Picture this I am at a beautiful campground with my ADHD husband and we have just gone on a wonderful bicycle ride on a trail that leads to a lake. We are sitting by the lake and my husband suddenly blurts out in a very sarcastic manner "by the way thanks for mending my sweatshirt". I said oh I forgot, leave it out when we get home and I'll mend it. He says, don't bother I took it to get mended, and proceeded to lecture me on my forgetfulness and how I should not be since I am 13 years younger than him. (I am 56). So my question to everyone is does your ADHD partner blurt out sarcastic remarks out of the blue? He just loves to pick a fight. Needless to say it ruined my whole day. I asked him why when he got the sweatshirt out to take to get mended why he couldn't have just handed it to me then and remind me. But the lecture just continued until it spiraled into a handful of things that he had to complain about. This following two weeks prior of him accusing me of having an affair with his best friend while we were all camping together. So add paranoia onto the sarcastic out of the blue statements and I'm ready to pull my hair out. Thankfully he leaves in two months to go live in another state for the summer (yes this is a good thing).
Blurting out sarcastic statements
Submitted by How Long will t... on 03/02/2020.
Blurting
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
This is probably one of the most contentious issues in our household. My ADHD husband puts inappropriate thoughts into words many times a week, often at the expense of my feelings and our daughter's. My daughter would rank this as her #1 complaint with him. He has called her names, he has talked on and on about subjects that provoke her anxiety (which she is in treatment for so this is incredibly frustrating for me) and he has just said plain old mean things. I am the recipient of his cruel words just as often. I think there are two things going on here... 1. He loves a fight. If he can get a rise out of us, his ADHD brain gets that dopamine boost and he's satisfied (even though we are devastated, angry, crying or whatever it may be). And 2. He can not stop himself fast enough. It's part of the impulsivity of ADHD and the words spill out before he can stop them. Sometimes he is legitimately sorry he has said something, but unfortunately the damage is done.
Oh what I would give if my husband could live somewhere else part of the year!!
Reply to communication with ADHD
Submitted by How Long will t... on
I can not tell you how many people look at me like I have two heads when I tell them my husband is a snowbird (we live in Fl, and he goes North for the summer). They wonder how our marriage survives with 6 months apart- I tell them that IS how it survives. Truthfully it's how I survive, because he doesn't realize the scope of how his ADHD physically affects me.
Blurting
Submitted by Kateri on
OMG, I'm sorry you're going through this! WOW....Reading this is almost like I'm reading my story (minus the daughter)! I am soo drained and so over it right now! I am immuno-compromised and have a lung disease so we have been homebound for 3 months now with our groceries being delivered. Being locked down with him has taken me to the point of think of writing letter to my grandkids in case something happens to me as I'm at the point of being ready to go out not caring if I get annoying and die as it will get me out of the horror I've been going through for 45 yrs! ~ Sorry, you can tell he just went through another one of "his episodes". Which afterward, things are supposed to be just fine as he's sorry! This one started because he put the grated romano cheese in the microwave overnight. (I don't know if it's ADHD or Alzheimers starting).
I'm sorry, didn't mean to do my own blurting to you. Guess, I tired of everything right now. Didn't mean to unload on you.
Blurting
Submitted by How Long will t... on
Kateri, I am so sorry for your situation. Being in lockdown with an ADHD spouse has to make it 100 times worse. I wish I could give you words of wisdom, but I know all too well there is no right way to deal with whatever they throw at you. I can just say try to find your safe space in your house and maybe start a puzzle or book to just stay out of his target range. If you need to "talk" please keep coming to this forum. It has saved my sanity more than once.
"I'm not inconsiderate...
Submitted by bowlofpetunias on
I just don't think about your feelings when I say things. Don't get angry, because you know I don't mean what I say! Things come out wrong."
I pointed out that not thinking about my feelings equals not considering my feelings, the very definition of inconsiderate! She is also very inconsiderate with the kids. She often thinks that she is "joking" with them when they are clearly getting angry and angrier at the hurtful things she says.
Another blurting out issue is sharing private information without permission. She has told several people about exactly which psychiatric medicines I take, right in front of me, without any permission to do so.
Inappropriate questions
Submitted by sickandtired on
My ex used to ask my best friends the most personal, inappropriate questions. It was so embarrassing to me, and I felt so bad for my friends. One time, on a vacation with my best friend from high school, he asked her what it was like to have a prostitute for a mother.
Yes, it happens here also....
Submitted by c ur self on
I try not to do anything w/ her (bike rides, dates, walks, sex) any more, where I allow the beauty of the setting, my love for her, or any such thing, to take away my awareness of the explosive nature of her out of control mind....(But I fail at times, so like you I'm shocked in the moment... LOL)...If I'm expecting it (as in unaffected) then I can win...Win meaning; never give a knee jerk relay to disrespectful comments/outbursts....
One thing I can tell you about my add minded wife...And based on many of these posts, it's common......She has selective memory, anything related to her responsibilities are easily forgot, and it's "oh well, no big thing"...LOL...But if I commit to do something for her; she's got the memory of an elephant...
I'm sorry you had your enjoyable day spoiled....We have to remember who we can trust, and who we can't, when it comes to our feelings and emotions....I've been burned so often, I'm learning :)
c