My husband is having difficulty really believing ADHD is part of him. His explosive anger tempers are drainign for me and my children. My son talks to me how sad he is but clams up and is unable to approach his father. The baby stats screaming or hiding when he is angry.
Can someone be brave enough for me to cut and paste what others go through with the angry explosive tempers. He thinks his anger is normal. He finds fault with everything not done, or if I try to offer advice. Also what am I allowed to do in a marriage after the explosive tempers-can I lock the door with the children. Can I demand to speak with his therapist-the medicine is not working at all-needs diffenrent and a new therapist. Know anyone in south jersey of philadelphia? He is wiling to go for help, but does nto think it is really a problem-he says i am the reason for his frustraion-all the time-no matter what I take the blame. Not hittign me though. Another reason why he does nto see this as abuse. What si abuse? Please share what your husband does says ands how if affects the children as well-what they do afterwards so I can show him some real life scenarios. I am too drained and sick and tired of hiding this all inside can not tell anyone really. I have to do soemthing different. I am yelling now to him becuase I am so frustrated and tired of the sam silly rguments. He is takign the joy from all of us focused on his irrriations. What kinds of things irritate your husband how does he react. When they are yelling at us its it okay to yell back or am i supposed to stay calm while he carries on saying the meanest things. What are we supposed to do when put down or need to defend ourselves over unfair accusations. He does nto relaize the more we argue is the reason why we can not get anything done. Anyone in this baot-the arguments draine and prevent everythign from getting done. Then I get blamed for nto gettign things done. Thank you.
A very difficult situation
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
hadittiredofit,
Welcome to the forum. I remember so very well feeling almost exactly what you feel.
You asked a lot of questions that I am not qualified to answer. I can share what I thought as I read your post, and I can share a few things for you to think about. These are a few things I pulled from your post:
These stuck out for me, since they are a big part of my own struggles. What I have learned is that people get there power where they can. If a person can unload all their frustrations onto you, and you get so overwhelmed you feel as thought you cannot defend yourself. . . . .that other person has taken the opportunity to dump their crap on you, and relieved themselves of having to deal with their own stuff when you assume it as your own.
"Know anyone in South Jersey or Philadelphia?" These are resources copied straight from this forum. Click on the tab Help for Couples, then click on Referrals
NEW JERSEY
ADHD Mood and Behavior Center, Cedar Knolls, NJ. Adults, teens and children. Run by Dr. Merritt Hubsher, this clinic specializes in ADHD across the age span. They also sponsor support groups. Website here(link is external) or contact at 973-898-9300.
Dan Dolce, LCSW, NY- LSW NJ, NJ- Bergen, Essex, Passic, Hudson, Morris and Union Counties. NY- Rockland Co. and Manhattan. Specializes in learning disabilities, especially ADD/ADHD in children and adults; complete transition services for young adults entering the workplace; Family practice w/emphasis on male perspective; Outdoor education. In practice since 1995. Contact: 201-207-1422, KidsWorknj.org(link is external).
Ellen J. Schwartz, Ph.D., Englewood, N.J. Specializes in learning issues, school issues, parenting issues, self issues and anxiety in children, teens, and adults with ADHD. Provides individual psychotherapy and parent counseling. Lectures and teaches on mindfulness and ADHD. In practice since 1989. Affiliations: New Jersey Psychological Association, CHADD, Northeast Counties Psychological Association (NCPA), EMDRIA, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction NYC Collaborative. Contact: 201-928-1300
Patricia A. Ward, LCADC, Hunterdon and Somerset Counties, NJ, Specializes in ADHD counseling; Couples affected by ADHD, Addictions, Families affected by addiction, Co-dependency, Couples in recovery. In practice since 1995. Affiliations: NJ Association of Alcoholism and Drug Counselors. Took our therapist seminar. Contact: 908-655-7008
PENNSYLVANIA
Penn Behavioral Health, Philadelphia, PA. University of Pennsylvania department of psychiatry has an ADHD clinic that does evaluations and treatment. Top level clinicians and researchers. Ph: 215-746-7233, Pennbehavioralhealth.com(link is external)
Donald Haupt, MD, Bryn Mawr, PA, Specializes in Anxiety/anxiety disorders, Adult ADHD, Anxiety Disorders and Affective Disorders. He received his medical degree from Penn State College of Medicine and has been in practice for 43 years. Phone: (610) 520-1782
Bernard D. Makos, LCSW, Mansfield, PA., Adults, and the elderly. Specializes in trauma treatment EMDR. Outpatient mental health practice started in 1980. Affiliations: Catholic Social Services. Took our therapist seminar. Contact (570) 662-7788.
Lisa B. Schwartz, Ph.D, LMFT, Bucks and Montgomery Counties, PA; Mercer, Middlesex and Hunterdon Counties, NJ. Specializes in ADHD and Sexuality. In practice since 1998. Affiliations: AASECT, AAMFT. Took our therapist seminar. Contact: 215-321-6824 ; lisabschwartz@verizon.net(link sends e-mail), www.sexualconcerns.com(link is external)
Leslie Stone, MSCP, NBCC, NACBT, Pittsburgh & Tri-State Area, Adults & Couples, including those Living with ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, & Other Mood Disorders, with a Cognitive Behavioral, Solutions, Relational & an Eclectic Counseling approach, uniquely honed for each client’s needs. In Private Practice. Coordinator of CHADD’s Adults Living with ADD/ADHD for Pittsburgh & Tri-State Area, Chadd’s Chapter 477. Contact: 412-682-6282 lesliestone@verizon.net(link sends e-mail)
Ari Tuckman, PsyD, MBA, West Chester, PA. Evaluation, individual and couples counseling. Author of More Attention, Less Deficit. More info at this link(link is external). Ph: 610-344-344
I hope you will find some help here. I know I have, and I still do.
Very Truly,
Liz