Many of us (me for sure) have leaned on the word denial, when it comes to our spouses choices, and living of life...But is it?...Is their choices denial, or just adult choices? Is your choices denial? Are do you own your choices, and behaviors in life?
My wife isn't blind to her choices, she isn't ignorant either...She is intelligent despite her high level add mind....
So why did I decide her refusal to openly communicate about her life choices (Things she pursue's, and the things she choose's to mostly ignore) is some how a mind of denial toward those responsibilities?
What I have come to realize is that a person can dislike (hate) responsibilities so bad, that they will choose to abandon them...I think this is what my wife does....All people have minds and spirits that work together to lead them (us) in our life choices. Some people just choose selfish paths, no matter the cost....I think this is why we have visits to this forum from time to time, where some husband or wife (usually husbands) has chose to pursue selfish pleasures, and ignore their family and spousal responsibilities, and the spouse has enough and dumps them...These people's posts usually are very similar...."How do I change her/his mind?....It's very seldom ownership of how they have abused their spouse....More times than not it's how can I keep my meal ticket, maid, house cleaner, sex partner etc....
It's never one spouse's job (responsibility) to remind the other about marital responsibilities.....My wife ( and I bet most of yours) has no problem remembering what she counts as a important life pursuit....
The things we do, like labeling these choices with words like denial...It's for us, not for them....It gives those of us who believe in putting time and energy into our responsibilities just another reason to stay in the relationship...Even though it's very one sided...Since I've stopped taking on the responsibility (and mothering) of being her reminder, it's amazing how much she remembers....
Maybe it's time we stop allowing ourselves (I know it is me) to diagnose our spouse's, and don't make excuse's for their personal choices....
c
Yeah, I assumed it was denial
Submitted by Pluto on
Yeah, I assumed it was denial, when really, it's a way of saying "I don't want to deal with this or that, so it's all on you to deal with it. But I don't want to admit that. "
I think it's very easy to fall into that mind Pluto....
Submitted by c ur self on
When we find ourselves faced with the challenges of having a non-committed spouse....A spouse who's choices always hinge on their own selfish desires first!...We know we must build a life basically apart from trusting them, (boundaries,) or just leave....It's always double work in so many ways when one spouse chooses themselves over commitment and responsibilities in the marriage....
A self-absorbed mind is the definition of relational dysfunction....
c