Saw another (awful) therapist last night. Ugh. Trying so hard to stay within my insurance network because it would be a financial hardship not to. But, these people are not ADHD experts. Or anger management experts. They say things like "Count to 10" or "just breathe" when my husband talks about his inability to stop an outburst. That doesn't help him. We want so badly to stay together, but now we are starting to use words like "separation". That scares the hell out of me!!! And I'm the one who brought up that word. Because, after 13 years of marriage, I am spent. Our son has ADHD. My husband has not yet been diagnosed, but I'd bet my life he has it, and he also believes it of himself. What do we do?? When do I know I'm really done?? Do I go to a so-called ADHD expert and spend $400 to get him a diagnosis and hope this person gives some good advice in the 45 min time slot? He wants to change, but what if this is just part of his personality? I feel like I have completely shut down. That has been my defense mechanism every time he has an anger outburst. Only now, I've shut down permanently and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm on a train and I can't stop it. I can't stop my feelings of hopelessness and I can't control him or his angry outbursts and I can't control what's happening to us as a couple.... Feeling very lost here.
Am I really done?
Submitted by Goldilox73 on 05/13/2016.
I read this with great understanding
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
Goldilox73,
I read this with a very understanding heart. You are not alone. This is all so complicated. After lots f work, I can share that at least my own train has stopped barreling to the train wreck I saw approaching.
That is something. . . . . .and I know that there are choices. I have choices. And, I have learned I really am much, much stronger than I thought I was.
Hang in there,
Liz
Your spouse wants help?
Submitted by Zapp10 on
Welcome!
From the sounds of your post it is the BOTH of you thinking he has ADD? Is your spouse willing to learn how ADD affects him? And you? and the same likewise? This site has the best info on understanding ADD . I understand about the therapist and counselor thing.....we live way too far away from any help like that. Believe it or not, I have learned more from this site in the last 3 months than I did in the past 4 years. I would strongly suggest you both consider checking things out here. Melissa offers a wisdom about ADD and marriage like no one else. Having BOTH parties on board is something many of us here cannot identify with.
I truly wish you both the best in this. Should your spouse decide he doesn't want to do it I strongly recommend YOU continue to learn your part in understanding yourself, your reactions and just what is and isn't ADD. BUCKLE UP!