Hey all, so my spouse has now confirmed he has ADD and not ADHD like we had both originally thought. And I feel so....lost? As in, it was a bit surprising that he doesn't have ADHD but I'm not sure it will really matter in the long run, there's now a lot of work to do on it and I'm not sure which way to turn. I mean, all the things I've learned about ADHD...do they still apply? I know the next step is to push for couselling for both of us, I think it's a deal breaker for me, but I also feel confused about that too. Not sure if that is the right next step or what. I know no one here can tell me what to do (as much as I would like that to be honest), but what have others done when a diagnosis finally (!) happened and now it feels anti-climatic or just, deflating?
On a side but relevant note, I have been hearing the suggestion of the non-ADHD spouse (me) about reading Boundary Boss and I finally got my copy and I'm super excited to get in to it. But that also feels overwhelming too like that is not what I should be doing? (my therapist would kill me if he heard me now... 'coulda, woulda, shoulda')
Anyone else ever get a different outcome/diagnosis they weren't expecting but it didn't seem to set the world on fire and what next steps did you take? Just curious.
ADD vs ADHD
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
I did not quite understand the difference either. I found an article that differentiates between the two.
https://www.additudemag.com/add-adhd-symptoms-difference/
It doesn't matter what you call it....
Submitted by c ur self on
Most add/adhd effected minds are at levels from slight, to extreme...The biggest problem that non spouses seem to incur is allowing themselves to be overwhelmed in thought and emotion for what they can do zero about...Non acceptance keeps our minds in worse condition than a happy add/adhd mind who accepts the trials of their life....
I suggest you don't concern yourself about the "Why" of his symptoms and life style...But the "what", the common actions of his daily living and behaviors...All of us that live with spouses who have add/adhd, must ask ourselves what must I do to not be effected by intrusive or abusive behaviors...And just as important, we must ask ourselves what should I do to not be intrusive or abusive to my add/adhd minded spouse....All marriages, no matter if adhd is present or not, usually have boundaries to protect both parties in area's of life where there may be a lack of agreement in life issues....The more intrusive the symptoms are, the more boundaries will need to be placed...Attempting to think for, fix, or change another person, is one of the highest forms of disrespect there is...And it makes for a miserable life, and usually a bitter end...We can't allow our lives to be swallowed up by dysfunction or toxic behaviors that isn't coming from our own minds...Nor can we allow our thoughts to be consumed by others actions....There is a LOT of acceptance, boundaries, and non-participation that happens in my marriage....
The biggest problem in my life and marriage isn't my wife's high level add/adhd, it's my response to it that determine's a lot about my quality of life...
c