I know that people with ADHD are prone to depression, but it's something I've never put "together" with my own husband's ADHD. But he DOES have depression, and sometimes absolutely nothing gets him out of it. I've started logging just WHEN he gets his rounds of depression. They seem to hit him about every 6 to 8 weeks, and it lasts about a week to 10 days. QUESTION: Is this a "usual" pattern for ADHD'ers? Do they have repetitive BOUTS of depression, or is there depression most of the time? He's on Concerta and I think he's also on an anti-depressant, but I don't think the anti-depressant is strong enough. The depression almost always has to do with money and/or him not feeling like he makes enough in salary. He's always been upset because he doesn't think his life has turned out "right". He has a PhD, (which is a great achievement) but, the jobs he's had are often bottom level jobs and/or way below what he is capable of doing. But, the jobs have been what HE chooses, with little to no allowable input from me. He also blames a lot of people in his life for not "helping him" get the right profession, or guiding him in the right direction, and/or choosing his profession FOR him. I asked him why he felt that someone ELSE had to do that instead of him sorting these things out himself with the help of guidance counselors, etc. He said...."That's a good question".....and that was it. But, I know it's a major source of depression for him.
ADHD and bouts of depression
Submitted by dedelight4 on 01/19/2015.
He needs out of his box
Submitted by c ur self on
It sounds like he is measuring his self-worth by $, and or achievements...Adder's like us all need to be active, we were created in my opinion to be active, and thankful...Does he workout regular? My wife who has Add, is a different person when getting regular exercise.
Hopefully your husband isn't surrounding him self w/ unhealthy relationships, where self-worth is measured by worldly accolades instead of God's love for him.
You sound like a caring person, he is fortunate to have you.
Yes, money is much of his self-worth.
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Thanks curself for your reply. You were right about money being tied to my husband's self worth. Many of his friends he went to school with, who by his "standards" weren't as smart as HE was, (straight A's) have done very well financially, making 6 figure salaries or more. He hasn't been able to understand that. It's also made me sad for him because no matter how involved we are with church, and/or how active we are in our spiritual lives, my husband has never placed God as "first" in his life. He's never experienced the peace that God can give and/or ever been the "spiritual head" of our household.( He's put that on my shoulders)
He does need Christian friends.....close friends. But, also sad to say, it seems like he doesn't see Christians as "cool" enough. I believe he has a very low self esteem problem and he has NO CLUE how to make it better. But, he also WILL NOT TALK about these issues, so it makes it impossible to know WHAT OR HOW to make anything better. That's why I got to the point I did, of total disconnect.
Dede....
Submitted by c ur self on
The biggest problem I've had in my life is my mind..."my stinking thinking"...You know Dede; I was thinking the other day as I was setting in a church gathering listen to the pastor share...And, i smiled and wrote this on the front of my bulletin...
."Every opportunity for repentance in my life has come about by something I was thinking"
It's just harder for some us...You know the gospel wouldn't warn us bout our minds...(Roman's 8 : 6 and 7) if it was not true...And it also warns us about riches...So, even though your dear hubby seems to be under achieving in his own eyes....Sometimes us spouses with faithful praying mates are getting a dose of God's grace and love, and we don't even know it...So just keep being faithful to love and pray for him, the light will brighten for him some day and he will say like Job, c ur self and the rest of us..."Whoa is me" As the realization that abundant life is only found in Jesus :)
c ur self, thank you for kind reply
Submitted by dedelight4 on
c ur self, Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful reply. Even if it may not sound like it, I do love my husband a lot, that's why it's been so hard. (just like with your wife) It would sometimes be nice to know if they truly appreciate how much we do for them, but I know it's not wise to think like that. I do know that time is short and most of all we need to be what God needs us to be. Thanks again....hugs to you both.
Your post is interesting...
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
My H comes from a family where education was very important, so even thought they all have ADHD (manifesting differently in each), they all have at least masters degrees, and some have PhDs and JDs.
It is interesting because so many ADHDers are underachievers in school, but some seem to excel at school, but are flakey with EVERYTHING else in their lives. Why is that? Why are some ADHDer great with school, but not with job, or career or....
One of H's siblings has a PhD yet has hardly ever worked....he's now in his late 50s. He has all kinds of excuses as to why he won't/doesn't work, but really it's mostly due to his anxiety, depression, and not wanting to deal with people.
I do notice that some/many with ADHD have trouble getting their foot in the door with a good job. If they are lucky to have someone help them get a good job, then that can make a LOT of difference. My H started out after college working stupid jobs. He went back and got his masters. Then he floundered looking for a job (likely doing all the wrong and lame things). Luckily he had a relative realize that H wasnt' going to find a good job, so the relative got H a good job at the company that he worked for. That "help" made all the difference.