Submitted by yuna.18 on 03/20/2015.
Hi! Im a psychology student and there is a boy that i like for three monhts. He is studying psychology too in the same university. He told me he has got adhd when our first date. I didnt know the effects of adhd in relationships. We were fighting a lot and we were so tired of it. So i decided to not to talk anymore and we broke up. But two days later i learned the effects of adhd in relationships. I searched and read the books, forums etc. After i changed my point of view for him I wanted to talk and explain to him this situation. He accept it, we were talking about which day we are going to meet. But suddenly he send me a text that he does not want to meet and talk anymore. He said i have no feelings for anybody. I tried to talk to him but he rejected me. How can i chance his mind? If he listen to me maybe i can change his mind but i can not reach him.
I know this is not the answer
Submitted by AlmaVera on
I know this is not the answer you want to hear, but don't try to change his mind. The things you have read about trying to have a successful relationship when one (or both) partners have ADHD will only work when both partners are committed and actually doing the work (vocal commitment and promises mean nothing without follow-through). From what you have said, for whatever reason, he is not even open to the idea -- and if he's not even open to the idea, you won't change his mind.
I know it is really hard when you have feelings for someone and you want so much for it to work out, and it seems like you have found the tools that will help...but the other person just doesn't want to. It can happen in any relationship, but from what I'm seeing here and in my own experience, ADHD (especially if it's not treated or if it's under-treated) makes it incredibly difficult, if not impossible.
You sound like a caring, compassionate person. You deserve someone who will care about you and be compassionate to you, too. He's giving you clues already to show he won't be that way to you. Please keep him in your good thoughts and wish him well, but let him go.
Thank you so much for your
Submitted by yuna.18 on
Thank you so much for your reply. I could not even tell him what i have learned about it and what we can do to fix these problems in the future. I know you are right but it is just so disappointing that you can do something about it but ADHD makes it impossible. Seems like the problem and its solution, they are both ADHD. Again, your point of view meant to me a lot, thank you.