Negotiation and Setting Boundaries

Can We Stop Beating Each Other Up?

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 05/15/2014.

A woman with ADHD asks for more support here for those who have this special kind of mind…and I agree.  But taking the negativity private isn’t the only way to go.

How To Get Bedtimes Aligned with ADHD

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 01/07/2014.

I posted recently about bed times and got several questions about how to get bedtimes aligned better.  I work with couples on this issue with great regularity - those with ADHD often go to bed late, while exhausted non-ADHD partners often go to bed early.  Couples miss out on good time to connect when they hit the bedroom at different times.  Here are some ideas to help:

Being the Bad Guy and Telling Kids about Parental ADHD

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 08/07/2013.

I recently heard from a couple with several children, one of whom has ADHD.  The husband also has ADHD and is struggling to get his symptoms under control.  He rarely follows up on what he promises to do, which is driving his wife crazy. In this context, the husband asked the question "Should we tell our kids about my ADHD?  My wife is concerned that she is always coming across as the bad guy, rather than me."  Hold up there!  Let's discuss both the question and the answer!

9 Reasons Porn Hurts

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 01/29/2013.

Why do partners struggle so much with porn use?  What's the big deal?  This article provides my observations based upon working with couples faced with this issue.

Time Warp - Time Differences between ADHD and Non-ADHD Spouses

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 09/18/2012.

I just read a terrific article about how to better understand your ADHD or non-ADHD partner's sense of time - since it is most likely different from yours!  Yours, Mine and Hours can be read at this link and is well worth the few minutes it takes to read it.

ADHD & Marriage: A Simple Approach to Help You Make Progress

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 05/12/2011.

One of the participants of my couples course recently asked me “You talk about how important it is the measure how you are both doing against your goals…but what does that look like, exactly?” Here is a step-by-step guide to tracking and measuring your progress.

ADHD and Marriage - Giving Up Control

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 03/01/2011.

Control issues create one of the most common Catch-22s of ADHD-impacted marriages. So how do you stop trying to control your partner, get his or her buy-in, and get out of this lose/lose situation?

ADHD and Marriage: Changing What Never Changes

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 11/17/2009.

One comment I hear over and over again from non-ADHD spouses is their frustration that "we go through the same problems over and over again.  Nothing ever seems to change!"  There is a reason for this, as well as a way to interrupt this pattern.

Learning to Like Yourself Again – Non-ADD Spouse Version

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 07/30/2009.

I know what it’s like to be a non-ADD spouse and discover that you no longer like yourself.  Many here have the same problem – they have struggled so long, and are so exhausted, that they can no longer find the core of who they are. I would like to share with you my own story of how I moved from disliking myself back to “being me” as well as provide some ideas for change that may help you.

Engaged to Someone with ADHD - Part 2

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 07/21/2009.

I’ve written here before about how you might approach thinking about whether or not you should marry a person you know has ADHD (see this post), but there is a conversation going on in the forums now that makes we want to write further on the topic.

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