My ADHD husband and I are literally on the verge of divorce. We have been married twelve years, together fourteen. The beginning was great of course but as soon as we got married, it went downhill and has progressively gotten worse with each passing day. We have hung in there as long as we can but are both so miserable that we cannot even find any joy together any longer.
So, a few weeks ago we decided to stop hurting each other and move towards divorcing. When I went to the bookstore looking for resources to assist in coping with divorce, I came across Melissa Orlov's Couples Guide to Thriving with ADHD. I read it in a day and then purchased the ADHD effect on Marriage. Reading the books was like reading a biography of our life. So, I discussed this with him and he is VERY reluctantly agreeing to do the seminar as a last ditch effort.
Do we have any chance of turning things around if he is not going into this with a hopeful heart?
So many good wishes for you two
Submitted by NowOrNever (not verified) on
Ha,
of course we cant guess outcome of the seminar on you two, long term.
I've got hope for you, though. The seminar is with Melissa. Others have reported real, good impact of it. It's very good that your husband will do it with you. Some of our spouses are completely allergic to therapy, and some are allergic to change, or, when it gets past talk, any kind of shared work on the relation, so I take it as a sign that your husband wants to stay with you that he's willing to do the seminar with you.
Go for it, and ask these questions of Melissa. It's what happens between the two of you, after the seminar, changing how you do things, where the rubber hits the road. You both want to stay together, Here's a ton of good wishes coming your way as you tackle the seminar
Now
Thank you for your response
Submitted by HaHaHa on
Thank you for your response. Underneath all of the anger and resentment, I really do love him. We have a small child as well that I want to grow up in a functional, happy environment. I know that the way things are now, that is not possible and if we cannot turn this around that we will have to part ways. I wish we could wait for the live session, but unfortunately we cannot emotionally afford to wait so we are going to purchase the recorded version this week and start.
It really wasn't an easy sell to get him to agree to do it because he feels like we have tried everything and have ended up here. However, I do not want to give up until I know we have really tried everything and this is our Hail Mary.
He changed his mind
Submitted by HaHaHa on
He promised me he would do the seminar and then kept putting the off and putting it off. He went out of town for work and told me that we would start it when he got back. The day before he was to come home he texted me and said that one seminar wasn't going to change anything and that we were both checked out so we should just accept it and move on. I asked him again to reconsider and we stopped talking about it. He has been home for over a week and has basically been avoiding me like the plague, which isn't out of the ordinary, unfortunately. This morning I brought it up and the patterns that I now recognize from reading the books, but he says he just can't. He has put me through the ringer time and time again so I don't know why I let it hurt so bad, but it does. The stakes are so much higher now that we have a child and with his irresponsible and selfish behavior I cannot feel comfortable leaving my child in his care for any extended period of time, not to mention I have been the 99% caregiver his entire life. He is almost five and I miss him terribly just being at work for the day. My husband has mentioned that he thinks we should do 50/50 custody and that if I fight it he will fight me on it. While everyone who knows us and the dynamic at our house had assured me he will not get it, it still terrifies me because my husband is a liar who is able to manipulate people. Heck, he has manipulated me for 14 years. What if he does fight me and I lose? Not only do I lose, but my child does too. What am I going to do? I am so lost right now.