Let me start off by saying that my niece is OKAY, our dog didn't actually bite her, he jumped on her and scratched her. He is now at a training facility for a couple of weeks and my niece is learning how to interact with dogs safely. we're glad nothing worse happened...
so this weekend my husband and I headed to my parent's place for a family BBQ with our 1 year old German shepherd. My niece is 5, and has a hard time respecting dog's space. She's only 5, so that's totally understandable. The first time he reacted negatively towards her about 6 months ago, it was a big deal and I took it as a sign that our dog needed better training. The last few times he's seen her, they've been okay. He actually let her take his ball out of his mouth and has never been aggressive towards any humans. I think this is where we all made a mistake. I saw they were playing together with a stick and my husband was standing there but he was starting to turn around and walk back to the patio. I grabbed my shoes and was in the process of putting them on to go over there with them, when I see my dog on top of my niece, barking at her and she's screaming. I start yelling at my husband to go get the dog and he doesnt move. I yelled at him 2 or 3 times while I'm trying to get my foot untangled from my shoes before everyone else starts running over there to separate them. Finally I get the shoe off and run over there and my husband is STILL JUST STANDING THERE. He hadn't moved! He was just standing there watching as our dog was being kicked off of her and she was moved away. I grabbed the dog and walked him over to my husband who is still just looking at me, and tell him to take him to the car. I hand him our dog's collar, and he just lets go of it and calls the dog to follow him. I yell at him to hold onto his collar so he doesn't run back over there, so my husband grabbed his collar and took him to the car. He didn't come back to the yard to see if she was okay, or to apologize that our dog had just attacked her. He didn't even seem phased that it had happened.
i just don't understand WHY. Why did he not move? Why did he not react? This concerns me for when we have kids, is he just going to stand by idly if our kid is drowning? I just don't get it. The only solution I can come up with is that this has to be a symptom of his ADHD. I have ADHD as well but I make sure to always take my adderal on time as scheduled whereas many times on the weekends, he does not.
Does anyone else have any experiences like this???
Ask him what was on his mind at the time?
Submitted by smd1409 on
I mean it could possibly be an ADHD symptom but there's too little information on all this for me to even lean towards whether it is or not.
I once had a large fire start and just stared at it while it was getting worse. I once had a knife put to my throat and curiously thought to myself 'oh, is this the part where I'm supposed to die'? No fear, worry or anything. Even after I was hit across the head afterwards, I was just thinking to myself 'wow this guy is getting on my nerves'. No thoughts of how dangerous a situation I was in or even if that hit hurt or not. People with ADHD have the potential to be very strong in urgent situations- it's when they can be at their best. When everyone's panicking, they can be the ones who think straight and take control of the situation. However you actually need to know the response to it first as well as the ability to carry it out in order to make use of it. Like how I was watching a fire bursting from oil. Water could have made it blow up from what I heard and I don't know what materials can be used to cover it with and so I just watched, thinking to myself about the right way to solve it. Can't do anything if I don't know what the best thing to do is. Not saying it was right, but that's how my mind reacted to it at the time. However, had I known what could stop the fire, it didn't matter if I didn't have the materials or the means, I could have been much more likely than someone without ADHD to be able to quickly think of nearby alternatives which could produce similar results and not went around running the house panicking.
Your husband might have been the same. He might have really really cared and been thinking the entire time 'what's the best way to solve it?' and unable to find an answer and so he just stood there. As for why he never went back, he may have not had the relevant emotional intelligence to understand that being close to the person who was just harmed may have been effective and thought it could have been better to stay away and not make things worse. At least he could make sure the dog didn't do anything worse.
But as always, this is speculation. There isn't enough information for me to say for sure that's what was going through his head so you'd need to ask. Nicely of course- you have to understand that if it is because of his ADHD, this was how he thought was best to go about it. Had he the right information about the best way to respond to it, he may have reacted to the situation leagues better than anyone else there.
The human mind is capable of most anything...
Submitted by c ur self on
Minds are capable of miss guided affections, based on our environments some more than others....(Just my guess here) Based on your post it doesn't sound like distraction....So I would guess it was one of two things....His mind wasn't seeing it as the threat that everyone's else's mind was...Or he feels (the working of his mind, misguided affections) that the animal's rights are equal to or above the level of human rights....That is a common mindset in the world today...Hollywood is full of them....Misguided affections....
A lot of times we eliminate many alternatives...Just because they seem so offensive to us.....It's a basic premises of life, with unwise parents and their attitudes...Oh my child would never do that!! I'm in shock you would suggest it!!!....But then the truth comes out and Mother's in shock again...This time because of reality!...All because of her non-acceptance (denial) of what the human mind is capable of...
I hope for your sake he just froze...But what makes me doubt distraction, is what you said here about him turning the dog a loose, once you drug him over to him....That was either a lack of awareness of seriousness (ignorance) of the situation....Or something worse....You should definitely get his feels on it, if you haven't already....
C
Have you talked to him?
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
in a calm adult voice have you talked to him? Have you asked him why he didn't immediately rescue the niece? Have you asked him why it didn't faze him that your dog was being aggressive towards your niece?
if he saw the whole thing and did nothing, that would concern me. I would not have children with such a person.
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is what you said here about him turning the dog a loose, once you drug him over to him....That was either a lack of awareness of seriousness (ignorance) of the situation.
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this could have been his stubborn way of making a statement that the dog wasn't dangerous. You need to ask him, calmly.
unless you can get his attitude turned around, any children will be at risk under his supervision.
for awhile , I could barely trust my kids alone with my H. Yes, he would have gotten the dog off the child or pulled a child out of a pool...if he saw this happen. Unfortunately, often his nose was in a book, or eyes on TV, and not paying attention.
before we had kids, I didn't realize how tunnel-visioned he could be. When our first child was tiny, it wasn't an issue. But once he was mobile, and H wouldn't notice if he toddled out of the room (and into trouble), then I couldn't leave the child with H until H learned to properly supervise.