Submitted by Ftaylor on 02/28/2018.
Hi,
I'm new and am thrilled to have found a site with so many helpful resources and such valuable information! Please forgive my newbiness if this isn't the correct place to ask ... but most of the information I've seen so far relates to relationships between a person with ADHD and one without ADHD. Are there simply not very many relationships where both partners have ADHD or were there simply no survivors?
Welcome
Submitted by Heart's Desire on
Hi Ftaylor,
Welcome to the site. I'm glad you have found this great resource. Yes, there are resources, and I believe Melissa references adhd-adhd partners throughout her books. Those would be a good place to start. The first one is called "The ADHD Effect on Marriage". Best of luck! There will be struggles but the outcomes can be positive for both of you if you both work to change your engrained behaviours and develop an understanding of common pitfalls in adhd impacted marriages.
Hi FTaylor...Welcome
Submitted by c ur self on
I probably have some form of mild to moderate ADHD...(not diagnosed)...My youngest daughter who is diagnosed mild to moderate is much like myself in many ways.....My wife is diagnosed ADD at a clinical level...I doubt if we would have survived the past 10 years of marriage if not for our one common interest...Jesus
It takes a lot of mirror time for us both (something that isn't easy for either of us), the more shame and insecurities a person carries around, the more difficult it seems to be to claim ownership of our own behaviors.....
Acceptance of our difference's (respect) and not seeking to selfishly control each other (expecting each other to be able to think, and desire the same things in life) has helped to live as peacefully as possible much of the time....
I am not talking about Sin or Abuse here, I'm talking about life choices, along w/ the results of the daily trials that happen when a mind is hindered (minimum ability to recognize) by distraction, disorganization, time tracking, and recall...
Because I'm an H hyper, and she is not.....I tend the be the one who loses patients easily....I put out so much energy and thought in most things that a day holds, that if I judge her by my standard, she ends up being beat down and experiences more feelings of inaptness....Which isn't my goal at all, but, without understanding and patients it's the product non the less....
She because of her symptoms can make me feel unappreciated and invisible for long periods....
It really boils down to each of us seeing ourselves, and managing our own life in a way that honors our vows, and limits the intrusiveness on each other....
If we both swap Blame and Denial....For Acceptance and Ownership...we do well.....
Every marriage looks different based on the make up of the person.....But we know when we are being successful by the peace we are experiencing in our spirits.....
Blessings
C
Ditto, hello
Submitted by phatmama on
Hello and welcome. To answer your questions, yes, my husband and I are in a dual ADHD marriage, but our symptoms are very different. I am never late (can't stand it actually) and I am OCD about paying bills and he has never met a deadline he didn't blow through and we have had numerous shut off notices and late fees over the years when he has managed the finances. I am messy and disorganized and kind of lazy, more like Inattentive ADHD and he is the Hyperactive/Impulsive type. I am not even 100% certain I have ADHD, and have had doctors on the fence whether it was ADHD or a Mood Disorder combined with PTSD. One symptom we both share, though, is the terrible, horrible, awful anger management problem. This has almost destroyed our home. You can live in a messy house or you can pay your bill late and avoid having the lights turned off, but you can't take back the screaming matches, the name-calling, the threats of leaving, total meltdowns. And that is both of us. Of all the things ADHD has taken from me, the belief that I am a good person has been the most sad. The way my husband and I get triggered and fight has been the bane of my existence and has been the worst part of my life by far. It has harmed our children and we can never take back the damage that was done. But because ADHD also does have some upsides, when it's good, its very very good (fun and exciting) and when it's bad, its very very bad (a train wreck).