Hello my boyfriend A recently broke up with me and i was with him for 2 years we had a normal happy fun loving relationship when he was happy until he got in a mood,mad,stressed,piss,frustrated then it all went out the window. He constantly reminds me of my past all my wrong doings but this was before him . in the beginning i made mistakes but apologized and never repeated them again straightened up my act did a 180 :) .mr A holds everything over my head if i lied, if i hurt him, if i disappointed him, and he has cheated on me 2x , belittled me, cursed at me in front of his 13 year old boy who is thee best boy ever, he throws shade at me all the time i never ever bring up his past, or hold things above his head i keep on moving forward and forgive no ones perfect.he says its ADHD he cant control his mind and thoughts he overthinks, i dont care what he did before me and even forgave him during our relationship when he cheated yet he is so hard on me . When he 1st mentioned he had ADHD i thought no problem its okay it means hell be hyper and active no biggy heck no oh my goodness it means exactly what he told me very hard, he doesnt medicate him self and i dont know if he is very knowledgeable on his own illness. i walk on egg shells around him , i cant get too loud or angry or express myself hell react and somehow blame me for over reacting or im crazy. i cant talk too much or we don't communicate about our issues hell get overwhelmed and cant be there to support me, i cook, i clean, i take good care of the household and myself and him ,his son too, he stresses out easily, he gets all depressed and throws a pity party for himself which then i have to talk him out of it, i cant ever mess up around him or he makes fun of me and call me names, says i cant hold a conversation , hes bored of me, he doesn't trust me but he doesn't trust anyone his own mother hes very skeptical were all out to get him sad. i still love him he has hurt me for no reason at all it sucks so bad he speaks ill of me when im the only one who has tolerated him and been here for him but nope hes cold and only gives 1 chance so in the beginning he says i lied and it changed his whole view on me and made things different. this guy thinks hes perfect you cant call him out on anything he don't care he just says hes been mentally ill for 37 years why do i think i can change him? hes been married 1x and that was bad he did the same to her and hes been alone for 10years here i come to help and love him he disrespects me , doesn't take meds for his sickness. its frustrating as heck he writes me off like no remorse and believes im wrong i messed it up .it frustrates me because i think a normal person wouldn't do this or say this or have this outcome .... i get so mad very frustrated im alone , i am broken and disturbed by all his hurtful words he turned his back on me. he is a 37 year old man acting ungrateful. I haven't seen him in 3 weeks he broke up with me randomly on valentines day ... we went to dinner me,him,the son i knew don't get excited he is not that guy its ADHD its going to end bad prepare myself i did i spoke up, threw some things out there called him out but still he came back with oh you lied 1x blah blah... hes right i am wrong, im evil i am a trader according to him, no sense in going back and forth so i stop we talked nothing got solved or better hes a brick wall stone cold. he cursed at me called me names, and all over because i joked around i wasn't paying for the bill i was i said i would and im good for my word i paid it. he still was cursing at me and that is how i left sad huh ? i never dealt with this in my life it is very hard i was willing to marry him , still try to work things out with him for the millionth time. He has made me sleep on the floor he was mad at me, he straight out tells me things , i cant cough too loud or he gets annoyed, he ruins our outings he can flip in a minute over the way i speak or my tone or his son anything hell find ways to blame us its never him. it hurts my very soul i tried my best i read the bible to him ,pray over him,love and respect him, he spits on me everytime never fails . he only has apologized to me 3 or 5xs in 2 years. he has a temper he can be cool and happy funny nice sweet he is totally a lovey dovey i like it when hes like that but when that switch flips its hard he dont call/text for 3-5 days punishment . when we do make up he dont talk about it. i love him and dam this ADHD im still praying for him but i dont want to be disrespected like this anymore, im alone i have to put him and his needs before mine, i like to help him make him smile but what about me ? im tired emotionally,mentally he dont change and i cant see why im bothering anymore
ADHD partner blames me always
Submitted by coco8712 on 03/08/2015.
Your ex does not likely only have ADHD
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
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until he got in a mood,mad,stressed,piss,frustrated then it all went out the window. He constantly reminds me of my past all my wrong doings but this was before him .
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What you are describing strongly suggests that he also has far more serious mental illnesses going on......personality disorder(s), depression, anxiety, etc.
YOU ARE FAR better off without him! I was not aware of any of these things prior to marrying my H many, many years ago. If I had, I never would have married him. When dating, things weren't stressful, so he rarely exhibited these horrible behaviors. However, once married, and life stresses came on the horizon (job, kids, home-buying, life's hiccups, etc)....then the ugliness really flares...really flares. the blaming, the digging up the past in a very cruel way, the horrific name-calling, throwing things, breaking things, etc.
It would have only gotten worse for you....I can promise you that. Do not look back. Look forward. Find someone who won't call you names, won't use your past against you, etc. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!
thank you
Submitted by coco8712 on
i appreciate your response so much it helps me while i feel like im going crazy and constantly replaying all his negative name calling in my head it hurts. i know im a good person with great qualities that any normal would love to have in a gf :) . the name calling and the constant reminder of my past is too much for me im not proud of it but im not ashamed were all human and make mistakes so what were not robots . I agree i know he has depression and bipolar or some sort of personality disorder. Today he sent me videos of this trashy hoe bag he hooked up with before me he felt the need to send it to me her knocking on his door broke my heart and made me sick to my stomach. He gets a kick out of torturing me i blocked his # but he text me off another # . i wanted to marry him crazy huh? i willing to keep going through this and it would have got worse he never held back ever no self control and he isnt medicated eek !he let the ugliness flare over small tiny things i am now involved in church and seeing a psychiatrist to help me flush this out . i do deserve better thank you. i guess what messes me up is jealousy what if he finds an amazing woman and it was my fault my past effected him idk im sure hell do this to another woman no matter what .. thanks you so much if you can pray for me please
your ex likely has more than ADHD
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
What you're describing suggests a personality disorder (Axis II...maybe borderline personality disorder).
bipolar
Submitted by coco8712 on
i agree i see a bipolarness going on with him too but he wont go get help or medicate himself .
Maybe not bi-polar.....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
Read about Borderline Personality Disorder.
Coco8712 More than ADHD
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Wow. if you guys are separated currently, it would be better off if you stayed that way. I don't give advice like this to hardly anyone because of so many variables, but what this man is doing to you is called ABUSE. (not ADHD) Even if he does have ADHD, he should not be behaving the way he is, because he sounds so out of control. You need to heal and get some relief for yourself. You cannot fix this guy, or even help him at this point. He needs to see for himself that his actions are not good for you...OR himself, but I don't think you will get through to him. He needs to be medicated and have a good ADHD behavioral coach. He can't get better if he has you to blame everything on. This is really sad. I pray for better days for you. Hugs.
abuse ADHD
Submitted by coco8712 on
were seperated and it hurts but he hurts me when were together so it doesn't matter. its too much for me the name calling my past, if i lie to him he labels me a liar and like wants to stone me swear its the worse. im trying to heal and focus on myself it is hard im messed up mentally now . he was abusive and i have to try my best to be stronger and not let him see me a mess and break hell love that. he just sent videos of his trampy hoe he used to hook up this girl is gross shes knows for being promiscuous he felt the need to share shes knocking on his door it made me sick like i wana throw up how someone can be so evil. i pray for him and i his son ths is very toxic for all involved and now im not there to save or help the son is what kills me . he shouldnt behaving like this with me he should be thanking the lord up above for a woman like me pretty smart no kids good job loves the lord and his psycho ass but he complains and bickers i cant raise a man . thanks for responding it helps me just vent and get that support i need. please do pray for me.
Believe me.....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
Even when you tell the truth, you will be called a liar. whenever I say something H doesn't like, then I'm a liar. If he asked me if I wrote a check for $300, and I say "no" (because I didn't), he'll call me a liar, because he's convinced that I have written that check. It doesn't matter if later he realizes that HE wrote the check, because he won't apologize.
100%
Submitted by coco8712 on
Yes you are totally right I am always a liar he cant trust me im like this evil whore liar just everything BAD which IM NOT < we made up surprisingly and it only took 2 weeks for him to flip my sis sent me pics of this dude whom i never met but he was with me and it did look bad but i was with him this whole weekend and he is in my phone always anyways she was just being silly or a jerk and saying this guy is going to call me playing around she knows my dude is bad to me, so ya i showed him texts and told him the truth im innocent and corrected my sis and put this behind us . he acted cool and actually mature for like 1.5 hours after at night full blown psycho on me. calling me a liar and saying to go be with this dude its crazy ! im getting in trouble being treated like i did someting wrong when im innocent ,,, how do you deal with it?
GET OUT
Submitted by KrazyKrysi on
Coco8712
I've read your post and your comments. I know how you feel. I absolutely, 100% know how you feel. I've been though a lot of what you are describing - but the only difference is I didn't fully experience it until after I was married to the ADHD spouse and pregnant with his child. If you aren't married and you don't have children with this man - get out. I realize that he has a child from a past relationship - and I won't comment on that other than to say you should let the child's mother know what is going on (she might confirm that the man's behaviour hasn't change since she was with him). This woman needs to know how her ex's behaviour could be effecting her child. If she isn't in the picture, then talk to your boyfriends parents, or a relative, or someone and let them know what the real situation with him is (because chances are unless they are very close to him, they don't have a real picture - my husband's family doesn't know). Then, GET THE HELL OUT!!
I only advise you to speak with someone from your boyfriend's family so they will know he is sick - so when he does this again to someone else, you will have the peace of knowing that you warned his family of how he is.
I love my husband with all of my heart and soul, despite all of his issues, but I know with 100% confidence, that if I knew then what I know now, I NEVER WOULD HAVE MARRIED HIM - I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT!
Each time he treats you badly and you don't leave, or you go back after you've left, then you give him a free pass to treat you worse and worse - it won't get better, it will only progress until...what?
Frankly, it doesn't matter if he's got ADHD, BPD, Bi-Polar, Schizophrenia, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, he's an asshole. There is a point where any untreated mental disorder is just an excuse for bad behaviour.
It doesn't matter what you've done before you got into a relationship with him - that shouldn't effect how he treats you because your past didn't change after he met you. If he knew about your past, then he chose to pursue a relationship with you anyway - if he didn't know about your past, then he liked you for you and your past shouldn't effect that. Under no circumstances should he continue to want be in a relationship with you and still hold anything from your past (before him) against you. If your past bothers him enough to use it against you, then he shouldn't want to be in a relationship with you. But, there again - he is just using it to control and maniupulate you.
GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM IMMEDIATELY! For your own sanity, please. I don't know you, but I am begging you to leave this man. No good will come from staying with him. Only God can heal your boyfriend, or guide him towards wellness, and if he isn't willing to seekGod's help, though modern medicine and treatment, then he is not worth your time.
100% AGREE!
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
>>>
I love my husband with all of my heart and soul, despite all of his issues, but I know with 100% confidence, that if I knew then what I know now, I NEVER WOULD HAVE MARRIED HIM - I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT!
Each time he treats you badly and you don't leave, or you go back after you've left, then you give him a free pass to treat you worse and worse - it won't get better, it will only progress until...what?
Frankly, it doesn't matter if he's got ADHD, BPD, Bi-Polar, Schizophrenia, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, he's an asshole. There is a point where any untreated mental disorder is just an excuse for bad behaviour.
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And, at some point, you likely won't love your H with your whole "heart and soul," because each raging episode cuts a little of the love.
I do love my husband but after decades of these episodes, there is no way that I can love him with my whole heart and soul. Who could? I'm not Teflon, altho I'm very strong, each time does take a toll on me and my health.
Yes, very likely, if there is name-calling, throwing things, raging anger, etc, the issue is NOT ONLY ADHD. Likely there is also either an Axis I disorder (bi-polar or ??), or an Axis II disorder (one or more of the Personality Disorders. ) Furthering the problem, is that there is also likely depression and anxiety.
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GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM IMMEDIATELY! For your own sanity, please. I don't know you, but I am begging you to leave this man. No good will come from staying with him. Only God can heal your boyfriend, or guide him towards wellness, and if he isn't willing to seekGod's help, though modern medicine and treatment, then he is not worth your time.
>>>>>
totally agree! GET OUT!
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how do you deal with it?
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It's a constant nightmare. We no longer can have friends over to our home or even make plans with friends because H will use those opportunities to "get back at me" for some perceived "wrong doing."
*Sigh*
Submitted by KrazyKrysi on
I do, still, love my husband with every ounce of my being. I often wonder, though, how much of that is me loving him as my partner, lover, spouse, and equal vs. me loving him as the father of my children. Because sometimes, I feel like he is just another of my children.
It's sort of ironic, because some of the things I love about him in certain situations are the same things that piss me off about him in other situations. I love when he becomes hyper-focused and passionate about something, and he has to know everything about it and be successful, etc. But that same focus is terrible, when applied to bad situations or "perceived wrong doings" (that is the perfect terminology to describe those situations).
There are also other issues that I don't want to admit to myself. He has a terrible time maintaining friendships. His long-term friendships are with family, or with a couple of his buddies from high school who moved away - so he only sees them a couple of times a year, and only speaks to them occasionally.
Also, he doesn't seem to be able to hold a job. Or, at least he's changed CAREERS a couple of times in the 8 years that we've been together. When I met him, he was a student (after loosing an 8 year factory job, he went back to get his degree), with his degree, he taught middle school math, then he got pink slipped due to budget cuts, so he went back to get his masters in collaborative education, about halfway through with his master's, he quit to get a temp job at the factory where I work. Then, he decided to be a farmer. That lasted 4 or 5 years, and that got to be too overwhelming, so I demanded that he quit (at least that's how he tells it). It's a long story, but it was causing issues with my family (he was farming their land), and because of his "stress level" he was "short-tempered" and "very unorganized" so he couldn't find anyone to work for him - and I have a full time and 2 kids to take care of, so I couldn't help him, and he was just a major pissed-off a-hole most of the time. So, currently he is unemployed, but he did well farming, so we are okay financially. And he is supposed to be getting some renovations done on our house. Unfortunately, the only thing he seems to be doing is fishing (in the very nice bass boat that he bought last year, because "he deserved it" because "I got a new car" Of course, my new car was USED, and I got it 5 years ago, because we only had 1 working vehicle at the time!! But at least he's happy, but I mean who wouldn't be happy. His soul responsibility is taking our 6-year old to Kindergarten on time every morning. Then, I found out from the teacher that he's late at least 1 day a week - WHY???!!!??? He doesn't even keep our 5-month old, even though he DOESN'T HAVE A JOB. I take the baby to my mom's each morning ON MY WAY TO WORK. He doesn't cook, he doesn't clean the house, he does nothing but GO FISHING!! But at least he's happy, which means I get some peace.
So, Overwhelmed, you are right - I don't really love him with my whole heart and soul any more. Because my heart and soul are too damaged and aren't whole any more.
I look at it this way--it's
Submitted by dvance on
I look at it this way--it's not safe to love my DH with my whole heart and soul any more because he will do something that totally rips my guts out and then I am a basket case while he is over it in a heartbeat. Case in point: he has had an ongoing dalliance with a woman he met in a psychiatric hospital when he was hospitalized for a week two years ago. She is a bipolar alcoholic. The last contact he had with her was in October when she was telling him he was the man she loved the most and how sorry she was that she didn't get healthy soon enough to make a life with him and our kids. Okay--WHAT?!?! And sending him videos of the song The Way we Were. And thanking him for the weeks of good memories. I have no idea what they did to give her these good memories or why she would think she has chance of a life with him. But this bothered me a great deal--still does-but he is over it (until the next episode) and actually had the balls to tell our marriage counselor in November that he thinks he has proven himself to be trustworthy. HUH? What I am trying to say--quite inarticulately--is there have been so many episodes like this--three women, lies over money and his physical whereabouts, lost jobs--I would be stupid to keep trusting him and going back for more. I get leveled every time and he moves on SO FAST and cannot figure out why I am still upset. I cannot afford to give myself to him 100% ever again. Maybe 60%. Maybe. I end up a blithering idiot-can't function at work, snapping at the kids--just a wreck over whatever he did and he is fine. Now granted, these are BIG events. The smaller stuff? Same thing really. I just assume that what comes out of his mouth may or may not be true. If he calls to tell me what time he will be home, it's about a 50/50 that it will actually happen. Tonight he said he would be home about 5pm and it was 6:30 when he arrived home, so pretty close. Last week he was returning from a business trip (driving) and he texted me at 11:30 that he was leaving where he was and so should have been home in about 4 hours. He walked in at 6:30. Told me there was an accident. It is almost impossible for me to believe that an accident on a highway that I know that is close to us added 2 1/2 hours to his commute. But now I know not to expect anything, so I didn't give it a second thought when he was that late. I asked more out of curiosity and it's fun to see what he comes up with to explain himself.
In all seriousness, though--it's just not safe to give 100% to someone with ADHD. You don't get it back. There is no balance. My DH is not a comfort, not a safe place. He is not the first person I tell good news to, not the first person I ask for help or an opinion or go to to bounce ideas off of. He is not the person I complain to about a bad work day. If something comes up or he is in a nice mood I may, but by and large I have a handful of friends and colleagues that I go to for work advice or when I have something on my mind. I just spent a month negotiating a new position and a raise at my job and I didn't say a word until three days after I signed the new contract. He doesn't even know what my raise is. Hasn't asked.
I too have to be very careful with DHs stress level--he was suicidal two years ago (hence the hospital stay) and can fall into depression really fast. So his mental health always comes first. He absolutely has ADHD too, so there is both. I have to protect myself--I cannot be leveled again. So I love him like a mom, not like a wife. I feel obligated to take care of him because he has so little inner resources of his own. But I gotta say--once the youngest goes to college--I have to leave. I cannot live like this forever. I don't want to. It costs me too much. Little parts of me get shut down little by little over time. I'm worried that four years from now there won't be much of me left at all. I do know I don't EVER EVER want to live with another person again EVER. I don't want to make decisions that affect anyone but myself. I don't want to have to tell someone where I am going when they don't do me the same courtesy. I want to only be responsible for myself.
"In all seriousness, though-
Submitted by AlmaVera on
"In all seriousness, though--it's just not safe to give 100% to someone with ADHD. You don't get it back. There is no balance. My DH is not a comfort, not a safe place. He is not the first person I tell good news to, not the first person I ask for help or an opinion or go to to bounce ideas off of. He is not the person I complain to about a bad work day. If something comes up or he is in a nice mood I may, but by and large I have a handful of friends and colleagues that I go to for work advice or when I have something on my mind. I just spent a month negotiating a new position and a raise at my job and I didn't say a word until three days after I signed the new contract. He doesn't even know what my raise is. Hasn't asked."
I really identified with your words. My most recent relationship was with a guy diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. There were a lot of times I just didn't tell the him things in my life -- good or bad -- because I didn't really think he cared. And when I told him I didn't think he cared, nothing changed. It was very painful. I could feel myself going backwards to feeling like I did after my marriage ended. He even told me once that I just wasn't the same confident, strong person I was when we first met. Well, that was a direct result of our relationship and how he treated me after the hyperfocus ended. He never believed me; it was my fault that things were not working out. Even though he was quick to criticize and judge me, and very, very rarely said kind or supportive or complimentary or romantic things, I was being too hard on him when I told him that his negativity and lack of loving behavior was really killing me. I wish I'd been stronger then, because I would have kept my promise to myself not to settle for treatment like that again. I would have ended things when I saw his behavior change -- I would have known that that was who he was, and that it wouldn't get better. You are right -- you don't feel safe in that kind of relationship. I had worked really hard to trust again and to open myself up, and instead, I felt myself closing up a little more everyday. It may sound silly, but sometimes, I had a mental picture of a flower closing up at night.
Here's the thing, though -- it's not everyone with ADHD who acts like this. I have ADHD, and I really, really wanted a connection and did and suggested everything I could to help us. He knew I was interested in his life, because he did contact me when things were going on, but it was a very one-sided relationship.
So, I think this might be one of those times where there is either some other co-existing condition that causes this lack of emotional connection on the part of some people with ADHD, or maybe it's just severity of symptoms along a spectrum. But we're not all the same.
response
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
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vs me loving him as father of my children
<<<
Yes, that is likely a dilemma. You love him as a member of your family. but likely you don't love him as a husband...the protector, the person you can depend on, etc. A man-child isn't sexy, and it's hard to respect one.
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he doesn't seem to be able to hold a job. Or, at least he's changed CAREERS a couple of times in the 8 years that we've been together.
<<<
Well, that's not a good sign. And, to be honest, you haven't been together very long. 8 years may seem like a long time, but try 30+ years. H and I have been together 32 years. the first 15 years were a dream compared to the last 17.
I didn't get to finish the above....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
nearly every holiday is ruined, nearly every vacation has days ruined. There is just no stability.
ruined
Submitted by coco8712 on
i know what you mean if they feel mad stressed negative vibes you feel it and thats the atmosphere of the day sucks. what do you do ?
I have given up trying with him....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
I vacation without him. Even his promises to behave end up failures. I got tired of going to destinations that had tours, etc, that required us to be there at a certain time (to avoid crowds/lines, which H hates), yet he'd sleep in.
I have a trip to Europe planned...without him. I told him "no way" would I go somewhere so expensive with him and then be angry that I didn't get to see what I wanted because he was still in bed all morning.
I went to one of our son's graduation without him. My other son had a "special day" at his grad school, and I went without H. I hosted a dinner at a restaurant in celebration, H wasn't there (thank goodness, he would have ruined it). One of my sons will be graduating from med school soon, and I won't go with H. He'd ruin the day. He ruined one of the kid's graduations by getting drunk and yelling at me. He insisted that I said something that I didn't..even tho others there insisted that he had misheard. He was too drunk to be rational..
I didn't allow him to travel with me to either of my parents' funerals. He would have been horrible. He was soooooo bad at my dad's heart surgery (2 years before dad died) that I swore that H would never go with me again to anything that involved my side of the family. Last summer, I traveled with one of my sons to go to a family wedding. Wouldn't let H go. He would have caused a scene of some sort....he has NO FILTER.
im getting over it drama
Submitted by coco8712 on
i am sorry and yet happy that you are free and can enjoy functions and time alone with yourself. I must say im proud of you and I KNOW your going to be okay keep pushing forward and spend all your time with your kids/family creating happy memories . I am over all this drama and this im a different guy every other week I swear this bf of mine broke up with me like 5x in a month every month hell put me through some stupid drama crap blaming me for something dumb. I already told him this is his last chance and i pray to GOD it really is i dont wana get old and hate him or hate my life . He takes pills and hes a happy nice decent normal somewhat guy , hes too much spends too much always wants the latest expensive things or flashy person. hes put a distance with my family and I my friends have dropped lke flys tired of hearing me cry and talk crap then run right back to him when he decides to take me back :( . I dont really care about my friends because I wouldnt do that to them but my family he cant even come around they dont like him. now his 13 yr old son is speaking to me like he does which i correct him but the dad doesnt enforce respect at all , i feel like im getting over his crap and good luck to the next poor soul !! i want to go back to counseling it was helping me so much but finanically too much . He too ruins alot of fun days and times he gets mad at his son for moving too much or sniffling . When he told me he has ADHD i figured oh hes hyper ummm no hes mental and mean . worst i never get an apology or sympathy hell get in his high moods say how much he loves me how pretty i am blah blah now im like anyways .... i see me growing and changing but next time he breaks up with me im going to say okay bye !!! :)
Krysi,
Submitted by screenshot on
Krysi,
i read your message to coco, it sounded like as if you were speaking to me. Like coco, I am in a relationship with an adhd guy who is constantly putting me down, calling me untrustworthy, liar, selfish idiot. Every other thing I say, he says I am BSing. He says he can never trust me and feels unsafe around me, but i have never lied to him about anything. He blasted me with texts when i was out with friends, saying him needed a place to stay because he gave his apt to family from out of town - he never told me he needed a place that day and never said anything throughout the day. Yet, he calls me a selfish idoit who chose to have an orgy with friends when he needed me the most and then just waited at my lobby in full rage, then depression. He says I am manipulative. I have never been accused of so many negative things in my life. Even when I try to do something nice for him, like when he asked for cold meds and I didny have at home and offered to run to the drug store for him. He would get into a rage and said dont start BSing him. We have "broken up" twice in the past week, only to "get back" half an hour later, without him apologizing. i can't make up my mind now. I have lost all sanity and feel physically exhausted by being on the receiving end of all this. Why am I putting up with this?
insecure
Submitted by coco8712 on
screenshot its a rollarcoaster and this is the beginning. i am in your situation right now its good but when hes mad or wants to hate me hell send mean texts harrass me with disgusting pictures of woman while im at work or home its a bad thing. i still get sick to my stomach and sad when he does that never will you get used to it and if you do that cant be good or helpful. talk to him and see what happens but it will be okay for a moment right when you get used to the happiness hell switch. its very tough to deal with them because for me at least theres no being here for me on my bad days or appreciation or thank you :( its a selfless job and hard but i wish you luck !
puppet
Submitted by coco8712 on
krazy krysi thank you for responding and being blunt and honest as can be with me like everyone in my life around me has been . i know myself im fed up and i dont deserve this treatment at all. im a good sweet nice person , and i cant allow him to manipulate me i want to be equal and i know hell never view me as that. ill always be beneath him in his head . when im mad i dont take it out on people or turn the house upside down but he does and he can do whatever but if i curse because im angry im the devil. he has many excuses and its annoying, or hell blame me for him being overweight and lazy , im petite and am blessed i can eat and eat with no consequences yet lol ! he puts his guilt and lack of motivation or stress on me and blame me for having a bad day . i have told his mother about his behavior and the pure evilness that he does to me she already knows and has advised me to leave him , or my life with him will be difficult and crazy as its been up down rollar coaster. she doesnt ever agree with me or put him in his place and straighten him up like a man and tell him hes anything she just excuses it and laughs sometimes at his disrespect or mean things he says shes no HELP !!! i warned him this is the last time im going through this i hope it really is. i love him so much and his son too and being away hurts but i cant live my life worrying about how hell be today or coming home from work to more work or stress :( , and he was married 1x for 2years and she cheated was on drugs etc and she is still not even normal shes fried or scarred from his damagejo and drugs i truly believe he played a major role in her being 51/50 or craZY he almost made me go nuts ! my sadness my tears are now into anger i dont sit and cater to him like i used to , i dont get excited when he gets lovey dovey with me because it can literally switch an any minute :( i learned to leave when i feel hes annoyed with me or im not wanted gosh this is sad what am i saying !! even when im sad mad stress i dont want him to leave or blow him off for few days , im normal im fine i can deal with life in a civilized respectful way . its been 2 years now i been through hell and back and if i do leave id love for him to make changes chase me show me he needs me loves me but reality i know he wont hell text if i ignore him hell leave me alone :( on to the next girl shell go through what i went through. hes VERY insecure and hell blame me im like you i dont look towards a cute guy or even in mens eyes or face because im scared itll trigger a fight and ruin the day :( or hes immature and throw shade and comments at me about the guy :( i need to get strength from GOD which helps me read my bible pray worship focus on God not my bf. he wont ever get help he thinks hes perfect and doesnt want to face reality and himself he cant stand himself he hates himself so he medicates on pills. blames others for his unhappiness and problems . he doesnt know how to love and be a friend he has no one around literally its me ,his son, his mom and shes not even around physically or conversational wise its only a short while or moment he doesnt trust her or any of us hes a paranoid man. it sucks that if hes happy well have a awesome loving day time if hes mad its akward i feel unwanted and sad or hell give me the cold shoulder like a stranger .
p.s i know im too good for him he had a hook up before me a drunk promiscuous girl so im a big huge upgrade and he knows deep down inside he doesnt deserve me *i hope this works out but i will have no guilt and get my voice back my back straight and move on . thank you
Same as my boyfriend!
Submitted by firefly on
My boyfriend about the same as your. I never trust me and he believe that i cheated on him. And it worse when he found out some of my past that i never told him.
He said he need sometimes to think and then he stopped contact me. At first when i read your story i think i should left him alone and i'm lucky that he left me.
But now, I think it was my fault that i can't make him believe me and i didn't treat him well enough when i was with him. I feel guilty. You may think i'm crazy... But i really want him back. :(