I have tried and tried to be patient with my fiance who has ADD but I am tired. Tired of the disappearing acts, aka lack of communication (we currently do not live together), tired of the excuses, he is swamped with work to do (which is code for don't expect a peep out of him for who knows how long but he has plenty of time to be on Facebook all hours of the day and night posting useless things or responding to anyone and everyone that posts on there. I have been catching him in lies lately, ofcourse he denies everything and tells me I am over reacting. Tired of one minute he is sweet, caring and the next minute is cold, distant and acts aloof. He comes with two kids not to mention which I have been more than understanding about him tending to them when he needs to, they are older but I encourage him to keep a relationship going with them. He will not go seek out help for his ADD and frankly I do not believe he thinks other than time management issues with work commitments that he truly has any issues. Last for now I am tired of all the big grandiose plans (for him and I, ie. big trips, purchases ) he loves to brag about infront of his kids or my family when he and I can barely maintain our relationship on a daily basis, and frankly I can't see any of these "plans" happening. I have suggested more than once that maybe he and I just is too much for him to be involved in now and every time I bring it up he gets mad and says quitting us would be a big mistake. I am tired of feeling alone in the relationship and feeling like if I want to address anything with he and I I will be walking on egg shells for weeks after around him. Very confused right now..really on the fence about he and I.
Beyond tired
Submitted by SamStel9 on 09/12/2012.
This does not sound like love
Submitted by jennalemon on
This does not sound like love or commitment on either side. I am not judging. It is the same as my marriage. I am just an anonymous voice saying what I am reading - trying to give you courage to have clarity. You already know what you know. Life can be better than this. Make plans and actions to MAKE it be better. I am saying this for my benefit just as much as yours. I am sorry for your feelings of disappointment and sadness. Things always look better in the mornings. Take care of yourself.
Struggling
Submitted by SamStel9 on
I appreciate your feedback, I reread your comments a few times. I do know I love him (your comment about my situation not sounding like either one of us loved or was committed to each other threw me for a loop) but realize I cannot change him I can be supportive if he chooses to want to make changes to help strengthen his life and relationships with his kids, me and his friends and family, I cannot do this(work) for him though it has to come from within himself, as my own changes and efforts and attempts at further understanding him have to come from me.. As I mentioned in my post I have been more than patient and understanding with him ( as anyone would with their loved ones I believe)with his situation in life, heavy traveling for work, having work stresses, changing plans on me frequently at the last minute because of something that may come up with his kids or work. I even have been accepting so far of the fact that one minute its fine for me to be around him and the kids and he says he loves that time together and the next minute he shuts me out with no explanation as to why I am not included in any of their time together. I have stated from the beginning to him that his kids should be a priority and I get that and I have always said he can be honest with the situation with the kids around me, (ie if they have any issues with me, so far to my knowledge we all get along great, no issues brought up, but yet he blew our weekend off together last weekend we were supposed to have with his daughter, with no explanations). I have struggled with the lack of communication, the disappearing acts, the excuses, his online fixations (mostly with Facebook) etc.. in our relationship and how to approach it with him, so we can work together as a team to find a solution, but as I sit here and write this after another off week of weak communication with him which included two very uncomfortable conversations which he abruptly ended in the middle of the conversation, I get a nagging feeling I am wanting things to work and get healthier in the relationship, despite hearing him say I am his "world, his life, his future and please don't give up on him" but yet somehow his actions are speaking way too loud for me to ignore. I will admit I fell hard for him and got sucked in with his "hyper focus", when he was courting me and every once in awhile I get a glimpse of that guy I fell in love with. But like a wise friend of mine told me once one of the best things you can do for yourself in life is be your own best friend, own cheerleader and nurture your own self from the inside out and this will help you better strive for the healthy/happy life you want to lead. Sorry for the rambling response...Have a good night..
Thinking
Submitted by jennalemon on
I am reading a book called "Women Who Think Too Much". This is definately me. It says most women think too much and at a certain point, it does us no good to think and think worry and fret, go over things a hundred times trying to sort out what is "wrong". I am going to give myself a break from thinking about it for a while. Let it all go and relax. Do something enjoyable. Remember the things and people you love. Spend some time with people. It will work out. Things will be OK. Things will work out which ever way we decide. Sometimes we need to get away from all our thinking and then things come easier to us. Remember to breathe. I am saying these things for my own benefit as well as yours. I am going to go to knitting group for a while to get away from the sound of my own head clanking away and let myself swim in the comfy seas of people chatting and laughing. I hope you can also can put away any fretting my words might have causee you for the night and sleep well. When we think about how we are feeling ignored or unappreciated or disconnected too much, it is not good for our hearts and souls. Love the things and people you love.