Submitted by TheRealJongoBongo on 01/06/2016.
Hi, I'm new here and would like some input if available. Reading over the material here it seems that my wife has a high likelihood of having ADHD. She fits the descriptions perfectly and has a daughter who was diagnosed as ADHD. Her behaviors also match very good when I do the similar comparisons with borderline personality disorder. This is all well and fine, but I am not a doctor so it really matters little what I diagnose. The main driver of her BPD-like symptoms, in addition of her fears of abandonment, is that she cannot appear as vulnerable in any way. Because of that she will not pursue therapy or psychiatric diagnoses (even after she was involuntarily committed) because she's "just fine".
I was wondering if anyone here has had experience with this issue, or advice on how to move forward. I've pretty much accepted that my wife is the way she is and that I can neither control nor cure her. At the same time our relationship suffers because of it all. Mostly all I can do is practice radical acceptance.
Thanks in advance for any ideas or comments.
GAD...Persecution Delusions, Anxiety and Meta-Worry
Submitted by kellyj on
Hi RJB,
I've been doing some reading lately on different topics possibly relate to ADHD. GAD (generalized anxiety disorder)...has a lot of features in common with ADHD.....so much so, I have really taken an interest in this topic. For me (being ADHD)....I have a long history of times of extreme stress and anxiety and with that.....has come some features that are identical with GAD. As I am coming to understand more (in relationship to my wife)....she suffers from anxiety and a host of what I would call.....unusual ideas and thinking along with trouble sleeping, distortions, anger and fear. One of the new terms that is associated with this is Meta-Worry .....ie: worrying about worrying. That's a lot of worrying! It seems this goes a step beyond hyper worrying and is more chronic as I understand it.
One of the features of anxiety related disorders like this is the inability to problem solve, cognition problems, memory, searching for meaning and a low tolerance for things that are "unexplained". When thing ae not easily explained with someone who has been aroused by a precipitant (an external or internal awakening of negative thought patterns about themselves)...this leads to internal ambiguity and a search for an explanation. Since there is ambiguity and confusion in the form of internal anomalies and conflict that can't be explained....the tendency is to pick an explanation that is supported by a false belief about themselves and others.
What does this all mean? Someone who appears to be delusional at times and read things into situations where they interpret something wrong or someone negatively.....is a net result of searching for an explanation for something and choosing that it must be the world (and others in it)...instead of me. In this case however.....ME would be the right answer and everyone else would be the wrong one.
But in the process of processing and worrying.....there is a threat involved associated with anxiety and fear of some kind. According to the model....the threat is actually believing that "there is something wrong with me" and the fear of what that might be? It's a "what if" kind of fear which gets transferred to everyone/everything else instead of themselves to avoid the intense fear and anxiety that this would cause them if they were to pick themselves instead.
This of course...goes on without the knowledge of the person who has it. All they know is that they believe there is a threat and jump to conclusions that attribute that to you.
Stress and anxiety management along with CBT, flooding and systematic de-sensitizing of thr precipitant or stimulus that causes these delusional episodes are some of the recomended approaches in treating someone with GAD. Vulnerability was also mentioned as well. Hence.... the feelings of being persecuted by outside forces.
It was also reported that women are more likely to have this disorder and it usually starts formation early in life ( 5-6 years old) due to trauma or adverse conditions in a Childs environment. One of the suspected causes is early separation anxiety with parents and fears of abandonment. Other symptoms include chronic fatigue and irritability, depression. and morbid fears involving disease or terminal illness.(somatic)
The reason I am so curious about this is not for myself in this case....but my wife. I too have been searching for answers since one of the common themes with someone who suffers from GAD is not seeking help and not admitting there is anything wrong with them and a complete unwillingness to talk about it. Check all the above with my wife.
As I am understanding it.....talking about it (or thinking about it) is the very thing they are subconsciously trying to avoid because of the discomfort and negative thoughts that this will create within them since...those negative beliefs about themselves have been established and playing in their head for a very long time.
You might find it interesting at the least? It also listed ADHD as one of the possible companions to this disorder.
I hope that gives you something to work with. You could be right and it might be BPD kind of behavior but I thought this was really interesting since my T has given me some clues that led me to GAD in my own search for answers. Unfortunately....my ADHD doesn't help with my wife's anxiety but it does give me a better idea of things to avoid or watch out for with her:)
J
More...GAD vs Narcissism (BPD?)
Submitted by kellyj on
I just ran across this article which helps explain this better. I'll include the link as it is a good resource.
The narcissistic solution is to avoid comparison and competition altogether and to demand special treatment. The narcissist's sense of entitlement is incommensurate with the narcissist's true accomplishments. He withdraws from the rat race because he does not deem his opponents, colleagues, or peers worthy of his efforts.
As opposed to narcissists, patients with Anxiety Disorders are invested in their work and their profession. To be exact, they are over-invested. Their preoccupation with perfection is counter-productive and, ironically, renders them underachievers.
Anxiety Disorders – and especially Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) – are often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Anxiety is uncontrollable and excessive apprehension. Anxiety disorders usually come replete with obsessive thoughts, compulsive and ritualistic acts, restlessness, fatigue, irritability, difficulty concentrating, and somatic manifestations (such as an increased heart rate, sweating, or, in Panic Attacks, chest pains).
By definition, narcissists are anxious for social approval or attention (Narcissistic Supply). The narcissist cannot control this need and the attendant anxiety because he requires external feedback to regulate his labile sense of self-worth. This dependence makes most narcissists irritable. They fly into rages and have a very low threshold of frustration.
Like patients who suffer from Panic Attacks and Social Phobia (another anxiety disorder), narcissists are terrified of being embarrassed or criticised in public. Consequently, most narcissists fail to function well in various settings (social, occupational, romantic, etc.).
Many narcissists develop obsessions and compulsions. Like sufferers of GAD, narcissists are perfectionists and preoccupied with the quality of their performance and the level of their competence. As the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-IV-TR, p. 473) puts it, GAD patients (especially children):
"… (A)re typically overzealous in seeking approval and require excessive reassurance about their performance and their other worries."
This could apply equally well to narcissists. Both classes of patients are paralysed by the fear of being judged as imperfect or lacking. Narcissists as well as patients with anxiety disorders constantly fail to measure up to an inner, harsh, and sadistic critic and a grandiose, inflated self-image.
It is easy to mistake the presenting symptoms of certain anxiety disorders with pathological narcissism. Both types of patients are worried about social approbation and seek it actively. Both present a haughty or impervious facade to the world. Both are dysfunctional and weighed down by a history of personal failure on the job and in the family. But the narcissist is ego-syntonic: he is proud and happy of who he is. The anxious patient is distressed and is looking for help and a way out of his or her predicament. Hence the differential diagnosis.
http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissismanxiety.html
Thank you for your detailed
Submitted by TheRealJongoBongo on
Thank you for your detailed reply. GAD sounds like a horrible thing to experience but the symptoms do not match very well with what I experience with my wife.The ADHD part makes a good deal of sense as I said, one look at our house would probably convince anyone of that ;)