Submitted by Drowning on 10/25/2015.
I have four kids, five if you include the ADHD husband, am pregnant, and desperately need help because I have the worst cold-flu of my life. My husband refuses to work, does absolute minimal childcare during the day (everyone is adequately cared,for, but I have to,prep meals to warm up, set out clothes, etc) and no housework at all ever. His response to me being sick is to say I'm faking, even though I'm not breathing well. I probably should have gone to the ER yesterday as my lips turned blur nut he would not allow it.
Does anyone have any effective strategies for asking family for help? My family's go to response,when I ask, even beg,for help, is that I should "make" my husband help. They just don't understand that I can't "make" him do anything. They can't wrap their heads around the fact that he might be incapable of providing support on a minimally acceptable level. Has anyone ever successfully explained this to family and gained/ regained some support?
Your family is right; He needs to get off his Ass and work...
Submitted by c ur self on
No you can't make him do anything...But You can do something!
You are subjecting yourself to a man who as you put it "is like caring for a 5th child" But, you still allowed yourself to get pregnant again; and you state that he wouldn't allow you to go to the doctor....So you are submitting yourself to an irresponsible husband....Who's the child here? Your family I'm sure loves you, but, if they wade in and bale you out probably against your child like controlling husbands will; they probably feel like there will be trouble from him.
ADHD is no excuse for his uncaring, lazy irresponsible living.
C
I probably should have gone to the ER yesterday as my lips turne
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
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I probably should have gone to the ER yesterday as my lips turned blur nut he would not allow it. Does anyone have any effective strategies for asking family for help? My family's go to response,when I ask, even beg,for help, is that I should "make" my husband help. They just don't understand that I can't "make" him do anything.
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do you realize that he "made YOU" not go to the ER. How did he make you not go to the ER? Call 911 and go.
Why is he in your home? Are you working? Sounds like you're the breadwinner. Does he have access to the money you earn? Why? Have your check deposited into an acct that he has no access to.
Believe me, once he has no access to money, he'll either "wake up" or not....and if he doesn't wake up, then toss hi out. If he won't leave, then you leave with the kids and your money.
If you aren't working, then how are you all supporting yourself.
How dare he say that you're faking sick. That reveals his true low character. See, if he has to accept that you're sick, then he has to get off his butt and do something. So, instead, he declared that you aren't sick. That relieves him of any obligation. Also....the last thing he'd want is you to go to ER and have doctor confirmation that you are truly sick.
Your family may not understand what you're dealing with. However, they do know that if THEY help, then he will just have more reasons not to help. they don't want to enable him.
What makes you think that your H loves you? I know that's a hard question, but think about it. What makes you think that he loves you? It doesn't sound like he loves you at all. To him, you're just a provider of food, clean clothes, and childcare....and likely money.
When is the last time he worked a regular good paying job?
Believe me, I have a very difficult husband that I would divorce in a heartbeat, but financially I would lose too much since he has always been a major breadwinner (always had a high paying job), and we own several properties, and I now own a business. (for over twenty years, I was a stay at home mom.) If we divorced, it would be financial chaos and he has promised that he would (and could) ruin my business. So I am stuck. If my husband was a non-earner, he would have been out on his butt a long time ago. I know that may sound heartless, but no way would I have a full grown adult living in my home being a total leech...and a rude one at that.
Ask your family to help you get rid of him.
"I'm not getting what I FEEL I DESERVE FROM YOU" is an insulting
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
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"I'm not getting what I FEEL I DESERVE FROM YOU" is an insulting trivialization. Rather, he's not giving the minimal required effort to DESERVE sex, and I don't deserve the guilt trip for not "giving" it. He knows what he needs to do to change and he won't. Not sure this will wk but I also cringe at his touch so at the least, I get a break from doing something I Don' want
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When he says that he wants sex (or food or anything), tell him he's "faking it".