I had taken the time to make many special foods you like for the 4th of July weekend - they were sitting in the fridge just needing to be cooked.  At 6:30p I told you I was going to go work in the garden, you did not say a word as you were focused on watching tv and on your ipad.  At 7:30pm, I went into the house just to tell you to come outside it was nice out, you said you would be out shortly.  I continued to work outside and figured you decided to stay inside as I had not seen you.  It is now 9pm and I'm wrapping up, I go to the back yard and water the plants, as it was dusk, I did not see you sitting under the pergola.  You did not say a word, as I was about to go into the house, I see you in the corner of my eye,  I ask you if you had eaten yet and you pretend to be sleeping and don't answer; again, playing your usual games.  I let you know later that night that "I would have appreciated if you had come out to see if I was hungry or thirsty".  To which you respond "why would I cook for you?!?"  APPALING as over the years I've gone above and beyond to cater to your needs.  You are upset that I would even ASK you to do something for me, to take care of me and my needs.  You go on about how you wanted to go for a walk but my attention was so focused on the yard, yet, at no time did you come out to communicate you were even interested in going for a walk.  You state that I was out in the yard for 6 hours, when in essence it was just 3 hrs - creating all the drama again.  In my heart of hearts I know even if we lived in a beautiful castle by sea, it wouldn't matter - you would make it a living hell with all the dysfunction you bring to the table.  No happiness and peace, just going from drama to drama.  It's taken me 13 years to realize how caught up I was in all of this, not even noticing your emotional abusiveness because this was the "norm" I grew up in.  We've been through 10 therapists, and from what I gather from the last therapist I spoke to, this is not just ADHD, but other dysfunction, I belive that I have just been a catalyst to allow it to go on - I'm an enabler, I rescue you from consequences.   You are just an unhappy person - misery loves company and it's my choice to  NOT continue to be taken down the black hole.  You are talking about "when you retire", getting all fired up about how "we" could buy a 5th wheel and go from state to state, even suggesting I take sabbatical time off.  REALLY?  who would want to be with someone who behaves the way you do, unmindful, abusive and angry - and in a small space to add - no thanks, I'll pass.