes, nothing changes” elsewhere on this blog – I woke up this morning wondering if we could use this idea to help couples make progress, and wondering if a few of you might like to join me in an experiment that might improve your marriage.  Read on, and you’ll find the experiment at the end.

Do you find yourself uptight about whether or not your spouse’s sleeping schedule matches yours?  Does going to bed at night together put you on edge?  Are you unsure how to communicate about how close you want to be (or don’t want to be)?  You may be suffering from an experience similar to the one my husband and I had.

Transitions are often very hard with people with ADHD, and this can cause headaches for couples.  The typical response is that a non-ADD spouse expresses anger and disappointment that the ADHD spouse is never on time, can’t start or complete chores, and never seems to get into bed at a reasonable hour.  This doesn’t need to be the way things are, though...