This may be a long shot, but just curious if there is, perhaps, a commonality with this like there has been with so many other things among us all.
Do any of your ADHD partners often get sick/or are often just always feeling a bit "off"?
My ex-BF seemed to be sick so often (it was long distance so obviously hard for me to ascertain). He very often had headaches, heartburn, felt foggy...he caught colds easily and often had stomach issues. He also had a sleep disorder and if able, would often sleep for 12-16+ hour stretches.
He also smoked and refused any suggestion of mine to potentially make himself feel better in any way...citing genetics for his weak immune system, the famous "this is just how I am" line, while at the same time denying he could possibly die from lung cancer like his father had because he believed his dad was exposed to issues at his job in a factory, not because he also smoked heavily.
Anyway...just more curious than anything to see if the sick thing is common...
Im not sure about actually
Submitted by Tflep on
Im not sure about actually being sick, but i have had plenty of days where i felt like i was in a fog, unmotivated, wanted to do something but didn't at the same time. My problem was more from depression then my adhd. and i know that when your depressed you are more likely to become sick or feel like your sick. I also work in coolers and freezers so i cant really say for sure if me being sick all the time had to do with ADHD, or Depression or not. I did get headaches alot, and it came from stress, when ever i feel overwhelmed i get the pounding headaches that make me want to shut all the blinds, turn off all the lights, no sounds ect. As for the smoking addiction comes easy to People with ADHD, and finding a way to excuse the addiction becomes the norm.
Yes, he also suffers from
Submitted by HurtButHopeful on
Yes, he also suffers from depression. His ADHD is undiagnosed and untreated, but he does take Lexapro.
And yes, once I started reading up on ADHD I realized about the smoking being a very common form of self medicating. Ugh. When we first got together he tried to quit, but that didn't last long and then he made repeated comments about trying again "soon", but "soon" never comes with him and the comments trailed off and I realized deep down that he never would.
No, not here
Submitted by sunlight on
Constitution of a horse is more like it. Can be quite exhausting keeping up when he's in hyperactive, get-a-thing-done mode.
Well, regardless of no formal
Submitted by HurtButHopeful on
Well, regardless of no formal diagnosis, there'd be no way my ex would have been anything but the inattentive type...the sluggish, unmotivated type...there was no hyperactivity. I'm sure that IS exhausting to keep up with!
YES!
Submitted by devilsangel on
I could have written this exact post. He has headaches, heartburn, stomach issues, constantly coughing and telling me he's getting a cold, not hungry and then he is, constantly tired and could sleep 10-12 hours straight and get up and take a nap an hour later, lots of aches and pains, sore muscles, neck cramps...the list goes on and on. What is sad is that he just thinks that's how it is and nothing to fix it. He likes to say he doesn't want to live past 70 and he's only 39.
I know what he needs to do to fix most of this stuff so he could feel better, but with an ADDer, it's tough to keep them going long enough to see that it helps and then if you do make it that far, it's like they forget why they changed & go right back to it like it's a new shiny object.
My guy drinks 2 24oz Monster Energy drinks a day. To him 2 is not much...but in reality, that is actually 6, just that he buys the biggest can possible because he likes the tops that can go back on, allowing him to nurse it all day. Pretty sure this is the cause of most of his issues. He used to drink Mt. Dew and we worked at getting rid of that and drinking more water. So then he tells everybody he's really cut back on Mt. Dew, making that sound really impressive, when he's neglected to mention that now he drinks something with even MORE caffeine.
He used to chew. Well, he was determined to get rid of that after losing one of his rotten front teeth and having to foot the bill for fixing that...soooo what does he do a year after quitting chew? He takes up smoking. I asked why and he told me life was too short to not to enjoy it. Seriously? Are you enjoying this coughing and hacking and wheezing you are constantly doing?
Those two things alone are what make his Adderall not work, so he keeps adding more and more things to self medicate with. He has all these issues that he complains about, but guess what he tells the doc when he goes for more prescriptions? Everything is fine...he told me he was in and out in 15 min when he went last time.
I can't imagine living with all the issues he has and it's sad to me that he can't imagine living without them. He doesn't even know he could FEEL like a teenager again if he'd just quit ACTING like one.
Twinsies!!!! ; ) Wow.
Submitted by HurtButHopeful on
Twinsies!!!! ; )
Wow. They DO sound a lot a like. I know my ex has healthier habits now than he used to before we met (when he used to drink alcohol excessively and tons of caffeine, etc), but there were still so many issues, and I felt so strongly that a lot of them could have been avoided or at least controlled.
Tells the doc he's fine? Yep. In his mind, there's nothing wrong with him since that's how he's always been. Our last 2 days together (my last visit...long distance relationship...the visit where we had the big fight, I left to drive home and he never spoke to me again) we spent time in the ER because yet again there was something wrong. He had stomach pains that weren't getting better after several hours, so I convinced him to go in. Well, they never found a sound cause, but the doc on call asked him about prior issues and health problems, and he basically said there were none. I still regret NOT speaking up...I was sitting right there...I wanted to say..."but, he's sick all the time...always breaking a rib, or pinching a nerve, frequent heartburn and tummy issues (which is why he was THERE!), etc." But, I kept my mouth shut since I wasn't his wife and because I knew that it would piss him off if I said something.
Prior to him just walking away from our relationship, I used to envision myself pushing him in a wheelchair and adjusting his oxygen tank in about 10 years (he is 44, I am 37)...NOT what I wanted to be doing...and so frustrated at the fact that he couldn't see the need to change his habits. I mean, I would never neglect care of a loved one, but you know what I am saying. When I'd try to talk about it, he'd counter with the fact that his mom's side lives long lives. Well, fine. But his dad died in his 50's from lung cancer (he thinks linked to factory work...but also smoked a ton). I told him I kept worrying he wouldn't live past his 60's and he remains convinced he'll be around a LOT longer. Who am I to say about any of us, but like you said...I can't imagine.
Twinsies indeed!
Submitted by devilsangel on
Have you considered reading about midlife crisis? I am almost 99.9% certain that is my guy's issue, along with the ADD. Google Heroe's Spouse. They have some fairly extensive reading material there, as well as a forum. They are all about "standing" as in go on about living your life, while paving the way for him to return home someday. Only trouble is, you can find info on ADD OR midlife crisis, but it's like they are two separate camps and neither knows what to do if you're working with BOTH. That's where I'm at. It's also hard because everyone in both areas says to just walk away because you're not married anyway, but I know my relationship was taken just as seriously as any married relationship. We discussed getting married, but chose not to while we were long distance.