After years of writing about how ADHD affects relationships I am finally offering counsel for couples who want to apply my expertise to their marriage or relationship. Your situation can feel overwhelming and you are seeking help, but many of you say it’s hard to find someone who truly understands the complex dynamics of the ADHD-affected relationship.
Our research about how ADHD affects marriage also illuminates the specific ways in which non-ADD spouses are frustrated in their relationships. The responders in this section are, once again, non-ADD spouses who have officially diagnosed ADD partners. The themes these people write about are incredibly common. If you are an ADD spouse and you hear your non-ADD spouse comment on these traits you should assume that they are being truthful – these REALLY ARE problems in your relationship – not a figment of your spouse’s imagination. The question asked here? What do you find most frustratin
Ari Tuckman, author of the recently released "More Attention, Less Deficit: Success Strategies for Adults with ADHD" has generously written a blog post for this site about some of his take on ADHD and marriage. I include the post below:
If you want to hear what Dr Phil and Dr Hallowell have to say about ADHD and marriage, as well as find out about some couples who are struggling with it, you can go to this page at the Dr. Phil website which recaps the July 9th show on saving marriages hurt by ADHD symptoms.
Welcome to the viewers from the Dr Phil Show, as well as other newcomers to this site. There is a lot here, so we suggest you start with the blog posts. Some of the "favorites" are under "Melissa's Favorite Posts" in the top right corner, or you can explore by area of concern in the "categories" area. The site also has a forum where people with concerns share them. Many find it reassuring that others share their issues but please understand that the forum is biased by the fact that those who have found this (unadvertised) site often seek it out because their marriage is in deep trouble.
Tara McGillicuddy is an active ADHD coach and educator. Her online work, in particular, has brought coaching to a much larger audience of people who might benefit from it. I asked her to put together an overview of ADHD coaching to post here.
This show with Dr. Hallowell has been taped but we do not know the air date. It is not the week of May 4th, as previously thought. We will post the air date here when we are given it, or you can go to the Dr. Phil Show web site each weekend for a list of the upcoming week's show topics. Thanks for your patience on this - t.v. often works this way! Comments for this post are disabled as of May 3.
For info on the Dr Phil Show, please see the more recent March 30 post. I didn't erase this spot because people had posted attachments to it which would have disappeared had I eliminated the post all together.
Great news! Dr. Hallowell and his wife, Sue (who is a social worker and experienced marriage therapist in her own right) are going to give a special marriage weekend June 20-21 in Boston specifically for couples where one or both parthers has ADHD/ADD. They will limit it to 25 couples total, and the sessions will include teaching, coaching, small group work...plus a nice hotel. They've just written a new marriage workbook that they will be giving to participants to take home, too.
I have just read a book on the topic of anger and relationships that Dr Hallowell suggested - it's great and would be very, very helpful to any woman who is trying to make sense out of why nothing seems to change in her relationship even though she keeps trying to "fix" it. (Men would benefit, too, but the book happens to be written with women in mind). I have been trying to figure out how to communicate how to move from "stuck" to a more fluid place where couples can actually make progress.
