THAT is what husband's 2 week paycheck was today!!!! He has dug himself in such a hole. That total amounted to 3 days of work which should have been 10 days and there's 3 more days that SHOULD be on there because he told me he went to work but he just drove around until I left for work myself and then came home. He had $270 taken out for child support, another $35 for cafeteria (bring your damn lunch!) and they couldn't even take out the $130 they do every paycheck for his loans because he didn't have enough. He has also been having this garnishment from whatever from years ago taken out and that usually amounts to over $100 but couldn't take that out either. Every paycheck he has $25 go into his savings and the rest into his checking. His paycheck showed NOTHING into checking and the $14.81 into savings!
Meanwhile, I got my monthly check which amounted to about $3600. Already paid off $1500 in mortgage and other bills that are due. I can't save anything because every last penny I make goes to paying for everything he can't. I pay an extra at least $1200 a month to cover his share. He won't be helping with his share of ANYTHING. On top of his crappy check he's got 2 credit cards to pay off and student loans. His daughter is coming to visit this weekend. Let me guess, he'll put her train fare on one of his credit cards and then treat her to a magical dinner of sushi with his credit card. I used to have such a nest egg built up before I met him. Now it is trickling away. Oh he will promise me he'll make it up to me and that he won't miss out on work anymore. Right. Maybe not this month but his FMLA starts fresh again tomorrow so he can take another 4 days off without pay in May. His vacation gets renewed on May 23 and you can be darn sure that day (which is the Thursday before Memorial Day weekend) will be taken off along with Friday and his vacation will be totally used up by August and he'll be back to days off without pay. Oh but he assures me it will all be good because he gets a $12/hr raise next month and we'll just be "rolling" in it. Wanna bet?
Stop paying his bills, if you
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Stop paying his bills, if you can.
They aren't HIS bills, they
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
They aren't HIS bills, they are OUR bills. I pay the entire utility, phone, cable, mortgage, which is $1500. I can't NOT pay those or I'll be in trouble as well. I also pay his motorcycle payment every month for $350. Don't asked me why I believed him when he told me if I put the loan in my name (because his credit was so bad) that he would make every payment. It's been 2 years and of those 24 payments he has made 2 or 3 of them.
Aargh, sorry, I should have
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Aargh, sorry, I should have figured this out before I posted the response.
I know divorce is not for everyone, but I consider your husband's behaviors to be worthy of divorce. Have you considered it?
No I would never consider
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
No I would never consider divorce. I took my vows seriously and at this point after 10 years it's just a comfort zone thing. PLus starting over seems like so much work. However I would not have a problem living on my own as I have always had the money to do so...plus almost everything we have is in my name (truck, motorcycle-hah what would I do with that?? Oh I know-sell it!) or I am the one who has paid for almost everything in the house, including furnishings and decorations. He would pretty much be left with his computer and computer table and not much else!
Do you feel safe financially?
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Do you feel safe financially? I'm concerned about being exposed to my husband's financial missteps and obligations, especially because I live in a marital property state.
Well I felt better
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
Well I felt better financially before I moved to be with him but I still feel I am in a good place. I know if I wasn't with him I wouldn't be spending half the money I do now. I used to live on less than $20 a week on groceries. Now whenever I go shopping I end up with nearly $100/week. No more generic brands because he must have the best! Then half the time he wants me to get all this stuff and then he never eats it and it goes bad. For his race weekend last weekend he asked me to buy all this stuff for him. Well I know that he barely touches any of the food he brings. Sure enough he brings back nearly everything I got for him and half of it was water logged from being in the cooler with melting ice all weekend and was ruined!
Sell that motorcycle to pay
Submitted by lauren07 on
Sell that motorcycle to pay down the loan. Uggh, I'm angry for you. I agree with RoseRed.
Gee...what a surprise!
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
May 1st, which means husband's FMLA renews for the month. 4 glorious unpaid days of work for him where he doesn't have to cover his tracks. Of course he turns over at 4AM and turns off his alarm and gives me his usual 'I'm just going to sleep in a little bit". I say "No you aren't, you are staying home again" he replies with "Shhhh". I then go very sarcastically "Well it's renewal day for FMLA so of course you aren't going in" to which he again replies "Shhhh" and then starts rubbing my back. Doesn't want to talk about it and if I push him then he just gets angry.
He JUST got done saying yesterday that he hasn't been any help in the money dept. lately. What does he think after working a week after over 2 weeks off he needs a break?! And since tomorrow is Friday you can pretty much be guaranteed he won't go in then either and then he'll get back to being comfortable taking off and continue it next week. Oh but then he'll go "I get my $12/hr pay raise on May 23, that's when I will really be putting in the overtime". So you don't see any sense in going in before the pay raise because...??? His response will be "I work a full 80 hr paycheck and I still only end up with $500 after all is taken out so what's the use?" Heard that one before!
What is it?
Submitted by jennalemon on
Mapper, no one would think you were a "b" or nag if you put your foot down and did something about the money situation you have put up with. Do you think he would kill you if you sold his motorcycle? Do you think you would not be able to tolerate his hatred or resentment toward you? Is the thought of drastic change too much effort that you are afraid you don't have the energy or the stamina? Are you afraid of name-calling or bad words? what would he do if you sold it? Or are you afraid of what relatives or friends would think of you? What is keeping you from standing up to him? Your words do not have any meaning whatsoever to him. I know, like me, you don't want to give up on the dream of "happy family". But, hey, accept it. It is not happy. Can you verbalize what it is that you afraid of? I will be working on that very same question myself.....obviously we have been conditioned somewhere in our lives to be afraid to confront and fight or leave. My dh put thousands of dollars in an antique truck he spent thousands of dollars fixing up while ruining (by welding inside and not maintaining) what was once a beautiful 2-car garage. The truck sits un-running in a greasy mess taking up his side completely filled with greasy, dirty junk as a collecting place for refuse. I can see the trouble in others marriage but I have put blinders on in my own. But I feel sick of my own inability to stand up to him and I hate the way we are living with no trust or caring. MAKE him responsibile for the electricity and heat. Then if they go unpaid, go to a hotel and swim in a nice pool and have a nice time. Make sure you do this in very hot or very cold weather so he FEELS the brunt of his irresponsibility. He really does not care how you feel or what you think....he must FEEL it himself.
Everything above you mention
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
Everything above you mention I'm afraid of. I don't want to upset the status quo. I hate the silent treatment, even when I am totally in the right to be mad at him. I can't stand him turning it around on me and getting mad at me for being mad at him and then I apologize or act like everything is hunky dory again. Even this morning I couldn't act mad at him because then I'd be at work all day wondering about how he would treat me when I got home. I just can't function like that! I want approval on all levels even if I have to apologize for being mad!
Agree 100%
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Jennalemon, I agree with what you said 100%. Everything you said was straight up and to the point. I also live in this sort of reality. thanks
So I get home yesterday at
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
So I get home yesterday at 6PM AFTER I went to the grocery store and to pick up his prescription. He didn't go to work and was home all day and couldn't have gone out and done this instead? Even if he did work he's be home by 2PM compared to my 5PM. Nothing more I want to do than a 45 minute commute followed by a rush hour mob at the grocery store!
Anyways so he tells me the apparent REAL reason why he stayed home yesterday (I get so many different reasons I never know which is the real one). Said his partner screwed up something they were working on and husband got frustrated with him because he could have done it right and took the day off so they could fix this guy's mess. So now anytime someone at work gets you in a tizzy you are going to take the next day off to "show them"? Are you 13 years old?! Oh but he's looking hard core at other jobs in the factory. Talked to another group of guys who would put in a word for him but can't move on it until he maxes out in pay in a few weeks because if he moves before he maxes out then he has to start at the bottom of the progression again. Always some reason why he can't do something.
He had been bugging me for months about how I need to get him a job where I work. Well that was highly unlikely as it's nothing he could do plus he would go down in quite a bit in pay. I told him there are 3 couples who currently work there and their philosophy is if one spouse is a good worker then they assume the other one is. Well about 2 months ago a job came up that he could possibly do (although still very doubtful he'd be considered) and I told him that and he got all excited and told me to print out the job posting so he could read it. I printed it out and gave it to him and he said that he'd read it in a bit as he was in the middle of something and put it on the coffee table. That posting sat there unmoved for 3 days! I finally asked if he was going to read it and he gave it about a 10 second glance and said "Well I'm so ingrained where I am now that I'll just stick it out there". You had bugged me for MONTHS about getting you a job there and now that there's a possibility it's not something you want to consider. Most likely because it means he'll have to revamp his resume and that would just be overwhelming for him.