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I can agree with that. My ADD man is easy going and has an entertaining sense of humor until he is irritated by what could be any small thing. He'll have an angry outburst and get over it quickly moving right on to whatever may catch his fancy and leave me feeling bullied. If I try to defend myself, things can get worse. There's no interaction, he inflicts his "opinion" on me and insists that he is right and then he moves on. For me it's unfinished business especially when his outburst is not justified. He won't apologize, he'll tell me I'm too sensitive and I should just get over it. I can't get over it because it's unresolved and it will happen again and again.
Out of control raging is not usual though there has been a number of times when he has been hyper focused about his perception of what he believes to be true. Then he's relentless. So, no, he's not angry all the time but, I know he can erupt at anytime...
I've read your other posts and It's good to know that you acknowledge and work on doing your best for yourself and your family. Seems that women are better able to manage ADD symptoms as I would think that our brains naturally work differently than mens, at least that's been my observation.
I've always been a forgive and forget type of person. Pretty much because my ADD causes me to forget that I was angry over something in the first place! I do agree that anger itself is not a symptom of ADD. I do believe that anger is a result of the frustration that those people feel from not being understood or not being able to communicate how they would like. My husband will tell you I am pretty much the most laid back person he knows. However, push me over the brink and I will have a temper flare up like you've never seen! But, that's it. It's over.
I have a friend who's husband has ADD. She can relate an episode to me and I can tell her what her husband was thinking/seeing at the time based on my own experiences and on his actions. It really has helped her to get inside his head a bit. He does have an anger problem and the ADD only makes it worse. He's frustrated and uses anger as a coping mechanism.
Its nice to talk to someone I bet who can relate to the opposite person's feelings. My husband has ADD and I'm really trying to understand his anger when we have arguments, but it seems to come out in such rage, to where I feel I am being emotionally abused. There is a point to where I can only take so much then he has crossed a line and hurt me so so bad. I find myself to be a very forgiving and understanding person.. except when it comes to physically or emotionally hurting me. I'd love to be able to get inside my husbands head:) as I'm sure he would like to with me.. we'll see where it takes us.. we both want nothing but the best for each other
Folks, you have to remember that ADD is not the same as ADHD. The 'H' standing for hyperactivity. I think a lot of the anger and frustration and subsequent acting out with arguing, fighting etc. is occuring in relationships with an ADHD partner.
This ain't the "Absent Minded Professor" we're talking about. There's also other co-morbidities with the hyper variety like substance abuse, learning disorders and Oppositional Defiant Disorder that have to be considered as well.
My husband does not have the H, and his behavior is very different from what I see and read about with regard to those who do have hyperactivity as part of their diagnosis, esp as it relates to rages and completely overthetop impulsive behavior. I have to say that I much prefer dealing with Inattentive ADD (as maddening as it can be at times) to dealing with the hyperactive behavior. My hearts go out to everyone in this situation, and hope we can continue to help eachother find the resources to deal with our individual situations!
Technically, it's all AD/HD. What the inattentive people like my husband have is Attention Deficet Hyperactivity Disorder without Hyperactivity. Sounds stupid, huh? But my quiet, introverted passive husband expresses his hyperactivity by talking too much (when he feels comfortable).
The anger cancels out the good
Submitted by Clarity on
I can agree with that. My ADD man is easy going and has an entertaining sense of humor until he is irritated by what could be any small thing. He'll have an angry outburst and get over it quickly moving right on to whatever may catch his fancy and leave me feeling bullied. If I try to defend myself, things can get worse. There's no interaction, he inflicts his "opinion" on me and insists that he is right and then he moves on. For me it's unfinished business especially when his outburst is not justified. He won't apologize, he'll tell me I'm too sensitive and I should just get over it. I can't get over it because it's unresolved and it will happen again and again.
Out of control raging is not usual though there has been a number of times when he has been hyper focused about his perception of what he believes to be true. Then he's relentless. So, no, he's not angry all the time but, I know he can erupt at anytime...
I've read your other posts and It's good to know that you acknowledge and work on doing your best for yourself and your family. Seems that women are better able to manage ADD symptoms as I would think that our brains naturally work differently than mens, at least that's been my observation.
I've always been a forgive
Submitted by ladyflower10 on
I've always been a forgive and forget type of person. Pretty much because my ADD causes me to forget that I was angry over something in the first place! I do agree that anger itself is not a symptom of ADD. I do believe that anger is a result of the frustration that those people feel from not being understood or not being able to communicate how they would like. My husband will tell you I am pretty much the most laid back person he knows. However, push me over the brink and I will have a temper flare up like you've never seen! But, that's it. It's over.
I have a friend who's husband has ADD. She can relate an episode to me and I can tell her what her husband was thinking/seeing at the time based on my own experiences and on his actions. It really has helped her to get inside his head a bit. He does have an anger problem and the ADD only makes it worse. He's frustrated and uses anger as a coping mechanism.
Its nice to talk to someone I
Submitted by kenya on
Its nice to talk to someone I bet who can relate to the opposite person's feelings. My husband has ADD and I'm really trying to understand his anger when we have arguments, but it seems to come out in such rage, to where I feel I am being emotionally abused. There is a point to where I can only take so much then he has crossed a line and hurt me so so bad. I find myself to be a very forgiving and understanding person.. except when it comes to physically or emotionally hurting me. I'd love to be able to get inside my husbands head:) as I'm sure he would like to with me.. we'll see where it takes us.. we both want nothing but the best for each other
Grey Skies
Submitted by His BiPolar Partner on
Folks, you have to remember that ADD is not the same as ADHD. The 'H' standing for hyperactivity. I think a lot of the anger and frustration and subsequent acting out with arguing, fighting etc. is occuring in relationships with an ADHD partner.
This ain't the "Absent Minded Professor" we're talking about. There's also other co-morbidities with the hyper variety like substance abuse, learning disorders and Oppositional Defiant Disorder that have to be considered as well.
Take care!
I have to agree that H or no H is an important point
Submitted by Aspen on
My husband does not have the H, and his behavior is very different from what I see and read about with regard to those who do have hyperactivity as part of their diagnosis, esp as it relates to rages and completely overthetop impulsive behavior. I have to say that I much prefer dealing with Inattentive ADD (as maddening as it can be at times) to dealing with the hyperactive behavior. My hearts go out to everyone in this situation, and hope we can continue to help eachother find the resources to deal with our individual situations!
It's all AD/HD
Submitted by Sueann on
Technically, it's all AD/HD. What the inattentive people like my husband have is Attention Deficet Hyperactivity Disorder without Hyperactivity. Sounds stupid, huh? But my quiet, introverted passive husband expresses his hyperactivity by talking too much (when he feels comfortable).