Submitted by mysticlvr on 05/25/2021.
My husband has adhd. He does not take his medications. He constantly accuses me (and gets so frustrated/mad at me) of not telling him things that I definitely told him or claims something didn't happen that did. He says I have the bad memory. When I show him proof (emails with dates, screenshots, txts etc), he refuses to acknowledge it and still ignores/avoids me. He sometimes says I live in my own reality I make up and he makes me question my sanity but I really do think it's HIM. I've been asking to go to therapy for two years now, or have him go, but he refuses. He won't take his meds either and doesn't want me medicating our son, who also has adhd.
Advice? I feel like if we can't get past this, it could end the marriage.
He is projecting his
Submitted by SJC2021 on
He is projecting his inadequacies onto you obviously.
People with ADHD know they have a issue, but some are in denial, as no one wants to admit they have a bad brain.
Ask yourself how much different your life would be without him . Would it really be harder ? No it wouldn't.
Some fear leaving their kids with an ADHD ex spouse. Don't. My ex has her kids all the time and they are fine. They eat too much sugar but otherwise she does OK when she has them.
Read these forums, read others. Marriage to an unwilling ADHD spouse is pure hell. No other way to describe it honestly.
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life living this way ?
He is gaslighting you.
Submitted by adhd32 on
Go to therapy without him and start strategizing on your next steps. Seek legal advice regarding your son's future. No improvement will happen unless your husband is willing to do the work. Many NON moms and dads who post here stayed for years because of the fear of leaving kids alone with ADD parent for weekend visitation if they divorced. Best to know all your options in order to make an informed decision. You may discover options you didn't know you had. You cannot fix your husband and he has shown you he is unwilling to take his meds or go to therapy, so nothing will change.
Non-ADHD should get counselor with significant ADHD training
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
When you evaluate counselors specifically ask about their training regarding ADHD and their actual experience treating couples where ADHD is a factor. You want them to be familiar with the chaotic reality that ADHD brings. Otherwise you'll get months of advice to 'be more empathetic' and 'come together' even though you've already spent years (and a good part of your sanity) attempting the same. Go to the counseling without your spouse if she declines to attend initially. You will directly benefit whether she is there or not. If she's not there work with the counselor to focus on YOU and your path forward.
Always remember you also 'have ADHD'... it is just not in YOUR brain.