Ok...Two things.
1. Still waiting for the move out to happen. The Tax rush is now completely forgotten! "Oh we'll get that done later" Huh? Today Laugh your socks off (not) was when I asked him. 1. Are you paying the rent today? 2. Are you paying the phone today 3. STOP You're asking me a lot of ? and I haven't finished my coffee. This was at 10 am after he'd been up since 7:30 and no he did not make this coffee I picked it up on my way back from dropping the kids off. He COULD have made coffee, but nope. I was soooo angry. I just shut my mouth. he got out of my car and went to work and it was like the top of my head was going to blow off!. I mean..the money thing get s me. We were evicted THANKS TO HIM so I check up on it. He won't make a budget, won't give me a list of what bills we have do/and when. Changes the passcode on the bank statement online so I can't access. (changes it DAILY!!) I try to have a money talk with him..at best he can focus for 10 minutes and then gets "bored" (which I think is bullsh&t and a way to control the situation) So today..I need to check..Rent, Phone, how much for groceries? I only got answers to 1 and 2 so I did not go grocery shopping today, skipped it. We have some Chili left and some eggs/waffles etc..Not a desperate emergency but we are expecting snow and I'd rather get it in the house NOW. Tonight he calls me for a ride home as the weather is filthy I picked him up and then he dropped me off and went clothes shopping! WTF? WTF!!!! Just told me...oh I'm going to run out and get some stuff, shirts/pants...I need some shoes etc. I find I am angry and mad AGAIN.. I didn't buy groceries because I'm afraid of going over and spending. (I do have an emergency account-MINE- with a few hundred bucks in it) but I don't want to spend emergency money when the family account is where the groceries should come from. Then to hear he is going shopping! I mean great and all for him. I'd appreciated 5 seconds MORE conversation...F(((ker could ask me to pick him up a coffee, take him to work, pick him up after work, but 3 ?'s about our financial situation...ie how much money do we have for groceries was too much. See I get enraged just thinking about it...which leads me to my second issue.
2. My anger. :(
I find that I am starting to be really angry...like enraged at the drop of a hat. I mean like the Starbucks coffee lady mixed up my drink..I got so mad I started to shake. WTF! Like any little annoyance seems to open up this black door and behind it is a towering tsunami of RAGE/Anger! I think it might be me displacing the anger on other situations because I don't feel like I can say ANYTHING to my soon to be ex so I just stuff it away. I was married a Looong time..with lotsa stuffin going on because anything I said was regarded as an attack and boy howdy did the nasty mean things come out then. BUT in all honesty I know I am leaving him soooo why should I feel such rage? Am I angry at how I allowed him to treat me? OH YES, but that is my fault. I might not have known it at the time , like gee what did I do wrong (this time), but the truth is I let him become this nasty dictator. So why am I angry? I do know that at times I will think of a past situation and just shake with rage. Yes, I know it is not productive and I should move on but I seems to experience it NOW. Why is this? Does stuffin your feelings, biting your tongue, dropping the issue, moving forward, choosing my battles etc....all lead to a very nasty consequence? I used to smile, giggle, laugh but that all stopped, oh not when I had sick kids, or became poor, or my soon to be ex began yelling..nope it was when I walked up to him giggling and was telling him a joke while laughing and he snarled at me. Grow up...when you can talk like an adult come see me. Giggling makes you look stupid. Well..that sure put a damper on things..no not things. It put a damper on me. BUT again "I" allowed this crap. I would ask him to treat me better but he always had a good reason why I wasn't allowed to be human. I feel angry and bitter. This is gotta stop as it will do me no good to have this kind of attitude. I mean he is leaving..so why am I feeling so nasty? Do I want him to stay? My stomach clenches at the thought. No...I want him to go BUT I want him to ACKNOWLEDGE to me that he was wrong. That I am/was an excellent person. Ha! wishing for the moon here and why would I care anyway?..oh other than the fact that it was soul crushing to have a husband who despised the very ground you walked on. I kid you not. I once went grocery shopping and when I cam back ALL the locks were engaged. Deadbolt and all so even though I have a key I have to knock and wait for him to open the door. NO MATTER When. So I was waiting and the door pops open and when he see's me he rolls his eye and sneers at me.."oh it's you"...Now years later i know he must have known since 1> I was coming right back 2. We have a peephole ..so...why? Why treat someone who actually LOVES you like dogsh*t? Is it a control issue? Is it because his life is so crappy in so many ways at least he can feel better than his stupid wife? Sometimes I feel like if I can just solve this mystery than I won't be mad anymore. Like what was it that I did that made me so disgusting to him? Other times I get so enraged because I think he shouldn't have done it and since I don't have a vested interest in walking on eggshells anylonger I can feel my feelings.
Wow...crazy head tonight. Has anyone else experienced this type of anger and how did you deal with it? I'd really prefer not to go on meds. I did the depression meds for a while until I realized that they only allowed me the capability of absorbing MORE abuse from him. Truthfully. I am so angry at myself for letting things get to this point and at him for sigh...I guess for having ADHD.
If anyone can let me know how they did it and moved on forward past a divorce I'd truly appreciate it.
The real joke was that he accused me of having someone else. ROFLMAO Oh my g-d...I am almost 50...I've gained 50 lbs and my hair is just going grey at the speed of light...I was dumfounded. I looked at him and just said..What are you crazy? You think I'd want another go-round of this crap? The sad truth is that I feel that I a finished//washed up. I can't imagine I will every share my life with another person at this point. I feel really icky about myself and don't thinkI have the ability to attract anyone NOR AM I HEALTHY ENOUGH at this point to do so. Mentally that is. I know that I am swirling through an emotional ripe tide that I sincerly pray will stop soon. Maybe when we actually sign the divorce papers?
Thanks for listening
imdone
added happiness
Submitted by imdone on
Today after his shopping episode last night my soon to be ex...told me that we do not have the $$ to pay the phone bill...See above #2. I had called when it was disconnected two weeks ago and made a payment plan based on what he told me that we could pay. Today when I asked...did you pay phone bill yesterday he informed me. No. We only have 200 in the account. Ph bill is 137....and I haven't gotten groceries. 3 kids and only 200 in the account. I asked him what about the phone as my work REQUIRES me to have a phone. My boss is in California and expecting to call me with information so I will look irresponsible and be embarrassed yet again. Then he was showing me what he purchased last night and I had all the enthusiasm of a dead buffalo so he became all tight lipped. "I am a killjoy, always miserable, can't be happy. etc" Financial Impulsiveness = no money for necessities...like a phone. I always feel like Cassandra...telling him yesterday..#2 ...Him snapping right after that. Was he already planning to spend on shopping and scr*w the phone bill? How can he not KNOW we have bills EVERY MONTH usually at the same time. Ok...Come On..Tax Money! That will enable him to move out and then I'm going to court for Support $$ for the kids. IF the court has to collect it and give it to me..at least then I will KNOW what I have coming in and be able to make some sort of a budget. I have GOT to realize that I CANNOT depend on him...even when he tells Me..that he will take care of things like the rent/phone etc but to an extent I do feel paralyzed. I cannot afford all the monthly bills and I have a tight tight hold on my emergency fund for GOOD REASON. It is the only thing standing between the kids and the wolf at the door. Boy this is crappy. The joke of the thing is that since I've stayed with the kids (3 special needs) he is the main breadwinner. I haven't amassed any type of decent savings. Frankly if he wanted to he could have 4 times the amount in savings within the same time, but for me it is scrape scrape. I have a 2 pt jobs. One as a grocery cashier (rolling in bucks there) and one as a personal asst PT. (Tiny money..but able to do it with my schedule and the promise of more $$ to come) Plus the house, the kids etc. He just started a new job and this month we had the rolling stomach flu. All the kids throwing up right and left. It wasn't even a question as to who was staying home. So lots of vomit. no $$ and getting "an occurence for calling in at the grocery". On one hand even though it is a sinking raft it is semi floating so I am holding on tight on the other hand I am barely able to keep my head above water. The stress and strain of this is jaw dropping and numbing. I find I am snapping snarling at the children and so so so exhausted and frustrated. I realize that I literally could work myself to death and no one..Not anyone would give a d*mn. I've done too much for the kids and have to start retraining them to help with chores. (Which I started this week) When did my life turn into one of slavish drudgery spiced by financial terror and extreme chaos? I will NOT LEAVE the kids but have begun to have understanding for people who just bolt. Really I do. However I won't abandon them because without me they have nothing. I know I am the only one standing between their father's chaos/controlling/anger/yelling/clutter/irresponsibility and them. So I got to have a plan...one that will allow me to get to the CS with my sanity somewhat intact. Routines, savings, less chaos. probably wouldn't hurt to excercise for the stress and eat better. I LIVE on Caffeine. Ok...thanks very much for the venting. As long as someone hears this I know I am not sitting here in my dark cave by myself. He just called me and I very nicely asked him to do something about the phone. Told him we would make it on less groceries as I can take 20 from the emergency fund and stretch that sucker with spagehetti and beans into a few more meals. I have some chili in the freezer and a couple of bags of beans and rice. Wont be pretty but we can live and I can keep my PT job that will hopefully morph into a fairly decent paying full time one with flex schedule. Ok. Damage control. Phone Bill working...Groceries...making a list of what I can do with what I have. Me...snow day so perhaps I'll bake bread with the kids today. We need it and it will be some non mommy snapping time.
Thanks much
imdone
Any way to get any kind of help/counseling
Submitted by sullygrl on
imdone - it sounds as though your husband has issues wayyyyy beyond the ADHD norm. To know that you have a phone bill to pay, groceries to buy, and he goes out shopping and buys himself stuff? Too much. With 3 children, he needs to be an adult and if he can't handle the bills (which it sounds like he can't) he needs to let you take over, and not hold onto control. He is controlling YOU this way, and he knows it. You should have no guilt over cutting him loose as soon as humanly possible, it really sounds like it is in your best interest AND the best interest of your children. And are you able to check your bank account another way? Debit card at ATM usually lets you check your balance, even get mini-statements. Not always as convenient, but it might be one less thing to fight about anyway.
Is there anywhere you can go to try and get some help? Both for counseling (just for you, not marriage counseling) and for help with the kids etc.? Any family live nearby? you mention religious leaders in a prior post, is there a clergy member you would feel comfortable talking to? Even a group session you can go to locally? Look up your local social services offices and see if they can direct you if you don't have any ideas yourself. You need to work on your self esteem in a huge way, and that is for your kids too. Of COURSE you are lovable, of COURSE there will come a day that, IF you want to and have the energy and desire for it, someone will love YOU and be a partner to you.
At any rate, you are not alone, there are plenty of us sitting in this dark cave, and the smell of bread baking can do wonders for the soul, even in a dark cave! Hang in there and be kind to yourself, for both yours and your children's sakes.
Best
sullygrl
ADDers and money
Submitted by Lynnw on
My husband lost his job and decided to start a consulting business from home. An ADDer having to completely manage his own time...that should have been a red flag. Anyway, he spent a bundle of money...new computer, office equipment, cell phone, separate phone lines for his 'office' and his fax machine, etc. etc. All winter he was hole up in his office all day. I'd ask him how work was going, and he'd say 'OK'. I learned long ago that if I questioned him, he'd get angry, so I didn't. It took almost a year before I found out that he'd had NO work and had been paying all the household bills with his 19% interest rate credit cards. He had them ALL maxed out, and had taken all the money out of the kids' college accounts. $70,000 in debt. That was the last straw. I couldn't stand to see him dragging me and the kids down the drain with him, so I divorced him just to stop the financial disaster from getting worse.
The irony is that now that he's ruined everyone's financial lives, he's the picture of financial responsibility...his credit cards are paid up to date, he has savings, he rarely spends money. He's constantly showing me the zero balances and his bank statements (we're divorced; it's none of my business anymore!). If he'd been like that when we were married, maybe we'd still be married.
sullygrl and Lynnw
Submitted by imdone on
Thanks guys both of you for responding. YES I need counseling. I am getting the idea...slowly slowly that I MUST treat myself better, better sleep, food, rest etc. I pin my hope on the day he leaves being able to sit and be simple. To relax. But yes..I am starting diet/excercise program to help with the stress/ sleep difficulty etc. I do need counseling, I am setting Monday up to be appt day. Kids/ Dr. Dentist Me Dr. Dentist etc. I should get all the paperwork out of the way and can plan then. I am relearning how to live calmly or I am TRYING to relearn how to live calmly and part of that has to be therapy. I hope to sign up for some free counseling through our health insurance. I get 6 free visits with a psychotherapist. I am taking advantage of this.
LynnW ...Yeah..i think the new clothes are part of the "new job" We too have seen various ventures come and go all of course requiring BRAND New equpiment Books, study stuff, little Personal Data Organizer that have ended up lost, washed in the laundry, stepped on, broken tossed aside etc. I am sorry about your kids college funds, since ex is doing so well is he ever going to pay the money back to the kids? Just sayin...Yeah year or so after some heinous fight he will "DO THE BUDGET". In Ink..with things like 50$ for a family of five for groceries. NO Money for clothing, car repairs, safety, holidays, birthdays (they are Kids they should get a little something) etc. A budget that fits the amount he made. Of course he UNDEREARNED for years. I don't even want to tell you about his PT Vet Dog walking job that he kept for a year 5.00 an hour, and wouldn't apply for any others cause Hey I gotta a job! That was my red flag then. I wish I'd have recognized it Pre-kids. .We stick to the budget for a week/two and then he is all like Oh I want Taco's. Or go ahead and spend X. I spend X and then he screams "Where is the money coming from" Me "Huh? We don't have the money than why did you say to spend it?" Him "cause you going to make me feel bad for telling you no" me..."No, I am going to be angry when the electricity gets CUT OFF after 90 days of non-pymt because you have swip-swapped the money around and kept info in your HEAD instead of on paper" How can he not plan for things like taxes and car registration. They happen EACH year pretty much at the same time but oddly enough each year it is a tremendous SUPRISE to him. ARGH...I hope that when his DR starts the CBT therapy it really helps him. For his sake. For me? I'm going to live the life of "Hey if it's Monday..it's Meatloaf" I dream of that...Monday..Always meatloaf, laundry, park and a tv show with the kids, Tues, Spaghetti, upstairs tidying, game night with the kids" Sigh...I dream BIG !!! You know what I'll like? Being able to play Yahtzee with the kids. (the kids shake the dice to loudly for him) AND AND the girls and I painting our fingernails (Nail Polish gives him migraines) Oh..I will wake up and NOT start clearing food off of the floor in front of the TV. Maybe I'll even start taking the kids to the Rec Center (too boring and he is always tired) to play b-ball. Point is I have to design a better life for us and it will be good. Better than good. I am going to think of all ALL the things that we stopped doing. The day he leaves of course the kids are going to be devasted but perhaps after a bit of time we can have fun together (Kids and I ) without worrying if it will bother Him. Ahh..Meatloaf Monday sounds pretty good, doesn't it? BTW upon rereading the post I don't wish to make light of the kids feelings, he is their father and he does love them. They love him and are going to be upset when he is out of the house, but...maybe after a while when things are calm and they can go over to HIS house for their Daddy time and come home to a clean calm orderly home they will come to realize that peace is a reason to divorce. Or at least that is what I pray. Speaking about praying..religious leaders are not so helpful. Divorce is seriously frowned on and I've already had one talking too about my attitude to my Husband. Eeuuw
imdone
LynnW clearly he feels
Submitted by lululove on
Lululove
Submitted by Lynnw on
I asked myself all the same questions before I divorced him. I had always been a very capable person, but he had worn down my self confidence to the point where I didn't think I could make it alone...but I was ALONE. I was doing most of the house/kid work, and since he wasn't working, he wasn't contributing anything! The funny part is that when I kicked him out, he got a really good job, and his child support payments are more than he contributed when he lived here! The kids didn't take the divorce well at all. My daughter used to ask if Dad could stay here for the weekend..."I'll take care of him", she'd say..."I'll make sure he doesn't make messes". How sad is that? But I think it was not healthy for them to live with him; his irresponsibility, a crazy lady for a mother, etc. He'd sit on the sofa with the kids and when I'd ask any of them to do something he'd look around and say "do you here that insect buzzing around?" Especially my son, who also has ADD and was picking up on his fathers insulting attitude toward me. My son (now 17) is now the 'man of the family' and I've made sure he's learning what that means. He takes pride in making decisions, advising me, being the 'strong one' when I need some muscle to do things. He's doing well...still ADD but he will do little jobs for me without getting too surly.
Since my ex moved far away, I compromised and let him stay at my house when he came to visit and holidays, so he wouldn't have hotel bills (or bother my mother...he'd take the kids for visitation and stay with her until she begged my to keep him away from her). It worked out well, and he needed the emotional support of having a 'home' (his own parents have practically disowned him). He will even help me with heavy work once in a while. And change lightbulbs...his fetish...I'd come home from shopping and find that he'd put compact flourecents in all my fixtures. Whatever.
Alone...exactly
Submitted by imdone on
Oh my goodness. this statement of "I was afraid of being along but I was ALONE" strikes me right to the heart. I had this conversation with myself as well, and the day that I realized HEY you ARE alone, why not get him out of the house and you can be Alone AND Calm. The fear of what will happen is pretty overwhelming but the realization that I can not continue on as we are is just as overwhelming. I figure no matter what I will hurt BUT at least I won't feel like someone that I love is the one hurting me. I worry about the kids as well but...better one responsible parent that one irresponsible and one crazy! I am just biding my time and organizing as much as I can, moving his stuff to his truck, talking to him firmly and calm. The hilarious thing of this is since I now KNOW that nothing I say will have an effect on him...I just shut up. I don't complain about his clothes, papers, snacks strewn all around. I pick it up and clean it up (silently saying..soon this will be the last time I do this) and He thinks.....That now that "ive" calmed down and am nicer...our marriage should have another chance!!! hahahahahahaha Talk about a LACK of communication. HA
I think Lulove mentioned her husband veering over to physical abuse somewhat...LL. I want to tell you that I used to listen to women say: How can he LOVE me and do these things? The answer is predicated on the confusion and mystery of the actions of a loving person. HOWEVER if you turn it around to...No one who LOVEs me could do these things. well the answer is a bit clearer. Abuse is Abuse and you should get out asap. I suffered verbal, mental abuse for years before I grew a spine irregardless of how I felt about him. Did I love him? Yes. Did he love me...maybe..but for sure not more than he loved himself.
imdone
alone & finished
Submitted by kgp34 on
It feels so good to see someone else who knows exactly how i feel.....like a prisoner. I feel terrible for you and wish it wasn't the case. That's how i feel about me too. It has reached maximum capacity and i know, really KNOW, that divorce is next. It's as if reality has no effect on him and i'm left to pick up the pieces. No job, no real income, and absolutely no connection to the actuality that is our life. I have pulled money from every corner possible to hold things together for the sake of the kids hoping and hoping he would help out and motivate. Nothing. He has trusted all the wrong people, and cursed me when i tried to show him what was real. We are broke, fight all the time, and i'm exhausted. He says he loves me, but does everything to show me otherwise.
A husband is supposed to be the white knight defending the family from the wolves at the door. Instead, he flings the gates wide and ushers in real problems and dangers. He creates nearly insurmountable problems out of thin air.....and all i get is "I'm sorry...i'll do better" until the next catastrophe. I'm exhausted, hurt, and scared...but mostly i'm all alone. I fear divorce and hate to even entertain the thought. I don't want to be the one to tell our kids...."no Daddy won't be home tonight." But if the current pattern continues he will always side with anyone so long as it is not me, and our family will suffer.
He has committed financial suicide and is about to bury me as well. He doesn't help around the house, and loses track of time. It's as if he has piddled away actual years. We're onto our second ADHD doctor now, and i think she helps for about an hour after he leaves the office. Then it's back to staring at the tv and whittling away hours on the computer. And all the while...i'm the "Monster."
I have never felt so alone...not even when i was single. This isn't a life, it is servitude with no commendations. I cannot do it anymore and i know i must leave. It breaks my heart. for me. for my kids. for him. But enough is enough. I pray everyday that he will find the path, find his way, and change.....
monster
Submitted by imdone on
-No you are not a monster. You are the one trying to nail the door shut BEFORE the wolves arrive. . I took a lot of verbal abuse and blaming until I decided upon divorce. I was truly hated the "enemy" and I used to cry..oh did I cry...How could he think that I did not want the best for us? How...I'll tell you how. Because his idea's were not the best and yes I argued, reasoned, begged, pleaded, explained my viewpoint. TRAINWRECK COMING all the way up to the crash. I, too, was the monster the b*tch the whatever name he could label me to hurt me enough just to SHUT UP. Then when the crash came...well then everything was MY FAULT. There was NOT a winnable position for me, ever. You see for him, The Best is whatever HE decides upon irregardless of research/common sense/bank balance..HE KNOWS BEST. I do not. So any argument about a situation was always perceived as a personal attack. Always. I used to deep breathe, choose non-commitol statements, use open ended questions etc...to avoid the accusation of Attack. He had to blame me because he could not Never ever blame himself. I guess to his mind he is barely holding on and there I am, telling him what to do...You are not a monster, or killjoy, or whatever name he thought up. You are trying to protect your family. I pray that he will see it BEFORE you get to the divorce point, but if he doesn't...well if you are getting the grief already, might as well go for the big one. Ever think what you life would be just by yourself with the kids? I mean financially hard sure,..but maybe a bit more peaceful?
I took my kids on a road trip a few months ago. A weekend in Dallas to stay with friends. I saved up $$, packed the car and the girls and told him we were going . He was stunned that I didn't invite him. (Trust me traveling with him is a clutter filled nightmare where you are hours late getting on the road and then must drive straight through and if you stop G-d forbid you buy a candy bar...cause hey we can't afford it). One of the joys on the trip was the calm departure, the time avail to stop at quaint little shops just to look around. The highlight was stopping at a gas station and telling my girls Go ahead. Get what you want. 25.00 and the feeling that NO we can afford this if you want was PRICELESS! We have a lovely slow calm time. 2 days without screaming yelling chaos etc. It was an eye opener. Yes I spent what I saved. Yes I PLANNED it that way. My kids told me again and again how much fun they had and both mentioned that it was a good thing their Dad wasn't there because we sure wouldn't have been doing what we were doing. They are little kids but boy can they notice stuff. Maybe when we divorce I think my kids will understand..they won't like but they will understand once their lives calm down and follow a pattern. Where I am calm. Maybe your kids will feel the same thing? Sad but kinda good in the end. Stick to your plan and be strong. You are a good person to worry about your kids and to fight for your marriage. Good Luck.
imdone
That's so similar to my
Submitted by Chris39 on
That's so similar to my story. Wow Lynnw. Thank you.
I appreciate this summary
Submitted by Chris39 on
I appreciate this summary sentence very much "When did my life turn into one of slavish drudgery spiced by financial terror and extreme chaos?"
That's how it feels. Just. Like. That.
I wish love can concur all difficulties that we are experiencing
Submitted by Moon on
Before I learnt about "ADHD" a week ago, I blamed myself for not being patient enough, not showing enough affection and appreciation to my ex-boyfriend notwithstanding the fact that I tried everything to accommodate his lifestyle and emotional swings. We decided to break up just two weeks ago-my heart is broken.
We started our relationship very strong. He proposed within 2 months after our first date and he was very sincere, passionate and sweet. But after a month of our first date, I noticed that he was very emotional, very extreme and restless, and in many occasions I found his views and arguments were self-conflicting too. He always complained about little things that I would not expect any mature person could bother to make fuss about. We quarreled a lot. I never had these much fighting in my previous relationships. I had this feeling as if I was being bullied by him in a number of our fight, because he was always right even though he initiated the fight by complaining some very minor things. He makes decisions very quickly without considering the consequences. He cannot stay in my place because it is too quiet and he said this quiet environment makes him feel very uncomfortable and confused. He told me he falls in love very quickly and he gets bored easily too. But he was very certain that I was the one for him and he fell in love with me at first sight. I believed in all these. However, when I showed my commitment and when I told him that I was willing to sacrifice my career to ensure I can pay more attention to our family life, he told me he was not sure about us any more. A loving young man became very cold. Now it is my turn to feel extremely confused. All my dreams about pure love and a happy marriage are completely destroyed. I keep asking what messages does God want to tell me?
After reading many articles about ADHD in the past few days, I don't have this resentment any more. I want to help him. I don't think we will be back together again. But I believe God sent me to meet him for a reason. Maybe we are not meant to be a couple and spend our lifetime together, but we loved each other. I forgive him now. I pray to God for his mercy and for his forgiveness. It is very painful. But forgiveness is all I can do now. Sharing my love and support is the only thing that I can do now. I wish love will concur all the difficulties that we are experiencing in our lives.
I also wish you all the best of luck!
Warmest wishes,
Moon
You seem very loving and kind
Submitted by Chris39 on
You seem very loving and kind Ms. Moon. I am certain that the right person is out there for you.
Unloaded heavy stones
Submitted by Moon on
Thanks very much Chris! I also want to thank everyone sharing their experience on this website. My family does not want me to even talk to him again because they feel he manipulates our relationship and he plays games with me even though he is fully aware how sincere I am to him and how much I love him. I don't know whether he was diagnosed with ADHD before, but I can see many similar symptoms in him. By communicating with people with similar experience here, I feel I have unloaded lots of heavy stones in my heart.