I'm an ADHD woman with PTSD. My husband and I recently learned of his autism after a consistent trend in which we fight over his lack of sensitivity for my sons emotional state. My son is from a prior relationship. My husband has 2 children from his prior marriage as well but he doesn't have custody. I've been searching for audiobooks and guides to help me learn how to be happily* married to him but I can't find anything from the neurodivergent perspective and neurotypical just doesn't feel as helpful. Does anyone have experience with this that resulted in success and long term happiness? I feel like I'm drowning and I'm worried for the emotional well-being of myself and my son. I also want future children but I'm honestly scared to have any with my husband. He doesn't think about the emotional impact his actions will have on my son. Recently we learned that my son started talking to people he met on Fortnite. My son is 7 so this is an obvious safety risk. My son has developed a strong attachment to his new stranger-friends which has made it a sensitive situation as we have to protect his safety and his emotional well-being. We agreed to find a way to taper his access so the disconnect is more gentle and feels less like a punishment. We told him last night he can still play the game with his new friends but he can't use the headset to talk to anyone. He can only play the game with them. Well my husband then went and deleted his entire friend list last night which means he can't play with them because he can't find them. No taper, just balls to the wall contact cut. My son cried when we told him he couldn't talk to them, he's going to be devastated when he learns what my husband did and realizes he can no longer play with them at all. He called it ripping the bandaid off but I see it as him punishing a child who did nothing wrong when there is an obviously more gentle solution.
help? This isn't the first time we've dealt with him doing stuff like this and I am at a loss.
Women with ADHD
Submitted by jlandl on
kittyharty, I am a 65 yo wife/woman/mom/gmom/retiree who struggles with ADHD and my loving husband is also afflicted but it presents a little differently for him. We both have rejection sensitivity, which fortunately results in us being attuned to each other's needs for loyalty. I never feel I have to check his phone and vice versa. Why do I mention these two things to you in response to your post? It is because just because we have the same diagnosis doesn't mean we are the same, or even compatible. In some areas we are exactly the same. I think your problem with your husband is independent of ADHD. I certainly don't know enough about you guys to make a reasonable suggestion about your situation EXCEPT to tell you that the general advice for any blended family (ADHD, autism, etc. Included) is that the bio parent does all the parenting and disciplining. We have compassion and insight a stepparent seldom does. I hope you will find a way to communicate directly and firmly with your spouse that from now on you, and you alone, will handle your son. You simply must, for your developing little boy's sake. Please seek out the opinions of trusted and mature parents in every forum you can if you feel my advice doesn't ring absolutely true because you are responsible for protecting your impressionable son.
Healthy attachment....
Submitted by c ur self on
Hello, I was just reading your post...Your situation is a sensitive one...I would lean toward healthy attachment...IF you want this current husband to be viewed by this young child as his day to day on site parent, (love, obedience, teacher, trainer in life etc.) then he will have to be respected as such by you! I personally agree with his action, maybe not totally how he went about it...(IMO) 7 year olds, have no business being allowed to converse w/ strangers who might say anything, to his innocent youthful mind....(this world is full of sick perverts, that know how to get to our children)...Find him safer entertainment options he can share with children his own age, or his parents, would be my suggestion...
We as parents are totally responsible for our children's well being in all aspects....That doesn't leave a lot of room at times to be sensitive to childish want's that aren't in his best interest....I understand ADHD and it's effects on people...Quick actions, not totally thought through...Hopefully you two can communicate calmly so you can work through your differing feelings in this and all issues of life..
Blessings
c