My husband is seeing a new psychiatrist, who may not know anything about ADD. When my husband was describing his ADD symptoms the doctor said "you are disabled" but my husband is working and wants to continue to do so. The doctor took him off anti-depressants, which we think is a mistake. The theory seems to be that the anit-depressants keep the ADD meds from working right. But Wellbutrin is often prescribed for ADD, so we don't understand how that could be keeping the Concerta from working. The doctor seems to be saying that the anti-depressants are the reason why he seems to build up a tolerance to the meds after about 6-9 months, and then it's like he's taking no ADD meds at all.
My questions for the smart members of this forum: Is ADD a disability? I'm afraid that label will keep my husband from trying to fix things.
Has anyone heard this theory that anti-depressants make ADD worse? What does he do about it if the doctor is wrong. We have limited funds to keep paying the co-pays.
As far as ADHD being a
Submitted by brooks30 on
As far as ADHD being a disability, in this country it is recognized one under the American with Disabilities Act (ADA).
Likewise, the act defined disability as:
“The term ‘disability’ means, with respect to an individual –
(a)a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more of the major life activities of such individual; (b)a record of such impairment; or (c)being regarded as having such an impairment.” (P.L. 101-336, Sec. )Looking at the World Health Organization, they actually catageorize ADHD as a form of mental retardation.
ADHD is a learning disability. But I am not sure if you are asking opinion or what has been laid out by the powers that be.
If my husband thinks of himself as disabled
Submitted by Sueann on
Then God help me. He'd do nothing ever.
I have a physical handicap (actually several related ones) which do limit my ability to walk, but I refuse to get a handicapped placard for my car or any special accomodations. I say "I'm not disabled, I work."
When a patient comes to a doctor saying I have a condition which is giving me trouble at work and the doctor refers to him as disabled, does that mean he shouldn't try to work? I should think people with ADD can work. Dr. Hallowell obviously works, Einstein worked, Richard Branson works. Can I not expect my ADD husband to work?
WHO has it wrong. Most ADDers are highly intelligent, as in the above examples. My husband graduated from college. I can't imagine sticking the mentally retarded label on him.
Mostly, I'm just wondering what the is best way for him to work with a doctor who thinks of ADD as a disability.
In Australia, even the disabled work... within limits
Submitted by sapphyre on
Disability is a 'bad' word. It doesn't mean you can't work at all. You may want to find a list of famous working ADHDers... Dr Ned Hallowell, Robin Williams, Gina Pera's hubby, to start.
Our psychiatrist describes ADHD as a difference (and Aspergers Syndrome). There are people who are Neuro typical, there are people who have ADHD or Aspergers, and we all have different strengths and weaknesses.
Please talk to your husband's psychiatrist, and point out if your husband stops working, you won't be able to afford to see him any more; that might give you a turnaround.
BTW, I do believe you too are 'disabled' Sueann... and you seem to be able to work! :)
I work with my brain and my hands
Submitted by Sueann on
I listed some famous working ADDers in another post on this topic. Dr. Hallowell, Einstein, Richard Branson. I forgot about Robin Williams. Most of these guys have made the ADD work for them.
I haven't had a job in years that requires a lot of walking. (I did the Census for a month; I thought I was going to die but the money was good.) I sit and grade papers or talk on the phone. These do not require walking. Nothing wrong with my mind, my mouth or my hands.
When I get my Paralegal degree, I hope to find someone to work for who can look beyond the physical to see that my brain and my heart work just fine.
Fortunately, at this point my husband seems to be convinced he should work and this doctor is not really helping him to do it. He has another meeting tomorrow. He may just give up on this guy and try to find someone else. He works in mental health, after all. He should be able to find someone who understands.
Disabled does not mean unable
Submitted by To2save on
A disability is a challenge, not an insurmountable wall. I have ADD and am unfortunately unemployed at the moment due to the recession, but working very hard to correct that. The Americans with Disabilities Act defines disabilities and requires employers to make "reasonable accomodations." Just him having this diagnosis in NO WAY should reduce your expectation that he work. ADD is an explanation - NOT an EXCUSE!
My husband
Submitted by Clarity on
is and has been taking Concerta and Wellbutrin together for quite awhile. My research found that Concerta was specifically designed to avoid tolerance but I'm sure that doesn't mean that everyone will react consistently. I have run into a number of medications that cause me side effects that others do not experience and at one time had to be quite adamant about the side effects of a medication that the doctor thought would resolve itself. It didn't. I had to insist he change my medication. You should really do the research and arm yourself with information to help you along. Good luck to you!
Mine too
Submitted by Sueann on
He's had side effects on all the ADD drugs. He actually takes another drug to counteract one of the side effects of Concerta. Weight loss early in the process, shaking to the point he fell several times, all scary stuff. This doctor isn't ready to meet me, and my husband forgets everything I tell him to ask the doctor. (If I write it down, he loses the note.)
Doctor isn't ready?
Submitted by To2save on
That is odd. The doc isn't ready to meet you? Did you get that from your husband or the doctor?
Doctor's office won't talk to me
Submitted by Sueann on
I'm not even allowed to make the appointments. He wants to meet me sometime because I'll have a more accurate assessment of how the meds are working. ADDers can't self-assess. But I think that will be after several months.
The first folks who treated him weren't interested in working on the effects of ADD on the marriage. They said we had to wait a year for that.
disorder/disability
Submitted by arwen on
My view on this is:
ADHD is always a disorder. It represents a particular class of non-normal brain funcitions and behaviors.
A person with ADHD may or may not be able to nonetheless do everything a person without ADHD can, depending on the degree of the disorder and the skills, training, counseling and/or medication they have acquired/received to deal with it. A person with ADHD may or may not be severely limited in their ability to perform what are considered normal tasks -- this is typically more likely when there are co-morbid factors. Therefore, in a medical sense, a person with ADHD may or may not be disabled.
A person with ADHD may or may not be considered to be disabled from a legal perspective, which has a more stringent definition of "disabled". ADHD is considered a disability under federal law, as other posters have pointed out, but in order to be classified as disabled from a legal perspective, there must be substantial limitation in major life activities. My impression is that it is pretty difficult, but not impossible, for someone with ADHD to be classified this way. One of the key criteria is being treated by a mental health professional -- another is taking prescription medications for ADHD. But then beyond that you still have to show significant impairment performing normal tasks in some area. My spouse certainly never would have qualified-- he could hold a good job, drive safely (most years), converse socially -- nobody who didn't live with him would have any real understanding of the problems.
Your spouse, on the other hand, may be able to qualify, given what you've described in your posts. This could make him eligible for some Social Security Disability benefits. You probably need to talk to a lawyer who handles this kinds of cases.
As far as the meds go, I don't understand what the doctor is suggesting either. Wellbutrin and Concerta both are norepinephrine and dopamine reuptake inhibitors. They may work in different ways, I don't know, but I still can't see how the one would interfere with the other. My husband also takes both of these medications part of the year, and he doesn't experience the effects your spouse's doctor is claiming.
"It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be." Albus Dumbledore
My husband got a little more clarity on the doctor's thinking
Submitted by Sueann on
He saw this doctor today again. He said he wasn't trying to get him off anti-depressants permanently. He thinks he is becoming depressed again in spite of the Wellbutrin, and wants to try a different anti-depressant. He thinks returning depression in causing an increase in what my husband describes to him as "concentration problems." That is certainly the case with the driving problems.
But no one seems to care about the ADD symptoms that drive me nuts: the lack of focus on getting anything done, the fact that he is totally spent when he gets home and unwilling to do anything, Without anti-depressants at all, he's going to bed hours earlier than usual or than I do. It all adds up to me feeling like I've got all the responsibiliites of marriage without any of the benefits.
There's also a "who cares about the wife" attitude on the part of both my husband and his doctor that I am finding frustrating. I know I'm not the patient but it effects me too, and I wish someone besides me thought about me. Right now I just miss my husband. I guess I'm just a selfish b***h. Sigh...
You are not selfish. You are a worn out carer.
Submitted by sapphyre on
Hey Sueann
You never expected this, or planned for it. Do not be hard on yourself just because others can't see your issues.
Are you sure there are no carer support groups in your area? He doesn't have just ADHD, he has Depression too. { Hugs }
He went to bed at 9:30 tonight
Submitted by Sueann on
The doctor wanted to wait until his court case (for driving while taking Wellbutrin) was concluded to try him on new meds. That should have happened today but didn't. Next month will be the fourth time he's had to take a day off work for this. The blood tests have come back and showed only Wellbutrin (which is not on the state's list of impairing substances). We don't know why it didn't show the Concerta, but not a problem of course. And we don't know why the D.A. didn't just drop the case. I am afraid the doctor is going to leave him unmedicated until after the case concludes {hopefully} in another 6 weeks.
Even though he didn't work today (and I did) he didn't do anything after court but watch reruns of Dr. Who. After I came home, he mowed the lawn, but he never finishes it when he does it. The house continues to be non-landlord-friendly, and I'm getting tired of cooking on a propane stove. I'm still up doing dishes and paperwork. I am so tired of doing everything alone. I am wondering if it's even worth it to try to fix it. If I lived alone, I'd only have to do the work for one person.
I know that feeling
Submitted by sapphyre on
Sueann, only you know why you are married to him, and if it's enough reason to stay.
Every day I see the state of my house, ever time he runs out of his painkillers again, I wonder why I am still married to my hubby. Here are my reasons:
1) There has been progress, and some of it has been recently. (Mind you it was caused by changing meds due to sleep deprivation bringing on psychosis!)
2) He wants to improve.
3) He is loving and affectionate.
4) We have children together and he has dramatically improved the way he communicates with them. (I warned him he had to control his temper because I wasn't going to let his inability to cope with every day life make our children have anxiety disorders. I would leave him if this hadn't improved.)
5) Every day he does something around the house. It may not be exactly what I wanted or needed, but he is supporting us that way.
6) He wouldn't survive on his own in the real world. At best, he'd move back to the US to live with his parents. At worst he'd kill himself. The current situation is not bad enough to make me consider either of those options.
I suggest you make a list. Don't do anything at the moment. Just work on the list for a few days.
Oh, and ask his doctor what his plans are; better to know than to have the uncertainty.
In the US, I can't talk to his doctor
Submitted by Sueann on
I have no rights. We have a law called HIPPA in which all patients have an absolute right to privacy. I can't talk to my 85 year old mother's doctor about her medical issues, and I can't talk to my husband's either. Actually, I guess I can legally talk to them, but they can't talk to me.
I've never been much of a believer in anti-depressants. I figured if I can make myself walk, even though it's hard and it hurts, they can make themselves function. (I felt the same way about ADD meds.) But this has made me a believer. I want my husband back. If I'm married to the drugs and not the man, so be it.
I don't have kids with him and my daughter can't stand him. She's a divorce attorney who keeps pushing me to divorce him and she'll do the work for free.
Sueann, Just because some see
Submitted by brooks30 on
Sueann,
Just because some see ADHD as a disability shouldn't mean that your husband won't do anything about it. It's all about the way he views ADHD and fortunately this is something you can help with.
If you try to stay positive about it and encourage treatment then maybe he will be more acceopting of ADHD.
I have seen you on this forum a lot so I know you are trying to stay informed but I would encourage you to do some additional research about ADHD. The more you know will ultimately help you in making decisions about your situation and hopefully will help you help your husband.
Keep in mind though that additional research means different things for different people. Melissa and Aspen are authorities (in my opinion) on ADHD and this has helped them have more successful marriages. The more research I did the more I realized I didn't want to be with my ADHDer (simply because I was able to see that he was never going to put in the effort required to lessen the negative effects of his ADHD on our relationship).
Good luck to you.
I don't think of my husband as disabled
Submitted by Sueann on
My husband is taking meds for his ADD. (I could write a book on all the side effects, financial problems caused by them, etc.) What I saw was that once medicated, he was willing to go back to work, once our marriage counselor actually got him to see that I'd be justified in leaving him if he didn't at least try to get a job. So neither of us see him as disabled from working, and he did tell the psychiatrist so.
But I saw no improvement in our relationship. He still does not empathize with my struggles to handle all the housework, etc. when simple walking is painful for me. He has no clue how any of his ADD symptoms affect me. No counselor has been able to help me with that and he has decided that he doesn't need to read any more books etc. He is in the "I'm taking meds; I don't have to do anything else" stage and he may never leave it. We are not currently working with a counselor, either alone or together. We can't afford it and have exhausted all the low-cost options.
So I think I may end up making the same decision as you once I finish school and can support myself. I am so sad that I fell in love with a person (hyperfocused guy) who no longer exists. I miss him and I want him back. I think that is why I am so sad all of the time.
vast spectrum of ADD
Submitted by Miss Behaven on
Whether ADD is classified as a disability or not depends on which country you live in. What a disability means to depends on your cultural context.
Sweden considered taking away the ADD diagnosed citizens’ right to drive. In Canada you can claim disability with ADD though the process is fraught with red tape and you must prove you have very severe ADD.
In all the reading and research, the support groups, meetings, online chatting, parenting, workshops and everything that I have done I honestly think there is a vast spectrum of ADD just like Autism. For some it is a mild disorder, something that they may be able to get a grip on. For others it is a true disability rendering their lives difficult and making work and relationships a terrible struggle maybe even impossible. Whereas most fall ADDers somewhere in between on the spectrum.
Think of a large axis (or wheel or compass) with many spokes. One for hyperactivity, one for inattention, one for impulsivity, one for hyperfocus, one for motivation, one for sensory issues, and one for executive function (such as organization, socialization, language etc).
As you move further towards the centre of the axis on each spoke, the severity of the symptoms increase. Some people will be further along certain spokes than other spokes. I am further towards centre on the hyperactivity spoke than my hubby, who is further down the executive function spoke than I am.
Then you tally up how close to center a person is on each spoke to see how severe the ADD is. Then you must add things like comorbids, such as learning disabilities, anxiety and depression.
There are ADDers who mange to be stay at home moms with a bachelor degree, who do okay in the realms of motivation and organization but who struggle greatly in the social realm, with hyperactivity and impulsiveness, anxiety and with things like money management (like myself)
There are ADDers who have PhDs who can hold down a good job, who can socialize pretty well, who are great thinkers and good with money, but who struggle with motivation, depression, inattention, energy levels and sensory issues (such as my husband)
There are ADDers who socialize very well, who use language very well, who have no sensory issues, but who struggle greatly with hyperactivity, learning disabilities, impulsiveness, organization, and hyperfocus (such as my brother)
Then there are ADDers who struggle with everything, they cannot focus, they cannot socialize well, they are disorganized, they are inattentive, possibly hyperactive as well, they have no motivation, they communicate and socialize poorly, they have many comorbids, they have many sensory issues and so forth, even with all the treatment in the world they can never function well enough to be happy and contributing members of society. (such as my uncle)
Perhaps I am not disabled, but if not then I do have a disorder. My uncle is certainly disabled.
Husband fired for having ADD
Submitted by Sueann on
I've posted about this elsewhere....
My husband has worked the last 3 years as a peer specialist, which is part of a mental health team. Peer specialists are required to have a diagnosed mental illness and to have it under control to the extent that they can do therapeutic work with others who have mental illness. My husband has ADD and depression (and takes meds for both). He has loved his job.
He was fired Friday for things he didn't do that seem all too familiar to those with ADD and their families- difficulty writing notes on client progress, running out of gas (he didn't but he came close) with clients in the car, losing company cell phones, etc. It seems so unfair to me for them to hire him because he has ADD, then fire him for manifesting the symptoms. They want it both ways.
The only lawyer I know is my daughter and she's a divorce attorney. She can't stand him (he's not her father) and thinks well, he got fired for screwing up and ADD is no excuse. I am trained as a paralegal but we didn't cover this area of the law in school. I think he's being discriminated against and we wonder if we could make that legal case.
Has anyone had any luck with this?