Has anyone been able to rekindle a relationship after your ex-ADHD partner gets treatment?
There are a lot of horror stories on here and believe me I had them too. But things got much better after we broke up for some reason and the breakup was kind and loving. He talks about me non stop to his family, loves me, and is in love with me , nothing about our relationship changed but the name and that he is much much kinder. I don't want children or marriage or anything in terms of commitment. But for the reasons he's mentioned for not wanting to be with me again, I don't understand them (he would say, he didn't feel supported, but I'd say, you feel supported now right, and he'd say yes)
We both love each other to bits but I'm hurt and confused over exactly what happened pre and post breakup. We're both dealing with a lot of hurt. I've been trying to get some space from him to heal but he has been desperate to spend time with me which is confusing. In any case it seemed like he was able to get over some blocks from the relationship (feeling like I was "forcing him" to go to the doctor) and opened up to it the day we broke up. I promised him that no matter what I'd do that for him. We had only a few fights, and he responded to one of them by telling me, "I want so much to be kinder to you, how can I do that?" which was really shocking for me and tells me he's really changed a lot. I responded that I just wanted him to have an open mind about going to the doctor and therapist because I thought that would really help, but that I loved him and I would never ask him to keep going to a doctor or therapist or taking a medicine that didn't feel right for him and that didn't help.
So we did finally get to the doctor this past week after a lot of work, it was such a bittersweet moment, because it would have helped so much in our relationship. And now I'm scared going forward. I'm so scared selfishly that it will help him but he'll just move forward and be even less of a part of my life...or alternatively it helps so much that things stay the same between us and get even better, but he's still claiming that he doesn't want to be with him. It has been really up and down and a confidence hit dealing with feeling rejected and confused as to what really happened or what he is feeling now.
It's never been the easy choice staying with him but I've learned so much about myself and how to be a kinder person, and how to communicate better and not take things personally. I do think he has been my teacher and he has given me a great gift. Maybe that's all it will be, but we grew together so much in a short time and now we are barely the people we were when we met, in a good way, and I can't help but think we can move on from that.
Of course even though I love him a lot I still have my dignity...at some point if this becomes very unfair to me or too painful to me I will leave. But I don't know if this is the time to do it, or to wait around to see through some of the treatment. I feel like things could go really well or really badly. And I'm scared and need support :(
Proceed with caution
Submitted by adhd32 on
I would suggest that you wait a while and see how committed he is to CONTINUED treatment. This is not a one and done scenario, it never goes away, even with continued treatment. He will need to do more than one visit and will probably benefit from continued therapy and coaching, and maybe medication. See if he sticks with it since he stated that he felt that you forced him into treatment and he doesn't want it. Give him space to put his life back together, and discourage his desperate attempts to spend time with you until you see he is working on concrete goals he has set for himself. You have zero control over what happens next and things may not go the way you want but if you really love someone, their wellbeing is more important than whether or not they stay in your life. Make continued therapy a condition to be met before you consider getting back together. You have read the horror stories, they are all true. Sometimes love just isn't enough.
life styles evolve out of mindsets....(What's possible)
Submitted by c ur self on
(He talks about me non stop to his family, loves me, and is in love with me...)
What makes him want to be with you? We know it's not your ability to commit as a wife, or give him children...(he calls it love)...What about your living of life is making his life easy? LOL....(Usually it's free sex, or you do all the house work, or you have the most money, usually it's some kind of gravy train for the irresponsible person, that makes them just LOVE the fire out you LOL...)
Work through what he gets with you....and what he is giving with you...and usually the picture becomes clear.....I like what adhd 32 told you....Can he maintain a responsible life (one that is attractive to you) living alone? I think you will find out the answer is probably not....I hope I'm wrong;)
c
Rekindling relationship
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
Actions not words.
relationships are tough
Submitted by repeat that please on
You obviously have qualities he finds very attractive. If he sees them, others do, too. "A day at a time" sounds trite, but it is all we've got. He sounds like a good guy. Whether or not he's right for you, who knows? But, it appears he's got some redeeming qualities. Enjoy him in the moment and see what happens, confident you will make good decisions.